Fall From A Star
by dreamerldv
Summary: Sequel to Fame. Ashley, a famous rock star, struggles with a drug addiction, dying father, loving girlfriend, and her own mind.
1. Hearts pressed together

**Fall From A Star**

**Author's Note:** For those who haven't read it on Southofnowhereonline, here's the sequel. Thanks for reviews sorry for mistakes

**Dedicated to everyone saving spashley, the readers, and to Jordan Russel, 5-6-08, RIP man. You were my friend and fellow classmate. You died way to young pal and school won't be the same without you. **

**Prologue**

Palms sweaty, throat dry, heart racing- the brunette stared nervously at everyone in the room. Standing on stage, her lips barely touching the microphone, she met everyone's gaze. It was like nothing she'd ever experience before. These people had been her family for over 6 months, she thought sharing her experiences with them would be easy. It wasn't. The story that played in her mind was not an easy one to tell. If anything, it was complicated and long, demanding and heartbreaking. Worst of all, it was her story. She cleared her throat and swallowed hard as she prepared to speak. "I'm nervous." She confessed with a small chuckle, a couple of people in the crowd smiled or chuckled along with her. "I've been on many stages around the world, in front of thousands of people and I've never broken a nervous sweat. But it's different on this stage." Her voice softened as brown eyes landed on Kyla. "It's more intense, more frightening, but from what my therapist told me, rewarding at the end. She has heard everything I'm about to tell you, and we've laughed and cried during our sessions. But mostly cried." She looked away. "I'm sorry if this makes you cry, but I feel it'll help save me if I see the shame and disgust on your faces as I speak." She laughed sadly for a moment. "I just turned 19 and last year was a disaster, I fucked up so much…" Her eyes shut as she kept her tears down, Spencer came to mind. "So much."

**Chapter 1**

Ashley yawned deeply as tired brown eyes opened. Her lips tilted into a confused frown when she noticed the empty space beside her. Not waking up to Spencer's gorgeous face was something she looked forward to in the morning, it was the reason she woke up, not seeing it first thing in the morning always resulted in grouchiness. Groaning, Ashley rolled on her back and tiredly sat up. The thin blanket covering her naked breasts fell and pooled around her hips as she stretched. "Spencer?" Her eyes scanned the living area of the suite for her blonde girlfriend. Not getting an answer, she sighed as she got out of bed and headed into the bathroom. The air was cold against naturally tanned skin, Ashley fought back a shiver as she washed her face and teeth. Turning off the water, she looked up into the mirror and examined her face. Her eyes seemed alive and eager to start the day, smiling, it didn't surprise the 17 year old. The past week had been amazing. They arrived in Ohio a week before and checked into a hotel. The young couple spent most of their time inside their gorgeous suite in bed eating room service or making love. It was all blissful to Ashley. The rock star couldn't have been happier.

Ashley grabbed a towel and began scrubbing her face dry. She held the scratchy material against her face and sighed into it. Her eyes were slightly heavy from exhaustion, only getting two hours of sleep the night before, Ashley was expecting it. Not that she was complaining, the rock star smirked, last night's activities were more than worth all the yawning she'd be doing. Placing the towel down, she walked out the bathroom, closed the door and sauntered into the living room.

A smile crept over famous pink lips as Ashley caught sight of her lover. Spencer sat on the far end of the couch talking animatedly to someone on the phone. Her legs were sprawled out along the expensive cushions, her smooth limbs peeking out from under a short dark dress. The rock star didn't hesitate joining her girlfriend. Walking to the couch, she climbed over its arm and crawled over to her lover, nibbling lightly on Spencer's ankle, she looked up and met her girlfriend's smiling face. "Morning Gorgeous." She mouthed while Spencer ran a tender hand through messy auburn hair. Brown eyes closed as she dipped her head and began kissing up her legs, her fingers running along the sensitive skin on her inner thighs, she pulled back at hearing Spencer's sharp intake of breath and looked up when she felt her hair being lightly pulled. 'Behave' the blonde mouthed with a somewhat pleading look on her face. Ashley was oblivious to anything else but her parted moist lips, they called out her, moving forward, she pressed hers against them and kissed her girlfriend slowly. The phone fell from Spencer's hand as she cupped Ashley's face and intensified the kiss, her mouth enjoying Ashley's minty breath. "Mmm," She pulled back, intent on stopping her girlfriend, but then felt Ashley's body against hers and couldn't resist burying her hands in her hair, kissing the rock star harder, she only encouraged her girlfriend's hands to roam over her body, touching all the right places. Distantly hearing a small voice call out to her, she remembered the phone and internally cursed. "Ashley," Spencer turned her head while blindly searching for her cell. The rock star ignored the voice and sucked down her girlfriend's neck.

Spencer closed her eyes while tilting her head, unaware that she was holding the phone, it was unconsciously pressed up against her ear while Ashley's lips sucked hungrily at her skin. "Spencer! What's going on?!"

Ashley froze at hearing the familiar voice. Her lips left her neck as she lifted her head and met hooded gray eyes. "Is that your mom?" She whispered and was mortified when Spencer nodded. "Shit," she groaned while rolling off her girlfriend. Knowing Spencer's mother was on the phone was more affective than cold water, Ashley found it amusing. She looked over at Spencer and shrugged sheepishly, receiving an evil glare, she mouthed 'sorry' and then walked out of the room.

Spencer watched the rock star as she left the room naked. It amazed her how much Ashley enjoyed being naked. "Um sorry," She cleared the huskiness out of her voice as she sat up straight and fixed her dress. "I was distracted by something outside the room. Um, there was this couple arguing and I had to stop them." The lie came out awkwardly and Spencer knew her mother probably wouldn't believe it, but it was better than telling her she was too distracted by Ashley's lips to talk. "What were you saying?" Her eyes stayed glued to the toned tanned body walking her way, they narrowed at the green bottle Ashley held. "Hold on a sec mom." Pulling the phone away from her ear, she covered it and focused on Ashley. "Baby it's too early for that."

Ashley paused from opening the beer bottle and stared down at the blonde. "Okay." She mumbled while putting the bottle on the coffee table.

"What were you saying mom?" Spencer asked while lying more comfortably on the couch.

The rock star walked over and joined her. The blonde's arms lovingly wrapped around her small frame as she snuggled against her side, her head resting on a soft breast, Ashley picked at the material of her dress while listening to her lover's voice. "Okay, yeah Mom I understand." Spencer's hand ran through growing auburn locks as she spoke to her mother. She loved playing with Ashley's hair. The auburn locks were soft and sleek, almost addicting. "Yep, I'm sure. No Mom, I promise we'll be there soon." Ashley didn't like the sound of that. She sighed quietly and then turned her head, kissing the soft skin under her nose, she felt the arms around her tighten a little and smiled contently. She loved being in Spencer's arms, a sense of security and warmth always fell over her when they embraced, it was her favorite place in the world. "What'd your mom say?" Ashley asked hearing her girlfriend set the phone aside.

Spencer looked down at the rock star in her arms and smiled. She knew Ashley wasn't going to like what she had to say, but it had to be said. "I told my Mom we were leaving today." Ashley groaned quietly at this. "We've been putting them off for days. I think it's time we get out of bed and hit the road."

Ashley moved up and looked Spencer in the eye, their faces were inches apart as she purred, "Take the dress off and I'll change your mind."

Spencer patted her cheek affectionately and kissed her lightly. "We have to leave soon and that means no more sex from this point on."

The rock star pursed her lips in thought. "I can handle that." She leaned forward, "Just one more kiss?" Spencer nodded and their lips met gently, it didn't stay gentle for long. Spencer buried her hand in soft auburn hair as Ashley's tongue teased her lips, the blonde's mouth opened and accepted the muscle, moaning when hers came into contact with Ashley's piercing. The blonde was pinned between the rock star's body and soft cushions, it was all bliss as she soaked up Ashley's warmth. "I love you." She felt Ashley's lips move to her neck and tilted her head aside, offering her girlfriend more of her skin. "So much Baby." She added breathlessly feeling Ashley hike up her dress.

"I love you too." Ashley moved up and kissed her hard while her fingers began teasing the skin on the inside of her thighs. Her fingers brushed against sensitive lips, Spencer whimpered at the contact, feeling a familiar buzzing throughout her body, she regained her senses and forced herself to stop. Turning her head, she broke the kiss and smacked Ashley's upper back playfully. "You're terrible Ashley." She urged the rock star off her and stood up from the couch.

Collapsing against a pillow, Ashley wrapped her arms around it while watching Spencer fix her dress. "You said I could." She reminded with a small grin.

"Ashley I was allowing a kiss. Not a full blown make out session that would lead to sex." The blonde kneeled down and kissed her lips gently. "I love you," Her eyes scanned her naked body. "And I love your body." She met Ashley's gaze again. "But." The rock star interrupted. "But my parents will feel differently about it. So! You need to shower and get dressed." She kissed the rock star a final time and then stood up.

Ashley watched her leave and then reached out for the green bottle on the coffee table. She knew it'd bother Spencer, but she wanted it and she couldn't stop herself from opening, and drinking it. She rolled over on her back and slowly drank the Heineken. She was nervous about meeting Spencer's parents. She didn't want to disappoint the blonde and bail, but she wasn't up to meeting her parents. The idea of using cocaine to solve her problem popped into her mind, she immediately pushed it away, never wanting to touch the drug again. She was just getting over being sick all of the time and her appetite was slowly coming back- cocaine was the last thing she wanted to do. Ashley drained the rest of her bottle and then stood up from the couch. She walked into the next room and stopped at the doorway. Spencer stood in front of the bed folding clothes, Ashley walked up behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist. Spencer leaned back into her with a smile. "Whatcha doing?" The rock star asked while resting her chin on her shoulder.

"Packing all of the overly priced clothes you bought in NYC." She answered playfully. "I wish you'd tell me how much it all cost."

"It doesn't matter. You're worth every penny." Ashley kissed her cheek softly. "And I don't know either. I'd tell you if I did."

Spencer turned and wrapped her arms around her neck. She gazed lovingly into brown eyes while playing with short hairs on the nape of her neck. "No you wouldn't." She kissed her gently and then rested her forehead against hers. "How do you feel about meeting my parents?" She asked softly.

"I'm nervous." She confessed honestly. "My biggest fear is that'll I say or do something to disappoint you."

"That's impossible Ashley. You're amazing and will never let me down. Just refrain from narcotics of any kind and I'm sure we'll be okay."

Ashley smiled. "That won't be too hard. You're better than any drug out there."

Spencer kissed her lips gently. "Mmm is this the side of you that wants sex talking?" She teased quietly.

"No, this is the side of me that loves you more than anything else in the world talking. And it's not just sex to me Spencer."

"I know Baby."

Their bodies came together, lips met and tongues danced as they stood in front of the bed. Ashley blindly reached around and unzipped her lover's dress, her hands exploring the skin on her upper back as she guided the blue garment down. Once gone, the brunette's hand slipped under her bra and she fondled an awakening nipple. "Ashley." Spencer gasped into her lover's mouth. "We shouldn't do this." She weakly stated while feeling her bra being unclasped. Ashley ignored her girlfriend's words as she took a hardening nipple into her mouth, her hand fondling the other, she sucked hungrily at the taunt peak.

Spencer's knees buckled, head fell back, and eyes closed as she voiced her pleasure. Her hands intertwined in growing auburn hair, pulling the rock star closer, she felt fingers roll her aroused nipple, intensifying the pounding between her legs. "Ashley, look at me Baby." The rock star's teeth raked over the taunt bud, sending a shiver down her girlfriend's spine, she looked into gray eyes and wasn't surprised when the blonde grabbed her hand and led them to bed.

They fell on top of the expensive covers. Spencer pulled Ashley on top of her and they kissed hard, Ashley cupped the blonde's sex through her underwear, her need for the blonde surpassed anything else in her mind. She loved the blonde's body and knew there would never be another like it for her. It was more addicting than cocaine, better than any drug she had ever had. She couldn't control her cravings for it and she loved giving into them.

Tanned fingers slipped through a tight waistband coming into contact with warm wet flesh, Ashley seductively stroked sensitive moist lips as her tongue slid easily into a moaning mouth. Spencer wrapped her arms around Ashley's naked shoulders, holding her close as she played with her lover's tongue ring.

Brown eyes closed when she felt herself being rolled over on her back, the lips that had possessed hers left and trailed down her body. Ashley reached down and stroked her lover's blonde hair. Spencer kissed down her lean tanned body, her teeth nipping at a taunt abdomen while Ashley's messaged her scalp. She moved farther down and parted her girlfriend's legs, knowing Ashley was ready for her, she leaned forward and plunged deep inside the rock star. Ashley's hips rose to meet her eager thrusts, her eyes rolled in the back of her when she felt her lover's mouth on her clit. "Spencer, that feels so fucking good." She moaned to the ceiling, her thighs beginning to quiver.

Hearing Ashley's moans and sighs, Spencer took her harder, her fingers plunging deeper and faster insider her. Her lips wrapped around her erect clit and she hugged Ashley's thighs as she moved more urgently against her. Spencer felt how close the rock star was and moved up her body until she was lying half on top of her, her lips latched onto the skin on her neck as her fingers moved faster, her thumb brushing over her clit, she finally stopped when Ashley stilled and cried out her name. Tanned legs stayed wrapped tightly around her fingers as Ashley climaxed. The blonde kissed her neck softly, murmuring loving words against her skin.

Ashley lied limply on the bed, a content smile falling over her face as she wrapped her arms around the blonde. Spencer snuggled up against her side, her head resting on her breast as she hugged her girlfriend's abdomen. "I've wanted to do that all day." Spencer confessed easily.

"Was most of last night not enough for you?" Ashley playfully asked, her eyes moving down to watch Spencer's hand.

The blonde drew lazy circles around her bellybutton. "I can't get enough of you Ashley."

"I feel the same way." The rock star admitted honestly. "I want one more night here Spencer."

"Ashley-"

"Please."

Spencer pulled away and looked into her eyes. She saw fear there. "You're afraid." Her hand reached up and stroked her face. "What's scaring you?"

Ashley couldn't answer the question. She didn't want to worry her girlfriend with her fears and doubts. "Nothing." She captured the blonde's mouth, stopping more questions. "I wanna love you." She murmured into the kiss.

The questions died from Spencer's mind as she nodded and kissed the rock star harder. Ashley eased her on her back and covered her smooth skin with her naked body. Spencer held the rock star close as Ashley took her hard nipple into her mouth, her tongue ring teasing it as tanned hands roamed up and down her body. Spencer moaned to her as she ran her hands lovingly through auburn hair, the rock star closed her eyes and savored her girlfriend's pleasure.

Ashley drew back and rested her weight on her forearms, her thigh moved seductively against Spencer's center as she nibbled on her ear. "Tell me what you want," She breathed. "I'll give you anything."

"Ashley…" Spencer gasped feeling the skin under her ear being sucked. "You know what I want."

The rock star pulled back and looked at her. "I want you to tell me." She pressed harder into the blonde, her brown eyes watched gray close as her lips parted from pleasure. "I'll do anything you want." She murmured taking her bottom lip between her teeth, she tugged on it as Spencer's nails raked lightly over her back. "Tell me Spencer."

Spencer's hips moved on their own accord against Ashley's thigh, coating her skin with her wetness, she moaned her answer. "I want you to fuck me." She brought her hands to Ashley's neck and brought her down for a kiss. It was hard and demanding, Ashley easily melted into it, her tongue fighting Spencer's as her hand trailed down the blonde's body, straying at golden curls, she teased the skin there. "Ashley," Spencer panted feeling Ashley's fingertips so close to her need, her legs parted willingly, waiting for her lover to fill her.

Ashley moved downward and captured her breast, her fingers lowered as she sucked eagerly on the blonde's nipple. Brushing against Spencer's erect clit, Ashley growled when she felt the blonde's nails dig into her shoulders. The rock star felt the blonde's urgency and entered her with two fingers, Spencer's hips moved upward, off the mattress as she moaned against her lover's touch. Two fingers soon became three, Ashley's thumb lightly stroked her clit as she moved faster inside her, giving her the hard fuck she desired. "Oh Ashley," The blonde called out as she felt her climax, her arms folding around Ashley's skin as the rock star continued to love her. "I love you Baby."

Ashley fell limply against Spencer's body, the blonde ran her hands through her damp hair, enjoying her lover's body on top of her own. Her forehead rested against the valley of her breasts, her weight being weakly supported by her forearms. "Relax Ashley." The blonde softly cooed, her hand stroking her sweaty cheek as she eased her body down.

The rock star was exhausted when loving warm arms wrap themselves around her. She stared tiredly out the open window and was met with the moon. They had stayed in bed all day long, making love and taking small naps, Ashley cherished every second. The whole week had been spent with love and caresses, she was going to miss it. There would be no talking Spencer out of seeing her family tomorrow, Ashley closed her eyes, was she ready to meet them? She had dragged out not seeing them for so long, a whole week, and now she was hours away from meeting the Carlins. She panicked, her eyes opened and she was unconsciously breathing fast, a light feeling in her head made her heart race she was scared. Ashley sat up and moved away from Spencer, she sat at the edge of the bed with her face buried in her hands, it wasn't long before she felt a caring hand gently rub her back. "This is the 3rd time this week." She dropped her hands and looked into gray eyes, her panic clearly written over her eyes as she spoke.

Spencer took her in her arms and caressed her lovingly. "You just need to get your mind off it." She murmured near her ear. "Sing me something."

Ashley opened her mouth and softly sang the first thing that came to mind. "I saw a star beneath the stairs glowing bright before descent  
and in the morning there is nothing left but what's inside of me." She closed her eyes and could hear the music in her mind, she felt Spencer's lips on her temple and melted further into the blonde. "Am I the star beneath the stairs? Am I a ghost upon the stage? Am I your anything?" The rock star stopped and drew back, she all of a sudden became uncomfortable and got off the bed, her eyes staring into Spencer's concerned face. "Why is this happening to me now?" She asked helplessly. "Spencer I've never had a problem with anxiety and stress and now I'm having a panic attack every other fucking day!"

Spencer got off the bed and pulled Ashley back into her arms. The rock star was getting upset and that wasn't good for her worsening panic condition. Spencer hated what Ashley was going through and how the rock star was handling it. The panicky feelings trigged Ashley's need for a couple of drinks, the blonde knew that was no way to treat anxiety, but didn't say anything. Ashley had refused to see a doctor or psychiatrist, claiming she was fine. "Relax Baby, I know it's hard but you'll get through it." She led them back to bed and waited until Ashley got settled before joining her. The room was quiet as Ashley stared up at the ceiling, trying hard not to think about cocaine, it didn't happen. She wanted more than anything to go out and get high, fuck the panic attacks, she thought bitterly knowing the cocaine would make them go away. Which was ironic since using was the reason she was having them. "You're mother called earlier today." The blonde murmured while running her fingers up and down Ashley's arm.

"Oh yeah? What'd she say?"

"I didn't answer it, but Ashley you need to call her back." The blonde felt the rock star slightly stiffen, she shifted on her forearms and stared down into her lover's face. She didn't understand what Ashley was hiding from. Her mother had left several messages for her, Ashley didn't respond to any of them. The blonde didn't bother asking her girlfriend more than once about it. The first time she flatly answered with a 'I don't want to talk about it.' "I think she's really worried about you."

"I doubt it." She murmured running her hands through flawless blonde hair, she cupped the back of Spencer's head and brought her down to her lips. The blonde resisted just as they were about to touch. "You do this a lot."

Confused, Ashley pulled back. "Do what?"

Spencer kissed her forehead, somewhat easing her mind. "Change the subject using your body." The rock star looked away somewhat guiltily. "I want you to tell me what's bothering you. " Their eyes met again. "I love you Ashley and I'm worried. Put my fears to rest Baby and talk to me. Please."

"Okay." Ashley sighed softly. "I guess I'll start off by saying I'm nervous about tomorrow. I wish I had cocaine to take, Spencer. It'd make things so much easier." Spencer began stroking the ends of her hair as she spoke. "I don't know how to handle things without getting high." She closed her eyes and sighed softly. "What am I going to do? I don't know how to act around normal people, people who aren't whores or musicians. I know I'm only going as your friend but I'm still stressing over it. I don't want to fuck anything up and with my luck, I will."

"Don't say that Ashley. You're an amazing person without drugs, I've seen that all week and my family isn't going to do anything but try to make you comfortable. They love treating their guests like kings." Spencer smiled and bent down to kiss her lips softly. "You have nothing to worry about. I'll be there too Ashley, I think you're forgetting that. We're going to have an amazing time."

Ashley nodded and mumbled an 'okay.' She forced a smile and kissed Spencer a final time. The blonde settled back into her arms and rested her head on her chest. Ashley placed a blanket over them and wrapped her arms around her warm body, staring up at the ceiling, she continued to think. She was afraid to leave the hotel. Inside the confines of their suite, they were free to be themselves, kissing whenever they pleased, not having to worry about the media, and most importantly, there was no drugs around, making sobriety so much easier for Ashley. The rock star had been in heaven for the past week. "Can I handle being back in hell?" She mouthed to the sky.

**Chapter 2**

"Jesus." Ashley panted as her lover captured her clit in her mouth. Through hooded brown eyes, she stared down at the blonde head nestled between her thighs, caressing her as she made her body tremble. The blinds were drawn up allowing sunlight to fall over them. The heat embracing her skin matched the warmth spreading throughout her body. Spencer's touch always made her hot all over, now wasn't an exception, even with little sleep, the rock star's back still arched as she exploded against her lover's lips. She barely realized the kisses placed over her abdomen as she rode out wave after wave of ecstasy. Her eyes opened and she found herself drowning in dark pools of gray. "I love you Ashley." Spencer murmured dipping her head to kiss her lips and then damp cheek. A light sheen of sweat covered both their bodies as Ashley cupped her lover's face for harder kisses. They both moaned as their tongues met, eager to engage, the rock star nearly cursed when Spencer pulled away. Her phone was ringing in the other room, Ashley watched Spencer's face change from desire to surprise. The blonde was sitting up when her eyes landed on the window. "Morning already?" The rock star had to smirk as she rolled over and buried her face in a pillow. She knew playtime was over the second Spencer stepped out of the room. Unfortunately, it was Spencer's mother who was calling and the blonde usually spent hours on the phone with her.

A sigh of contentment escaped Ashley's lips as her eyes closed. Exhaustion was expected after spending all hours of the night expressing her love for Spencer. The rock star burrowed deeper into the bed enjoying the feel of the cool sheets against her naked skin. Her mind was just beginning to drift into unconsciousness when Spencer walked back in, talking as if she were wide awake and listening, Ashley mostly grunted and mechanically agreed with everything her girlfriend said. "No," The rock star murmured when she slowly opened one eye and peered at the edge of the bed. Spencer had one of her bags open, ready for packing, Ashley dreaded the moment, it signaled what she feared most. Leaving.

Spencer stared at her, fighting back a smile, she said, "I thought you were ready to leave." Ashley shook her head while yawning. The blonde knew Ashley was sleeping when she had 'Mmhm'd' to leaving right away. That didn't stop her from getting their things packed. Her mother was anxious to see her and meet Ashley; Spencer didn't blame her. For the past week she had been promising a long visit, and soon. The blonde clicked her tongue as she folded a pair of Ashley's jeans. They were supposed to be there already, but of course, Ashley always made leaving impossible. "Not this time Baby." She told the sleeping rock star finding the way her arms hugged the pillow completely adorable. It wasn't uncommon for Ashley to swing in and out of consciousness while she slept. Amazing what you find out about a person when you start sleeping with them, Spencer thought with a smile.

It didn't take very long for Spencer to get everything ready to go. Coming out of the shower, she looked at her sleeping lover. The rock star was dead to the world, oblivious to anything around her, which was strange. Ashley was usually a very light sleeper. Opening a door usually got her attention. "Not this time." Spencer said out loud closing the bathroom door. She walked over to the nightstand and looked at her cell phone. The clock read 7:45 a.m. "Ashley." Spencer called out gently placing the phone back down. "Ashley." She tried again.

Nothing.

Spencer pursed her lips in thought as she watched Ashley sleep. The rock was obviously tired, more than usual it seemed, and Spencer didn't have the heart to wake her. "You're doing it again." She told the rock star with a light chuckle. "Making Mom wait longer so we can lie in bed." Spencer got on the bed and settled next to her girlfriend. The rock star lied on her stomach facing away from Spencer. Yawning, Spencer decided they could leave later. Closing her eyes, she drifted off and joined her lover in the land of unconsciousness.

**xxxxxxxxxx**

Ashley closed the SUV door firmly and waited for Spencer to get in. They had rented a white escalade, long and wide, Ashley didn't like it, not liking bigger vehicles. The rock star only valued its large space that easily accommodated their belongings. "Are you sure you want to leave today?" Ashley backed out of the tight parking space, her hands maneuvering the wheel with some frustration, it was apparent she wasn't used to driving anything taller than herself. Her spider came to mind, she missed driving it, the high speeds, smooth ride- it was everything she wanted in a car. Her eyes scanned the cars around her. There was nothing like it, there was no doubt in her mind she would stick out driving a Lamborghini in small town Ohio and decided she was happy with the escalade. Drawing attention was the last thing she wanted to do in her girlfriend's hometown.

Spencer didn't look away from the small mirror of her compact as she answered. "I'm sure Ashley, you should be too." She closed her makeup and placed it in her purse. Her eyes stayed glued to the inside of her bag as she searched for her phone. "We were supposed to be there days ago. You've had more than enough time to think about things and become comfortable with them."

Ashley smiled, her eyes never leaving the road as she drove out of the hotel's parking garage, she replied "I was too busy getting comfortable with you to have anything else on my mind. It's your fault I'm not comfortable."

"Oh right." Spencer looked up at her. "Because I'm the one who constantly demands sex in this relationship."

Stopping at a red light, Ashley turned her head and met her gaze. "You said it, not me."

Chuckling, Spencer shook her head and focused on her purse again. "I'm starting to wonder why I keep you around."

Ashley gently hit the gas and kept her eyes open for the highway. "I think we both know the answer to that."

"I hope we have the same thing in mind." She glanced up at Ashley. Her lips were pursed as her eyes scanned the outside world.

"I doubt it." She answered calmly. "You're mind is more perverted than mine. Heaven knows what you're thinking." She added playfully.

The blonde gently smacked her upper arm with the back of her hand. "Do you know where you're going?" Spencer asked watching Ashley slow down to look closer at the road signs.

"Yeah, you gave me directions the other day." She turned on the right road and sped up a little.

Spencer was taken aback by the answer. "Four days ago. You still remember them?" Ashley nodded. "Wow, I guess you and AJ have something other than looks in common after all."

Ashley frowned. She couldn't stand the mention of her cousin's name. Knowing she looked anything like him and her father also bothered her. She considered having major plastic surgery done on her face. She wondered if Spencer would mind if she dyed her skin. The rock star smiled at her own ridiculous thoughts. "We have nothing in common. I'm naturally good with directions. He has to use navigational systems and Pops to get by." The name tasted foreign coming from her mouth. Thinking back, she realized she hadn't said her father's name in days.

"I heard from him the other day."

"Who?" Ashley reached for the water in Spencer's lap.

The blonde watched her down half the bottle with surprise. Ashley had eaten half her body weight at lunch, Spencer couldn't believe she was downing more, especially since she hated eating. "Pops."

"Great." She handed Spencer back the bottle and stared out the windshield.

Spencer could tell by her tense shoulders that she was already uncomfortable with the subject. They sat in complete silence for over a minute.

Spencer sighed. "Aren't you interested in his health at all?"

The rock star shook her head a little. "Not really. I know everything I care to know. He's dying and I'm okay with it." Her hand reached out for the radio, Spencer took it just as she was about to push the power button. The rock star felt a jab of anger go through her. "What's wrong?" She masked her feelings by asking the question quietly.

"Ashley your feelings towards him aren't healthy. I really think you should see someone and talk things out. Say everything you won't tell me."

Ashley glanced over at her. "Are you implying something?"

"You tell me what you want me to know and that's fine. I just want you to feel better and seeing a psychiatrist might help you."

"I feel fine." Ashley reached out for the radio again.

"Will you at least think about it?" She asked over the low volume music. "I really think you should give it a shot." The rock star nodded okay and then turned up the volume. Her index finger stayed glued to the search button as she tried to find something good to listen to. The thought of sharing her issues with a complete stranger was ridiculous. Ashley knew it wouldn't solve anything. How could Spencer expect her to tell a complete stranger everything she couldn't tell her own girlfriend? The blonde was her rock, if she couldn't tell Spencer, she couldn't tell anyone. "I hate radio." She mumbled while dropping her hand. "Can you look around for my CD case? It's somewhere in the back."

Spencer stared amusingly at her. "You want me to take off my seatbelt, crawl over two rows of seats, go through everything crammed in the trunk just so you don't have to listen to the radio?"

"Please." Ashley replied with a small pout. "I'll stop and get you a cookie."

"I'll settle for a kiss."

The rock star easily complied and turned her head, kissing briefly, Ashley calmly turned her attention back to the road while Spencer took off her seat belt.

_I want to hold you close  
Skin pressed against me tight  
Lie still, and close your eyes girl  
So lovely, it feels so right_

The rock star searched blindly for her razor, her hand roaming the passenger seat, she finally found it and brought it up to her face. A smile came over her lips when she realized who the caller was. "What's up Sammy?"

Spencer continued looking for Ashley's CD case while listening to her lover's conversation. Her back was rigid from hearing Samantha's name. She didn't like the other blonde at all. She knew she was probably being ridiculous, maybe even jealous, but she couldn't help it. She was one of Ashley's little sex friends. Spencer sighed. If it were Aiden she'd make him stop seeing her. She couldn't do that to Ashley. The rock star wasn't the sweet little boy Aiden was. Ashley would find her words ridiculous and disregard them.

"Where are you Aly?" The blonde asked casually. She lied naked in bed watching her male escort from the night before dress. "I have some interesting plans for this weekend. I think you'll be more than happy to join me."

Ashley could already tell the plans were sex related. Samantha naturally purred when she was talking about sex. The rock star was curious but she wouldn't be joining her friend. She was going to be too busy with Spencer and her family, Plus, she didn't want to go off and have sex with Sammy or anyone else. No matter who the other person was, she knew she wouldn't compare to Spencer. " I can't do anything this weekend with you. I'm spending time with Spencer."

Samantha frowned deeply. She couldn't wait until Ashley was finished with Spencer. The rock star was wasting her time with the blonde. Samantha knew for a fact that they weren't going to last much longer. She smiled as Madison came to mind. The reporter had loved their little fuck session, but Samantha could see there was a bit of hesitation in her eyes when she took the small DVD. She wondered if the reporter had second thoughts about exposing her friend and Spencer. "That's too bad. I met this girl, very hot and very much you're type. You'd absolutely love her my darling…but you're obviously not interested. We could have had fun with her."

"You have to stop doing that." Ashley hissed with some frustration. She was getting fed up with Samantha's attitude. She felt like the older girl wasn't hearing anything she said, everything about her and Spencer was blanked out of her mind, it aggravated the rock star. "I don't ever want to fuck another girl with you. Why would you even bring it up? You know I'm with Spencer, Sammy. It makes no sense why you're trying to get me out there to do that shit with you."

The older blonde was stunned by her calm but angry tone. Ashley never used to talk to her like that, it was deeply upsetting. She was missing her wild fun friend more and more everyday. This new Ashley wasn't going to work with her. Drug free, faithful- it was all disgusting. The rock star needed some coke, a bitch, and more importantly, her to get back to her old self. "I'm sorry Aly, I guess I'm underestimating your relationship with this girl." She smiled as a thought came to mind, maybe she could find a way to get used to Spencer. "I bet you wouldn't mind if we shared _her_. Just for one night." Samantha added with a purr.

The rock star opened her mouth but nothing came out. The thought of her, Sammy and Spencer in one bed was a major turn on. She loved both blondes and three ways were always fun- she heard Spencer get settled in the passenger seat and immediately stopped thinking. Spencer wouldn't agree to it and Ashley felt awful for considering it for as long as she did. It made her wonder if she was really changing from a sex craving addict to someone Spencer could easily trust and love."No," She answered softly into the phone. "I can't do that."

"I know you want too Ashley, it's all in your voice Baby. But I'll let the subject drop and let you talk it over with her. You know blondie would do anything to make you happy." The rich blonde smiled smugly. "Don't go too fast with the wild crazy sex, you know how the sweet straight girls can be, you wouldn't want to scare her. On a totally different note, I must go now my darling, business calls. I love you Aly and please be careful. I hear people out there can be a little…judgmental."

"I'll be fine."

Spencer sat quietly beside her girlfriend scanning the CD's on the page. Her eyes stared but didn't see anything, her attention was solely on Ashley, everything else was out of focus and mattered little to her. The way she ended the phone conversation with Samantha was disturbing, "I love you too' the words played in her mind. They shouldn't have bothered her but they did. How much did Ashley love her? They were obviously close, Ashley only used those words for her, Spencer hated that another girl got to hear them. She knew she was being ridiculous but she felt she had a good reason. Her girlfriend was telling another woman she loved her- and not just any woman. It was Samantha Richmond. Ashley's favorite fuck buddy.

Ashley turned her phone off and threw it in the back seat. She didn't want to talk to anybody. A half hour out in the real world and she was already missing being alone with Spencer, away from the rest of the world, in their suite. Her thoughts fast forward to the future and she thought about her life in LA. It wouldn't be the same with Spencer, there will be no more nights filled with drugs and sex, all the dark hours would be spent in bed with Spencer. The thought made her smile, it was a real genuine smile that she couldn't stop, she wanted to share it with Spencer, show the blonde how happy she made her. The smile faded when she caught sight of her lover. The blonde stared out the window, her posture was alarming, it went well with the tense air around them. "What's wrong?" She asked breaking the silence.

The blonde turned her head and met concerned brown eyes. They only stared into hers for a second and then shifted back to the road. Spencer didn't know how to answer the question. What's wrong. She felt a million things were wrong but the truth was Samantha was her only real problem. Did Ashley have feelings for her? The thought alone was painful, it scared Spencer. "I want to understand your relationship with Samantha." Her voice was calm with no anger, if anything, it sounded curious to the rock star.

That wasn't what Ashley expected. "Understand my relationship with Samantha?" She repeated out loud. "There's not much to it. I've known her for along time and we've been friends since I can remember."

The blonde wasn't satisfied with the answer. "Only friends." Ashley nodded. "Have you ever wanted to be more with her?"

The rock star's eyes snapped over to her. She noticed the fear on her face, how she held her breath, and immediately decided to ease her lover's mind. Ashley didn't have to think at all. The answer automatically left her lips. "I just want her friendship, Spencer. I love her but it's very shallow." She reached out and took her girlfriend's hand. "My love for you runs so much deeper that I drown in it. I drown in everything I feel for you. I'm so in love with you Spencer Carlin. Please don't doubt that for a second."

The words were sincere and warm- they went straight to Spencer's heart. The blonde leaned over and kissed her cheek, her eyes closing as she felt the hand holding hers tighten. "I'm sorry for being so ridiculous. I know you love me Ashley and I feel the same way about you. There is no one else on this planet for me." She brought their hands up to her face and kissed Ashley's knuckles leisurely. The rock star smiled at the feeling and brought their hands to rest on her thigh.

"Now that that's settled, did you find anything to listen to?"

Spencer nodded and picked out a techno CD. The rock star put it in and sung along with the familiar lyrics. Spencer joined in and relaxed in her seat. They were getting close to her hometown. She looked at Ashley and smiled at how content she looked. The rock star was making major progress with her cocaine cravings, they were slowly fading to Spencer's relief. Ashley wasn't the same person she met on tour. The rock star smiled a lot more and it spoke volumes.

Spencer couldn't be more in love with the auburn haired teen.

**xxxxxxxxxx**

The trip up the long rocky driveway was full of anticipation and fear for Ashley. The rock star drove a lot slower than usual while her heart and mind raced. Her teeth peaked out and began chewing nervously on her bottom lip as her eyes took in the breath taking scenery. It obvious the property was owned by someone financially stable. The land was clean with horses roaming the large snowy expanses. In a distance, she saw a large pond covered over in ice. The house itself was also big. Two story, white, colonial- it was obvious Spencer had a good childhood. Ashley stopped the car near the house and looked at her girlfriend. She sat with a happy smile on her face, Ashley did her best to mirror it, reassuring the blonde she was okay. "Ready?" Spencer leaned over and kissed her lips tenderly. "I promise everything will be fine." Ashley nodded and they exited the vehicle in sync. The rock star took a second to stand and stretch out her eager muscles. Waves of adrenalin swept through her as she stared out into the open land. The urge to just take off was strong, she ignored it and walked over to the other side of the car. "Now what?" The rock star asked nearing her girlfriend.

Spencer's eyes roamed her girlfriend's body and she found herself wanting to embrace her slender form. Ashley wore tight blue jeans, black slip on's and a band T shirt covered by a black canvas jacket. It all hugged her lean form comfortably. "Come here." Spencer threw all caution out the window and wrapped her arms around the rock star. Ashley was surprised but easily melted into the embrace. "What is this for?" She asked against her shoulder. Spencer held her tighter. "I just want to hold you." Ashley chuckled near her ear. "Is that all you want to do to me?" She purred missing the sound of the front door opening.

Paula Carlin stood on the porch staring down at the two teens. She had walked out of the house with a wide smile at seeing her daughter. It faltered when Spencer pulled the smaller girl into her arms. The older blonde all of a sudden felt uncomfortable watching them. The look on Spencer's face at the moment was nothing less of pure bliss. Her eyes were closed and lips tilted into a dreamy smile as she melted against the rock star. She couldn't see the other girl's facial expression, Ashley's back was to her, but the way she allowed Spencer to hold her was disturbing. "Spencer." She called out awkwardly, her footsteps echoing as she walked down the porch steps.

The excitement in Spencer's eyes was contagious. Paula found herself pulling her daughter from the rock star's arms and holding her close. "I've missed you Honey." She said while rocking her little girl. She couldn't have been happier. Spencer was back home and safely in her arms. "I've missed you too, Mom." Spencer chuckled and pulled back. She had forgotten how emotional her mother was and was reminded when she caught sight of her happy eyes and tears. "Don't cry, there's someone I want you to meet. Mom this is Ashley."

Ashley Davies, right there in her front yard, it was bizarre. She stood casually in front of them with her hands tucked in her jacket pockets. Her posture was cool but Paula could see it in her eyes. The girl was ready to flee. She threw the idea of shaking her hand out the window and pulled her into a hug. She could feel the teen's muscles tense up immediately but that didn't stop her from holding the troubled teen. She had heard so much about Ashley, some bad some good, and couldn't help but compare her to her twin sister Sherry. The thought made her squeeze harder. "It's nice to meet you Ashley." She pulled back and released the bundle of taunt muscles. "I've heard so much about you."

I bet. "It's nice to meet you too." Ashley stated awkwardly. The older blonde's actions held her in a state of shock. She wasn't expecting that as a greeting. "Your house is beautiful." She added politely. The older blonde shared her lover's gray eyes and blonde hair, their resemblance was uncanny, Ashley felt herself relax. If Paula was anything like Spencer, she'd be extremely welcoming and very social.

Paula's face lit up. "Thank you, I'm glad you like it." Her eyes moved to the large escalade sitting in the drive way. "Do you need help with the bags?" She looked at the girls with a large smile. "I bet the whole back of that truck is full of them."

"You have no idea." Spencer chuckled. "We'll get them later. I'm freezing and would love some hot chocolate."

"That sounds good right about now." Paula looked at Ashley. "Do you like hot chocolate?"

"Hot chocolate sounds great." Ashley answered convincingly. She didn't really like hot chocolate, she found coffee more appealing, but decided to drink it anyway. She didn't want to be the odd man out by saying 'coffee.' The rock star questioned her thoughts. She normally didn't have a problem with telling people what she wanted, even if it was a hassle to get, if she wanted it, she always got it. It confused her that she was settling with something she didn't like at all.

Spencer was first to enter the nice two story house. It felt good being back home, she thought while removing her coat and placing it on a nearby coat rack. She turned around and offered to take Ashley's. The rock star politely declined and followed the two blondes into the living room. It was your typical family room. Very cozy with pictures of the family placed everywhere. There was something missing, Ashley realized while scanning the room. Christmas decorations. She looked at Spencer and noticed the confused look on her face. "Are we skipping out on Christmas this year?" Spencer asked her mother.

Paula nodded briefly with a sad look in her eyes. She loved Christmas as much as the next person but the year had been so stressful that she decided to completely ignore it. She was too drained from everything else in her life to even think about the hectic holiday. "Caitlyn just got out of the hospital and Christmas is the last thing her tired little body needs."

Caitlyn. Ashley had forgotten all about the little Carlin. Spencer had mentioned her the first night of their stay in Ohio. She was Spencer's 7 year old cousin, very sick, the little blonde lived with them instead of her drug addicted mother. She also had a 16 year old brother, Ashley forgot his name but she knew she'd be meeting him sooner or later. He also lived with Spencer and her family. "How is she?" Ashley asked knowing the little girl recently finished chemotherapy.

"She's doing a lot better." Paula answered meeting her brown eyes. The sincerity in the rock star's voice was touching. She could tell Ashley was a very caring person and was nothing like she'd imagine. She had predicted the rock star to be rude and stuck up with a 'I can do whatever the fuck I want' attitude. She didn't see any of that in Ashley. If anything, the young rock star seemed very quiet and to herself. It was relieving. "I'm sure she'll love to see you two when she wakes up." Paula chuckled. "She was so excited when I told her a famous rock star was coming home with you." She told Spencer.

The blonde also chuckled. Her cousin was just like everyone else in the family. Always wanting to meet someone new and interesting. She glanced over at Ashley and noticed her stiff shoulders. It was obvious she was uncomfortable with the subject, Spencer wondered why. She looked back into her mother's eyes. "I'm going to show Ashley around the house." She took the rock star's hand and intertwined their fingers. "Call us when the hot chocolate's ready?"

"Of course." Paula agreed and then winked at the girls before exiting the room.

Ashley entered the next room with Spencer. It was a beautiful sunroom built solely with windows. Ashley stared out the clear glass in amazement. She had a perfect view of the large land covered in snow and it was breathtaking. She looked at Spencer. "This room is amazing. I've never seen anything like it."

Spencer smiled at her. "It's my favorite in the house." She led Ashley deeper into the room and urged her down on the day bed with her. She held the rock star's hand as they watched the snow slowly fall under the bright sun. "You make it more incredible, Ashley." Ashley met gray eyes and watched her girlfriend lean forward, she turned her head just as their lips touched. Spencer paused and then pulled back staring uneasily at the rock star. Her head was turned away and eyes casted out the window. "What's wrong?" She whispered softly.

Ashley got up and released her lover's hand. She wrapped her arms around herself and stared down at Spencer. "It's weird standing in this beautiful room with you Spencer. It's so warm even though the world around us is freezing cold." She thought of Paula. "You're mother is amazing, this house is amazing, you're amazing- I don't feel right here." She let her arms fall. "I don't think I deserve to be here with you."

Spencer stared intently into brown eyes, trying to figure out what was running through the rock star's mind. She sat further back into the daybed and fought hard to keep her composure. It wasn't easy. Her heart was racing as Ashley's words continued to sink in, she wanted to leave. "What makes you say that Ashley?" She asked calmly as her eyes bore into her lover's.

Ashley smirked bitterly. "I'm a fucking drug addict Spencer. For the last two years I've been snorting cocaine and having sex with random women. You think your mother would want me here if she knew that?" She shook her head. "I think I should just leave before she figures me out."

Spencer stood up. "And where do you plan on going Ashley? Back to L.A.?" The rock star hesitated before nodding. "And what would you do there?" Ashley didn't answer, her eyes dropped Spencer's gaze and landed on the floor. Spencer stepped forward and cupped her face, forcing their eyes to meet. "Is it Ashley or the addict that wants to go back to L.A.?"

"Is there a difference?" She murmured.

"Yes. You're not the same person when you're high Ashley." Her hand slowly slid up her arm, pushing the long sleeve of her jacket up, Spencer ran her thumb over scared tanned skin covering her lover's damaged wrist. "Would you have done this sober?" The rock star shook her head 'no' and then closed the distance between them. She buried her face against Spencer's neck as the blonde held her. "Does it ever get easy Spencer?" She mumbled against pale flesh. "I haven't snorted any in forever and it still won't leave me alone. I'm always thinking about it Spencer. Will it ever go away?"

"Of course it will Baby." She whispered near her ear. There was so much torment in her lover's voice, it brought tears to her eyes. She loved Ashley so much and hurt to see her in pain. She wanted more than anything to make it all go away. "I promise it will Ashley."

**xxxxxxxxxx**


	2. This is making love

The tray in her hands shook lightly as she continued staring at the two embracing teens. Paula backed away from the doorway and turned, rushing out of the room, she entered the kitchen and placed the tray near the sink. It held three steaming cups of hot chocolate, the older blonde wanted to surprise the girls with the warm treat but ended up being the one surprised. Spencer and Ashley hugging rather intimately in the sunroom, Paula could still see them; Spencer's lips brushing against Ashley's ear as she spoke softly to her- she didn't know what to make of it. "Goodness." She gasped as the image imprinted in her mind. Ashley's sexual orientation came to mind, she was a lesbian, Paula didn't agree with the lifestyle but she never made it her business to bother anyone about it. She wondered if she ever convinced Spencer to- Paula shook off the absurd thought and laughed. No, Spencer had Aiden, she would never do anything with another woman. Ashley was just a troubled girl who her daughter wanted to help.

Hearing voices, Paula turned around and her gaze landed on the two girls. She smiled at them. "Hot chocolate is ready." She grabbed the tray again and walked over to the table. Ashley took the seat across from Spencer and thanked her for the warm cup. "You're welcome." She took the seat at the head of the table and stared at the girls. Spencer was blowing softly at her drink, Ashley's eyes were glued to her lips. "Spencer." Paula addressed happily. "Tell me about your time away from home. Did you have fun out there with Aiden?"

Spencer coughed on the liquid sliding down her throat. Hearing Aiden's name leave her mother's lips was a wake up call for the younger blonde. She remembered her mother had no idea they weren't together anymore. Staring into her vibrant gray eyes, Spencer dreaded having to see them dim. Her mother loved Aiden like a son, knowing they broke up would surely break her heart. "Yeah, we had tons of fun." She swallowed nervously and glanced over at Ashley. Brown eyes were glued to the cup cradled in tanned hands, a somewhat guilty expression was placed over the rock star's face. Spencer looked back at Paula. "We're not together anymore."

Silence followed the announcement, Ashley looked up and noticed the shock sprawl over Paula's face. The older blonde looked devastated at the news. The rock star looked away and wondered how she'd react if she found out she was the reason they broke up. It was apparent Paula, like everyone else in the world, was in love with Spaiden. The rock star hated the stupid name they had for her girlfriend and her friend, it was printed all over teen magazines, making her sick.

"When?" Paula questioned calmly.

"Not too long ago. It was best for both of us. We wanted different things." Spencer explained casually, her hand wrapped around the handle of the coffee cup, bringing it up to her lips, she took a sip, trying to control her fast beating heart as she placed it back down.

Her calmness about the situation was surprising. Paula imagined their break up would affect her daughter somehow, staring into her mirroring gray eyes, the older blonde saw nothing relatively close to sadness. "You seem to be taking it well." She noted and then looked at Ashley. "Was she sad at all when it happened?" She asked assuming Ashley knew. Her and Spencer seemed close, Ashley was probably there when it happened.

The rock star shifted uneasily in her seat. She thought back and didn't remember Spencer being overly upset about it. If anything, the blonde was really nonchalant about the break up. She didn't think the blonde ever cried over Aiden, if she did, Ashley never saw the tears. "I'm sure she was." She answered awkwardly. "They were in love for a good while."

Paula looked at Spencer. "And still are according to those magazines. How do you explain that?"

"We decided not tell the media about it." She sighed. "It'd only be a pain in the ass for everyone."

Paula laughed humorlessly, it was short lived but still conveyed the anger she felt. "Well I hope you're having fun lying to the world." She paused. "Spencer why didn't you tell me? Did you think I was going to run out and tell everyone?"

"No." Spencer answered quickly. "It was nothing like that Mom. I just wanted to tell you in person, not over the phone."

Paula sighed believing her daughter. Spencer never lied, and when she did, it showed. She decided to save the 'your not going to find a better man' talk for another time. Spencer wouldn't take her words seriously, if anything, they'd go in one ear and out the other. "I need something sweet with this." Her chair slid back as she stood. Paula placed a kiss on the top of Spencer's head and then walked over to the pantry.

Spencer looked up at Ashley. The rock star reached out and took her hand, giving it a quick squeeze, she pulled away when she heard the pantry door close. Her eyes fell on her hot chocolate as Paula took her seat again. The blonde came back with a box of brownies. Ashley politely declined when she was offered one and blew on her hot drink, listening to mother daughter talk.

**xxxxxxxxx**

Gray eyes traveled up the tanned body sprawled out across her queen sized bed. Ashley lied on her back, arms crossed behind her head, eyes closed and content smile spread over her lips. Spencer couldn't help but smile herself. Ashley looked so relaxed at the moment, like there wasn't a worry in her mind, she looked happy and it radiated off her in waves, relieving Spencer. There were times when she questioned Ashley's happiness with her. Sometimes, they'd be lying in the dark, naked, side by side, Spencer would open her eyes and stare at Ashley. There would be this far away look in her eyes as she stared up at the ceiling. The blonde always wondered what Ashley was thinking. The staring would range from seconds to hours, Spencer wanted to hold her, kiss her face, tell her she loved her, do anything to put a smile on her face. She never gave into those urges, not wanting to bother the rock star, she just closed her eyes, fell asleep, and showed the rock star how much she loved her the next morning.

Ashley felt the bed shift and felt a great amount of joy fill her chest knowing Spencer was with her. The emotions that ran through her were hard to believe, the rock star was still puzzled by them, how easily Spencer affected her, she didn't understand it. She didn't understand how she could love someone so much, how her every move could revolve around a single person. Brown eyes opened and she watched Spencer come to her. She moved on her hands and knees with a subtle smile covering her lips. Ashley sat up and cupped her cheek, closing her eyes, she brought those lips to her and kissed the blonde thoroughly, her lips moving sensually against Spencer's, she lied back and urged her girlfriend down with her, parting her lips, she deepened the kiss.

Spencer's body responded to the rock star's tongue as her lover's barbell teased her mouth. Feeling a tanned hand slip under her shirt, Spencer moaned and kissed the rock star harder, fueling her desire for Ashley, she took her bottom lip with her teeth and gently raked over it. "Mmm," She pulled back and opened her eyes. Staring into passion filled eyes, Spencer fought back the urge to just ravish her girlfriend. She ignored the pounding between her legs and berated herself. "I've been looking for you."

The rock star's fingers absently stroked the skin on the small of her back, "I brought the bags in while you and your mother talked." Spencer and Paula had been chatting in the kitchen, talking about everything from childhood memories to the tour, Ashley didn't feel comfortable listening. She excused herself and headed outside. Her hand reached inside her jacket and pulled out a cigarette, her thoughts swam around the two blondes as she smoked. They were the perfect mother/daughter team, her feelings towards them were frustrating, she found herself yearning for something similar. Her thoughts strayed to Brenda. Her mother had called several times during their stay in the hotel. Ashley never answered, she couldn't handle anything major, the tiniest problem would open the floodgates, cocaine cravings would drown her mind, devour her peace- she avoided the phone calls, avoided her mother, avoided the world, and cherished what she valued most. Spencer.

Spencer turned her head and noticed the suitcases. They were aligned neatly on the other side of the bed. She pursed her lips in thought, wondering where Ashley things were, and then stared down into brown eyes. "Thank you." She dipped her head and kissed her softly. "But where are your things?"

"I left them in the car." She gently ran her fingers along the soft skin on Spencer's jaw. "I don't know where I'm sleeping." Her hand continued down Spencer's neck, enjoying the pale smoothness of her body, her thumb paused on the fading mark staining her skin, she gently stroked it, remembering the feel of her lips against her lover's flesh. She looked back into gray eyes, smiling. "Sharing your room isn't an option, is it?"

Burying her head against Ashley's shoulder, Spencer shook her head. "My mother would never allow that." She moved down and nuzzled her lover's covered her breast, turning her head, she felt the barest hint of her nipple press against her cheek as she spoke. "She treats her guests better than her family." Spencer smiled softly as Ashley wrapped her arms around her. "You're getting your own room, I'm guessing the basement, my mother loves putting people down there."

"That's not creepy at all." Ashley dragged her left hand up her back and began stroking her hair, marveling at its softness. "Will I come out alive?" She asked playfully.

"Not if my mom sees us like this." Spencer sighed as she lifted herself up, kissing Ashley a final time, she stared down into her soft tanned face, wanting to stay in the rock star's arms longer, she frowned knowing they were taking a big risk by being together in her room, alone on the bed, Paula could easily walk in on them at any second. "We should get out of here. Maybe finish getting your things…" She felt Ashley's hands lower, running over the back of her jeans, Spencer noticed the look in her eyes and wanted to give into them. Give into Ashley, but couldn't. "We can't." She immediately rolled off her lover and got off the bed. Standing, she fixed her clothes while walking over to the life size mirror on the other side of the room.

Ashley lied on the bed watching Spencer fix her hair. Her body still hummed from their closeness, the rock star ignored it and sat up. She knew sex wasn't going to happen with Paula around, it bothered her but she wasn't going to complain. Moving off the bed, she walked over to Spencer, placing her hands on her waist, she kissed her cheek gently. "I'm going out to the car." She murmured near her ear.

Feeling the hands leave her body, Spencer turned around and met her gaze. "I'll help you get your things." Ashley shook her head and insisted it was fine. "Are you sure?" The rock star nodded. Spencer kissed her softly. "I'll see you in a little bit. I'm going to soak in the tub for awhile. I kind of miss it."

"Sounds fun." Ashley mused as a mental picture of her wet naked girlfriend came to mind. She fought back asking 'can I joy?' and bit her tongue. "Take your time." She pulled her girlfriend to her and wrapped her arms around her. "I'll be fine."

**xxxxxxxxx**

"Godammit." Ashley muttered from the top of the staircase. Her eyes were glued to the empty box of Marlboro in her hands, wanting a cigarette, she crumbled the box in her grasp and flew down the stairs. The frustration she felt echoed through her steps, bouncing off the walls and filling the first floor, she was unaware of the noise she was making as she opened the front door and stepped outside. Tanned arms wrapped over her chest as she fought her cigarette cravings, knowing she couldn't have one was killing the rock star. The 17 year old was so used to getting what she wanted that her bratty attitude automatically took over when things didn't go her way. Her legs moved determinedly to the car, she reached out for the door handle and opened the trunk. The large space was packed with her bags. At least 7 large suitcases filled the back of the escalade, Ashley didn't know which ones held what. With a heavy sigh, she reached in and grabbed the handle to one of them, knowing she had another pack of cigarettes somewhere, she forcefully pulled it out and set it on the ground. "Jesus." She murmured when she realized how heavy it was, it was obvious the suitcase was full of clothes, further heightening the rock star's frustration. Going through every bag would take forever, she realized staring at the trunk. Her emotions got the best of her, a feral smirk spread across her lips as she stared down at the bag on the floor. Her body bent down and unzipped the large suitcase, fully opened, she began grabbing her clothes and throwing them carelessly behind her in search of a cigarette. Her eyes completely glazed over, intent on finding what she was looking for, she finally found it. In her hands was a pair of black pants, she felt something in it's pockets, not wasting any time, she pulled it out and smiled triumphantly at the plastic in her hands. She soon got on her knees, staining the expensive denim of her jeans in dirt, she ruthlessly poured the cocaine on the palm of her hand. She used her free hand to help snort the white powder, it went up her left nostril first, her eyes closed as she felt it enter her body, a couple seconds later, it went up her right, her face held a dreamy expression as she laid back and enjoyed the ride. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so good.

"Ashley?"

The rock star felt a hand on her shoulder, with a start, she turned around. She met Paula's concerned gaze and swallowed hard, her mind felt all over the place, she looked around for her clothes, expecting to see a mess everywhere, there was none. Turning around, she realized all her bags where still in the SUV. She gasped in surprised and then felt around her nose, it felt normal, no burning or itching- it all confused the rock star. Had she imagined the whole thing? "Ashley?" The rock star faced the older blonde, her hands were trembling, she didn't have to look to know. "Are you alright? You look…scared." Ashley didn't know what to say, she was scared, her mind was playing tricks on her, was this real? She questioned staring into familiar gray eyes. "Lets get you inside, you don't look too good." She noted the trembling hands and worried expression, her breathing was also troubling as it slowly sped up.

Ashley allowed the older blonde to lead her inside. Her muscles were taunt under the arm around her shoulders, they never eased up, not even when she took a seat on the couch, took gulps of deep breaths, mentally calmed herself down, nothing eased her stress. It wasn't until Paula left the room that she leaned back against the couch and breathed normally. She was exhausted, which was expected, Ashley was getting used to the anxiety attacks. They were brutal and always left her tired, keeping her eyes open soon became difficult. They would have closed if Paula hadn't chose that moment to reappear.

The older blonde stared down at the rock star with a cup of tea in her hands. Tea was a great way to soothe the body, it'd hopefully put Ashley to sleep, Paula could easily see the teen's exhaustion. It would be good if she gave into it. "This should help you out." Her hand reached out to the rock star, offering the tea, Ashley easily accepted, murmuring a 'thank you' as she carefully blew on the hot liquid. Paula observed her, her body language was better, she wasn't as stiff, but she still sensed a bit of nervousness. She decided to leave the rock star alone for a bit, assuming she was the cause of her discomfort. "I'll be back in a little bit."

Ashley nodded and watched her leave the room. "What she must think of me." The rock star sighed and placed her drink on the floor. She was too tired to do anything more than sleep. Blowing on the tea had been draining, Ashley hated feeling so tired. The panic attacks always sucked out all of her energy and replaced it with exhaustion, she'd fall asleep and have nightmares. It was a painful cycle she hated reliving, her eyes finally closed and her breathing softened, her thoughts ran a million miles per second, luring her into a stressful sleep.

Chapter 3

The flashing white light caressed her half bare body as she turned, tilted her head back, stared into the lens, and smirked. She stared into the eyes behind the camera, they scanned her body hungrily. She straightened up and did another pose, her hands went up, into long wavy hair as she stared seductively into the photographer's eyes. She caught him licking his lips and felt a surge of power go through her. She loved knowing this man wanted her, it did wonders for her ego, it didn't surprise her. Her eyes glanced around the room. There were plenty of people around for her shoot, watching her every move, staring at her developing body. She wore a small leather vest over her naked torso, it was unzipped, showing the outside of her breasts, taunt abs and natural tan skin. Her vest was accompanied by a black near see through thong and black heels. She knew she was hot and her arrogance was easily seen in the pictures.

"That's a wrap!" Called Andre the photographer. He was 34 year old male with shoulder length black hair, dark green eyes, goatee and stubble all around his chin. He was tall and skinny wearing a European outfit. Everyone knew him as a decent fellow. He liked to laugh and party every once in awhile. His reputation with women were good, he treated them well, like the diamonds he saw them as. Ashley was no exception, even if she was only 16 years old, he still wanted to cherish her in bed. There was something strangely exotic about the rock star, the way she walked and stared into the camera, it all oozed confidence.

Ashley walked away from the shoot and headed into the back of the room. There were other girls, models, there with her. She ignored them all as she took a seat and removed the black heels covering her feet. Dresses, heels, skirts, blouses- she was no stranger to them all. A t shirt and jeans were enough for her, they were comfortable and easy to move in, she preferred them over anything else but didn't mind the other outfits. A shadow fell over her, she looked up. Andre stood smiling down at her, it was an eerie smile that sent warning bells ringing in her head. She didn't like the Italian man at all. He seemed too cocky for his own good. "We're finished, right?" She asked frowning. Having him in her airspace was pissing her off. Just the smell of him was aggravating.

Andre could tell she wasn't too happy with him, he didn't know what he did wrong, he assumed Ashley was a natural bitch. That did nothing but further arouse him. He liked them feisty, he knew she'd be fun to have in his bed. "Of course." He smiled a little. "I just wanted to tell you what an amazing job you did out there. I was impressed at how much the camera loves you."

The rock star looked at her shoes and continued taking them off. She was finished talking to Andre, he was full of crap and she knew it. Plenty of men had fed her the same bullshit with the same goal in mind. They all wanted to get into her pants, which was disgusting, she was only 16 years old.

"You don't take compliments very well." Andre commented smoothly watching the young star stand and remove her vest. The photographer was momentarily stunned at seeing her smooth naked back walk away from him. She didn't go far though. The vanity mirror she stood in front of was less than a feet away. He watched her grab a black hoodie and put it over her naked torso. Her eyes met his as she zipped it up. "You're very beautiful Ashley." His Italian accent was thick, it made girls light headed with desire. "I can't help but stare at you."

Ashley fought back an eye roll. His words meant nothing to her. "You better be careful with that. My body guard is right outside the door. He wouldn't be too happy if he came in here and heard you talking like that." She caught something out of the corner of her eye. "I don't like being stalked." Giving into her curiosity, she turned her head. A blonde model stood in the corner of the room. Her hands were busy, Ashley looked harder and never moved her eyes away from the sight. She was cutting lines of cocaine. The rock star was instantly hungry for it and Andre noticed.

Brown eyes yearned for the white substance, it made the photographer smile, he knew he had her. She was just like any other coke junkie. Willing to do anything for a line or two. Slyly, Andre stuck his hands in his back pocket, grabbing his stash of cocaine. "Ashley." He called out quietly, he could tell the rock star wasn't happy, but then the frown on her lips shattered as her mouth parted open in wonder. Her eyes were glued to the cocaine, he fought back a chuckle. "It's the best money could buy-"

"How much?" Ashley asked meeting his gaze. It had been two days since her last hit, her body hadn't been treating her kindly, it constantly begged for cocaine, her mind screamed for it- she would pay anything to have what Andre held before her. "I have plenty of cash." She added watching his beady eyes lower down her body.

"I don't want your money Ashley." His eyes stayed glued to her breasts. So young and perky- he had to have her. "But there is something you can give me for it…" He looked up and met narrowed brown eyes. Ashley was angry, it was apparent, but she was also desperate. "I want you."

"Fuck you!" Ashley hissed moving away from the photographer.

Andre felt a wave of panic sweep through him as she stalked passed him. He reacted quickly, "Wait." He ran up to her as she stopped and grabbed her hand, moving them to a more secluded spot in the studio, he released her and held out the cocaine. "You can have it all, It's the finest in all of Europe," His voice became soft and quiet, "For a hand job."

Ashley moved back, intent on leaving, but was grabbed by the hand again. She stared angrily into his eyes, "It's the finest Ashley." He repeated holding up the bag. Her eyes flickered over to it, her body screamed,

she whispered Okay.

**xxxxxxxxx**

Softly spoken words filled the air, she strained to hear them but they were too far away to comprehend. Her eyes wanted to open but she kept them shut. Her face was being painted with soft caresses, the hand stroking her skin was warm, soothing- Ashley melted against it, a content smile covered her lips unconsciously, it felt good to be alive. "And what will it take to wake my sleeping beauty?" There words were whispered near her ear, her lover's warm breath seductively tickled her naked skin, it sent a shiver down her spine. The feeling only intensified when she felt soft lips cover her own. The words in the background got louder as Ashley became more aware, she realized the soft words belonged to Paula and pulled back, breaking the kiss, she opened her eyes and Spencer's loving face filled her sight. "Hey," Ashley said softly. "Hey yourself." Spencer reached out and wisped away the errand strands of hair from her eyes. Ashley was far too beautiful to have anything cover her soft tanned features. "Sleep well?"

So much came to mind the second Ashley heard the question. Did she ever sleep well? "Your couch has been heaven." She lied with a convincing smile. Despite her dark thoughts, she had to stay positive. This trip was supposed to be fun for both of them. "Paula is in the other room." She reminded quietly. "Should you be this close to me?" Spencer dipped her head and answered with another soft kiss. "It'll be awhile before she comes in." She replied against her lips. Ashley pulled away and sat up. She stared quizzically down at the pillow she slept on. It wasn't there earlier, she looked down at her lap, the blanket covering her body was also new. "I wasn't kidding when I said my mom treated her guests well."

Ashley looked up and watched Spencer stand and take a seat next to her. The blonde took her hand and intertwined their fingers. Their clasped hands lied on top of the blanket, resting on Ashley's upper thigh. She could still hear Paula in the kitchen, the two rooms were only separated by a short hallway, the older blonde could easily walk in on them. Why was Spencer being so touchy? The rock star looked up into her girlfriend's eyes. "Your mother is amazing." Ashley's words were honest. She didn't understand the two Carlin women. She didn't understand why they put up with her. Every move she made was bound to be trouble, Spencer had seen it and Paula caught a glimpse of it outside. Her twisted fucked up mind always found a way to torture her. Today it was the cocaine illusion and the 'dream.' Ashley internally snorted. It wasn't a dream, it was a memory. "You're lucky to have her."

Spencer nodded. "I couldn't have asked for better."

Ashley moved forward and cupped the side of her face with her free hand. Her eyes closed as she brought Spencer's lips to her. The blonde was so casual about them being together with Paula around, Ashley decided to feel the same way, Spencer wasn't stupid. She knew what she was doing. Ashley urged the blonde down on her back and covered her with her body. She allowed the blonde to wrap her arms tightly around her as she parted her lips with her tongue. Spencer easily accepted and began teasing her barbell, sending delicious shivers down the rock star's body. "You are so amazing." The words were panted as their lips broke apart.

Ashley stiffened at the softly spoken words. 'Amazing my little bellezza.' Andre's voice filled her mind. It was the last thing he had moaned before climaxing. Ashley could still feel his warmth all over her hand. The rock star all of a sudden felt sick. "We have to stop." She murmured shakily. She eased her body off her girlfriend and settled herself on the other end of the couch. Unconsciously, she sat hugging herself. Cocaine, she'd do anything to have it now. The memories she had buried under the white powder were starting to come alive. Her sober mind easily accepted them, Ashley couldn't stand it. The shame she felt as Andre came to mind, how far she went for cocaine, it wasn't worth it. At that moment, she realized she wasn't any better than the whores she fucked. Doing anything for a hit. For a stupid feeling that left you wanting more, always wanting more, cocaine was never worth doing, Ashley smiled bitterly. And yet, she'd do anything to have some now.

"I'm sorry." Spencer moved off the couch getting her girlfriend's attention. "You must think I'm the biggest tease doing this to you."

Ashley shook her head. "I don't think that." She reassured. "I'm glad you steal kisses when ever you can. It makes me happy."

"It's still not right. I keep leading you on knowing we won't get far." She played nervously with the ends of her bangs as she listened to her mother hang up the phone. The reason for her risky behavior had been logical. Paula had received a phone call from a long time friend of hers. Every time she called they talked for hours. The blonde was a bit surprised that their conversation didn't last longer. Spencer's mouth shut as Paula entered the room, killing the conversation.

The older blonde's gray eyes immediately landed on the rock star. Ashley sat in the middle of the couch with her legs crossed and blanket pooling around her hips. Her face was free of emotion as she met her gaze. "You're looking better." She commented brightly knowing sleep was the best thing for the rock star. It didn't surprise her when she walked into the living room and found the teen passed out on the couch. She immediately got a pillow and blanket for her and urged her down into a laying position. 'Mmm I love you.' She had mumbled as Paula covered her with the blanket. "How are feeling?"

"Better, thank you." She looked at Spencer and noticed the wary look on her face. Did Paula mention her little episode?

The older blonde also shifted her gaze to her daughter. "Your father called earlier." She sighed. "His little trip to the store turned out to be a party opportunity." Spencer chuckled. "I swear the men in this town." She groaned. "Always drafting Arthur into their games." It happened often enough. Arthur would go out, come across someone he knew and end up fishing or hunting. Paula couldn't stand the phone calls. They were all the same. 'I'll be home around 10' he'd say and not come back until 2. "Well," She smiled. "On the bright side it's just us 4 girls for dinner."

Ashley thought of the fourth girl. Caitlyn. She had yet to make an appearance, it was obvious the 7 year old could sleep, maybe it was her sickness, Ashley reasoned. She was very curious to see the little Carlin. Would she be a smaller version of Spencer? She had to smile a little at the thought. "You should start setting the table." Paula's voice snapped her out of her thoughts. She followed her line of vision to Spencer and noticed her lover's attempt to hide the pout forming over her face. "Being a celebrity doesn't excuse you from being my little girl who always does what she's told." Paula turned and left the room, stifling back a couple of chuckles.

"Ugh," Spencer groaned glancing over at Ashley. The rock star met her gaze with an amused stare. "you're helping me."

Ashley got up and they began working. The rock star folded the blanket and placed it neatly on the other end of the couch. Afterward, she followed Spencer into the kitchen and they began setting the table. The rock star was foreign to the task but didn't find it too demanding. Place the fork on the left and spoon on the right of each plate. Next she placed cups around the table, sharing a kiss with Spencer as their paths crossed. The blonde was passing around napkins, thankful her mother had gone upstairs. She didn't want to be given another order. "What do you think?" Spencer asked standing near the head of the table.

Ashley stood on the opposite end, staring at their work, she nodded approvingly. "Looks good to me." She met Spencer's gaze. "Can we go off and have sex now?" She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, doubting Spencer would agree but giving it a shot anyway.

Spencer walked over to her and took her hand, leading them out the kitchen. She walked them down the hallway and opened a door that led to the basement. Ashley quietly followed her blonde lover down the stairs and was surprised at how nice the basement was. There was another living room with two doors in it. She assumed one of them was a bedroom and the other a bathroom. A couch, TV, and plenty of game counsels filled the room. She didn't get much of a chance to look around but wasn't complaining. Spencer led them to the bedroom and urged her in, closing the door, she pulled her close and attacked her lips. Pale hands began caressing a tanned body, she broke the kiss and began unbuttoning her lover's jacket.

Ashley turned her head and noticed her suitcases in the corner of the room. "Did you do that?" Her eyes never left the bags sitting in the corner of the room. Fear momentarily griped onto her nerves, she didn't remember bringing them in. She prayed her mind wasn't fucking her over again, her eyes closed for a second, the paranoia was overwhelming.

"Mother and I decided to get your room ready." Spencer urged the rock star's jacket off and threw it on the bed. She watched Ashley look around and slid her hands off her body. "It's not anything like where we stay but it's still nice."

The hesitation in her voice was easily detectable. "Spencer I don't need a 5 star hotel or a mansion to be satisfied. This room, house, is amazing and I'm grateful for it." She pulled her into her arms. "I'm grateful for you."

**xxxxxxxxx**

The blinds were curled up high above the glass, the window was wide open but the sunlight she fell asleep to was gone, replaced by a dark sky and white moon. Her eyes stared out the window and at the stars for a full minute as she slowly woke up. Her eyes were open but terribly groggy. A small pale hand reached up and ran over the soft fuz covering her scalp. She once had the prettiest blonde hair that everyone stopped to admire. The flawless long hair would stop at the small of her back, she'd hate it but would never dream of cutting it. Her mother had adored it. Her dark green eyes closed. There was a time when she'd take her in her arms and just run her gentle fingers through it. 'Your mommy's angel' she'd say softly down to her. The words were soothing, it'd make her heart swell and lips smile, but then she'd look up into her mother's face and see her staring at the wall. Her eyes either droopy or bloodshot, her lips unconsciously moving until the words slurred into nothing. She'd get off her mother's lap and stand in front of her. Her mother stared right through her. Caitlyn would leave and go to her room, knowing her mother didn't see her anymore. The door across from hers would always be open, the room inside empty. Her brother Danny was 9 years older than her. He was always out, not she blamed him, it was too heartbreaking seeing their mother stoned. Too high to remember their names. Of course, she didn't understand what was wrong. She only knew there was a problem. And so did her aunt Paula, who she now called mommy.

Pushing the covers forward, she rolled out of bed and headed to her night stand. The room was your typical little girl's room. A small twin sized bed with Cinderella covers took up the middle space of the room. She had plenty of Disney posters and Dora pictures on the pink walls. Her blue carpet was normally covered by the hundreds of toys she had, mostly barbies, and there was a dresser that kept all her clothes nice and neat. On top of the dresser was a stand for her short blonde hair. She grabbed it and put it over her head. It was the downside of having cancer. Her hair had fallen out but she wasn't too worried about it. Paula said it would grow back. For now, she had the wig and it looked good on her.

The little blonde girl moved away from the dresser and left the room. After a trip to the bathroom, she went downstairs following the smell of food. Her feet paused when she reached the bottom of the stairs. The smell of freshly cooked food was alluring, but hearing the TV also had her curious. She decided to follow her ears and enter the living room. "Mama." She smiled as she got on the couch next to Paula. The older blonde immediately wrapped an arm around her little shoulders, hugging the girl to her, she placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Hey sleepy head. I thought you were never getting up."

"I can't sleep forever!" The little blonde pulled back giggling. "I smell something good." She added in a tone that said 'I want some.'

"Do you now?" Paula teased and then stood up from the couch. She crouched down until she was eye level with the little girl. Her dark green eyes were sometimes painful to look into. Sherry had the same shape and shade. Her twin sister was a constant concern. Paula hadn't seen or heard from her in two years. She could be anywhere from running the streets of New York to dead in some alley. Either way, the drugs would kill her. She would never forget her mother's words. 'Once you do dope, you might as well kill yourself.' "I'll feed you my little angel but, there is a surprise for you."

Her green eyes immediately lit up. Excitement plainly covered her face. "What is it!" She asked loudly wracking her little brain for something she had asked for. "I'm not hungry anymore! Is it a puppy?"

Paula chuckled. "Calm down, and don't lie. You haven't had anything since breakfast." She stood up. "Your surprise is somewhere in the basement. The guestroom I imagine." She assumed that's where the girls were after seeing the door to the basement open. The urge to check on them was strong, but something kept her back. She focused on cooking and decided to leave the girls alone. "Go have a look while I fix you up a plate."

"Okay!" Caitlyn kissed Paula's cheek and then ran out of the living room. Her short legs moved quickly through the hallway. A Barbie dream house would be the coolest surprise, she thought eagerly. The commercial played in her mind, encouraging her to move faster. She reached up for the basement's light switch. Everything was quiet, as usual, her brother was always out. He was 16 now and becoming a little rebel, never coming home on curfew, he was always grounded.

The distance between her and the room was quickly closed. Caitlyn's hand reached up and turned the doorknob, opening the guestroom door, she quietly stepped inside. The light from outside filled the dark room perfectly, her little green eyes could see everything and became wide with excitement when she saw Spencer. Her lips parted, about to scream the blonde's name, but then quickly shut when she noticed the person in her cousin's arms. Spencer lied on her back with Ashley curled up beside her. The rock star's head was on her shoulder as her tanned arm lied draped over her abdomen. The covers of the bed only came up to their hips, exposing Ashley's naked torso. The little blonde looked questionably over at Spencer, wondering why she was fully clothed while the rock star lied naked in her arms. "Come here." Her cousin whispered softly. The little blonde eagerly complied and crawled up on the bed.

Caitlyn slipped in next to Spencer and hugged her as best she could. Placing a kiss on her cheek, she whispered. "Who is that?" Her eyes flickered over to Ashley. She assumed it was the rock star Paula mentioned but wanted her cousin to confirm it. "Her name is Ashley." The words were spoken softly. "She's my best friend." The little blonde looked at her. "Is she the rock star?" She spoke softly and felt a wave of excitement shoot through her when her cousin nodded. "That's so cool." She said a little louder. Spencer chuckled softly at her excitement, finding it cute. Caitlyn was smaller than most girls her age, she could easily pass for a five year old, but she was smart, too smart, Spencer mused while watching her eyes scan her lover's naked body. I hope she doesn't assume we had sex - She thought. After unpacking Ashley's belongings, the rock star took a quick shower and cuddled with Spencer on the bed. They talked until Spencer's soft caressing lured her into a deep sleep. "Why is she naked?"

"Come get your dinner Caitlyn!" The words filled the room before Spencer could answer.

"Coming Mama!"

Ashley's head jerked up as her eyes shot open. They stared groggily at the little girl on the bed. There was no doubt in her foggy mind that she was Caitlyn. She watched the 7 year old quickly scurry off the bed and run out the room. The rock star moved up and didn't fight the hands grabbing her face and pulling her down. Spencer kissed her and then pulled back chuckling. "Is it too late to freak out?" She asked amused. The blonde shook her head still laughing. "Why would you freak out?" She asked calming down. Ashley shrugged a little. "Your cousin saw me naked and sleeping on top of you." She pursed her lips. "Is it nothing to worry about?"

"I think we're okay." Spencer answered confidently. Caitlyn wasn't like most children. She mainly kept things to herself instead of running around the house telling everyone what she saw. The blonde knew she wouldn't go tell anyone Ashley slept naked with her. "Are you hungry?" The rock star nodded. "Me too." She smacked Ashley's ass, startling the teen. "Lets go eat."

**xxxxxxxxx**


	3. This is making melody

Ashley followed Spencer up the stairs wearing her girlfriend's pajama pants and T shirt. The socks were hers, white ankle socks, but everything else belonged to Spencer. She remembered her girlfriend's words as she tossed the pants over to her, 'They'll be easier for me to take off you later. Those pesky jeans and their buttons…' She had murmured before taking her lips. The kissing didn't last long due to her girlfriend's appetite but Ashley still enjoyed it. She also enjoyed the view she had now. Watching Spencer's ass as she walked up the stairs. The rock star was getting hungry for something other than food. "There you two are." Ashley's head snapped up. Paula stood by the table serving Caitlyn a plate of food. "Spencer!" The little girl yelled happily and then met her gaze. Tanned cheeks grew hot, to Ashley's surprise, as she smiled timidly at the little girl. Embarrassed the little girl had seen her naked, she couldn't stop the red tint that filled over her face. Having Spencer's 7 year old cousin see her naked was just awkward. "Ashley!" She yelled out next as if she knew the rock star. "I'm eating lasagna. Do you like lasagna? Mama made it."

Ashley smiled. "I was born programmed to love lasagna. I'm half Italian." She explained when the girl's eyes grew wide. "Cool!" She didn't know anyone who was Italian and was beginning to think Ashley was one of a kind. Italian and a rock star? Who could be cooler? "Can you-"

"That's enough Caitlyn." Paula interrupted. "I'm sure Ashley would rather eat than answer questions."

"I'm sorry." The little blonde murmured staring down at her food.

"It's fine." Caitlyn looked up at Ashley. "You can ask me later." The rock star added with a smile. Excitement fell over the little girl's face, it made Ashley feel good knowing she could put a smile on a kid's face. Children were foreign to her, she didn't know how to deal with them, small and curious, Ashley didn't find it too troubling. In fact, she kind of liked it.

Spencer sat on the left of her cousin while Ashley sat across from them. She watched Caitlyn shovel food into her mouth and smiled over at Ashley. The rock star smiled back and then looked away when Paula served them their food. Both girls murmured a 'Thank You' and then chuckled when the older blonde ditched them to go watch her Soap. "I swear she loves that show more than Caitlyn."

"Hey!" The little girl said around the food in her mouth.

"Kidding." Spencer lightly tapped the tip of her nose. "You know Mama loves you more than anything else on the world." She wrapped an arm around her tiny shoulders. "And I love you too." She added kissing her cheek. "And Ashley too?" Caitlyn asked looking up into gray eyes. They both looked over at the rock star. Ashley couldn't help but smile at the red pasta sauce covering the girl's lips and chin. "Yeah, me too."

**xxxxxxxx**

"A drug addict?" Arthur looked over at his wife with an unsure expression. The blonde ER doctor stood under the bathroom doorway gauging her husbands face for a reaction. The tall dark haired man didn't know how to react to his wife's news. His blue eyes moved from her aging face to the running water of his shower. Just as he was about to undress and take a long needed shower, Paula had interrupted him and dropped the Ashley bomb. The idea of Spencer bringing a friend home didn't bother him, she did it all the time, but the idea of her bringing home a lesbian drug addict was unsettling. "I need to soak this in." He took off his shirt and threw the dirty garment aside. Hanging out with the boys had been fun, too much fun from the way he smelled, his nose wrinkled as he caught a whiff of his stale deodorant. "You should have done the same before letting this girl get settled."

"Arthur-"

"You don't know anything about her." He reminded calmly. "If she were someone from around here it wouldn't be much of a problem but she comes from a different world. I don't think Danny and Caitlyn need that kind of influence around them. They've gone through more than enough with Sherry."

Paula nodded slowly. "But Ashley isn't my sister Arthur. She's a seventeen year old girl who needs help." He sighed and looked away. "I just can't send her back to her glam life knowing she'll go out and get high." Her voice softened. "She's really a sweet girl-"

"I understand. I'll see her tomorrow and we'll meet and I'll be kind and respectable as always." Paula smiled her relief. "But if I find out she's still using, and using in this house, she's gone."

"Sounds fair." The blonde walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him. "I really think we can help her." She kissed him briefly and then stepped back holding her nose. "And scrub real good." She pleaded. "You smell terrible."

**xxxxxxxx**

Chapter 4

Ashley lied on her side staring intently at the shadow covered blue walls of the room. One arm was tucked under her head while the other lied on top of the comforter. The room was nice and cool, perfect sleeping temperature, she could easily fall asleep to the sounds of the night air around her. In the basement, under the Carlin's roof, she felt comfortable and at ease, nothing plagued her mind, it was better than any hotel room she had ever slept in. "If only Spencer were here." She yawned to herself. The idea of sleeping without her girlfriend was disappointing. She was completely used to it and found herself missing Spencer's warm body pressed up against hers as they slept into the blissful mornings. Ashley closed her eyes as she felt a pang of arousal shoot between her legs. The mornings were always filled with long make out sessions, erotic caresses, and eventually sex- Ashley always woke up a happy girl. Turning over on her back, she laid her left hand over her stomach while the other stayed tucked behind her head. Morning was going to be different this time, she knew it and it didn't bother her as much as she thought it would. Different wasn't always a bad thing, she reasoned remembering the events that took place after dinner. The three girls had gone straight to the game room, after washing their dishes, in the basement and played guitar hero for a couple of hours. Ashley smiled wide at the memory. Caitlyn was a pro while she sucked horribly. Playful banter had filled the room between the two girls, Spencer spoke up every now and then but mostly laughed. Ashley didn't blame her. The rock star could do amazing things with a real guitar but when it came to the small fake one, she couldn't impress anyone. Caitlyn on the other hand had medium mastered and was working on mastering the tricky orange button. The amount of fun they had was almost unreal. Caitlyn had thrown a small fit when Paula came down and interrupted their game. The girl was sad to leave but felt a little better when Paula ordered Spencer to go upstairs and tuck her in. Spencer easily agreed and exchanged simple good nights with her. Ashley saw through the casual words and mouthed 'see you later' which the blonde nodded 'yes' to.

That was two hours ago. Ashley doubted Spencer would show up now, which was probably for the better. The rock star knew sharing a bed with her girlfriend was too tempting. But then again, she barely had enough energy to fuel her thoughts. Her eyes felt heavy, closing them was complete bliss. She felt far from wanting sex, the physical and emotional strain of it all was just too much for her tired body. Border lining wakefulness, Ashley softly snorted at herself. The person she was becoming was far from the person she was. She barely recognized herself. Ashley Davies, groupie fucking, cocaine snorting, guitar playing guro, lied in bed under her girlfriend's parents roof. Who would have thought she'd spend winter break in Ohio instead of LA. "Not me." She murmured softly and then smiled. The door softly opened and then quickly closed. She felt the bed shift and then a warm voice whisper near her ear, "Miss me?" Ashley nodded, barely awake. "Always." She mumbled feeling warm loving arms wrap around her from behind.

The warm secure feeling was enough to push sleep out of her mind. She was finding love to be a powerful emotion. Nothing else compared to it, she thought while opening her eyes. The urge to sleep was dead, replaced with the need to see Spencer's face, gaze into her eyes, which never got old. Turning, she granted her own wish and smiled sleepily at her lover, whose face she could barely make out in the dark. "Do you not care that your parents are just upstairs?" She asked above a whisper.

"No, I don't." Spencer lied on her side, her gray eyes straining to make out the rock star's features. Her right hand stayed busy lightly stroking the skin on Ashley's cheek and neck, enjoying the smooth warm skin under her fingertips. "Besides," She added lightly. "You're worth any amount of punishment they may give me."

"Punishment?" The rock star repeated. "And how would you be punished if your parents caught us like this?"

Pulling her arm back, Spencer rolled over on her back and began stretching. She could feel Ashley's eyes on her, waiting for an answer to a question never thought about. She turned her head and looked at Ashley, a smile playing at her lips. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. "We're not doing anything wrong lying together like this." She answered lightly. She heard Ashley moved and then felt the rock star hover over her. Their mouths were inches apart, Spencer could feel her warm breath caress her moist lips, arousal immediately shot through her as she dipped her head. The rock star's lips teased her as they lightly brushed over hers and then pulled away. "What if they caught us like this?"

Running her hands down her girlfriend's back, Spencer lifted the hem of her night shirt and began lightly kneading the small of her back. Ashley's tone was soft with a mixture of wonder and apprehension. Her body was physically relaxed, lying to the world as she held her breath, waiting, maybe fearing the answer. What could Spencer say? Her parents wouldn't be happy at all. Ashley knew that, it was too obvious, the question puzzled Spencer. Ashley knew it but she still wanted to hear it. It bothered the blonde. "Then things would get complicated." She cupped the back of her head, "And if they caught me kissing you like this," She captured Ashley's lips and kissed her fiercely. "Then they'd disown me." She murmured moving to take her lover's lips again. Ashley didn't let her. Instead she pulled back and stared down at her.

The idea of Spencer being disowned by her family was deeply disturbing. The amount of love Spencer had for her family was clearly visible. It seemed very natural and strong, a family bond Ashley only dreamed of. How could Spencer risk losing that for her? "And that doesn't bother you?" The blonde inhaled sharply and then quickly exhaled. "Of course it does. Losing them is a devastating thought." She answered honestly and then regretted it when Ashley rolled off her. Her eyes strained to see what her lover was doing, finally, the darkness became frustrating. Spencer sat up and clapped twice, turning the lights on, she was surprised to see Ashley standing, stripping off her night clothes. "What are you doing?"

"Leaving." Ashley answered flatly the answer shocking the blonde. Spencer stared silently at her for a good couple of minutes, watching as she dressed into a simple band shirt and tight jeans. The blonde tried to see the situation through her lover's eyes. She couldn't. "Why are you leaving?" She finally asked breaking the tense air. Ashley looked up, her face emotionless, it was the same look she got whenever Pops was mentioned. "I'm not worth it Spencer." The rock star answered truthfully. "I see what an amazing thing you have with your family and I refuse to take that away from you."

"You're not taking anything away from me." Spencer reassured. "And you're worth the risk Ashley. You're worth everything to me. Why is that so hard for you to understand? Why do you always put yourself down when you don't deserve to be?"

Ashley snorted and then smirked a bit, the dream she had earlier came to mind, it made Spencer's words all the more useless. "Are you saying I'm someone to speak highly of? I'm guessing so considering if I'm not down I'm up." The blonde stared hesitantly at her, Ashley could tell by her facial expression that she was expecting something terrible. The rock star wondered if she could detect the bitchiness in her voice. And then her brown eyes closed and she realized how taunt her shoulder were, how straight her back was, how cruel her words were becoming. Feeling the soothing arms wrap around her neck, she easily swallowed it all down. "Talk to me Ashley." The words were whispered closely to her face. Ashley closed the short distance and wrapped her arms around Spencer, her face resting against her shoulder. "I've done so many fucked up things." She murmured. "I'll never see myself as anything more than a worthless whore." The words weren't meant for Spencer's ears, Ashley was talking to herself, but the blonde heard.

A worthless whore? Spencer pulled back. Her hands dropped from Ashley's waist, watching her lover yawn, she reached out and took her hand. "Lie down with me." She urged the noticeably tired teen down with her on the bed. Ashley settled on her back on the left side of the bed, her arms automatically folding across her chest as she stared up. Lying on her side, Spencer took the right side of the bed watching Ashley carefully. "I don't understand." She started gently. Ashley looked at her. "What you just called yourself." Surprise fell over Ashley's tanned features. "You heard that?" The blonde nodded. "Barely but it was enough."

Ashley sat up, hugging her knees to her chest, she turned her head and rested her cheek on her knees while staring at Spencer. The blonde lied with an uneasy expression on her face. The rock star didn't blame her. Hardly anything that came out of her mouth was comforting. "I had a dream earlier today." Her voice was soft and calm, if it were anyone else, they'd assume Ashley was telling an everyday tale, Spencer knew better. There was too much dread in her eyes for this tale to be ordinary. "Later on I woke up knowing it wasn't a dream." Her eyes shifted off her girlfriend and landed on the open window. "When I was 16 I did this photo shoot in Italy advertising this new designer's clothes. I guess he wanted someone young, famous, and somewhat Italian to sell it. Anyway, the photographer was this handsome guy who wanted me." Ashley remembered the hungry look in his eyes. "Bad. And in the end, he got what he wanted." Her eyes closed as the shameful feeling washed over her. "I gave him a hand job in exchange for coke." His sighs and moans filled her head, disgusting the teen, intensifying the hate she held for herself. "I can't stand myself anymore Spencer." She opened her eyes. Spencer stared compassionately at her, the complete opposite of what Ashley expected. "I never thought about it after it happened, at some point it never exisisted, but now….that and so many other memories are just…coming back to me." She choked out and leaned against Spencer who had sat up wrapping her loving arms around her. She buried her face against her neck, feeling safe, warm and loved. "I really wish I had coke now." Spencer stiffened at the words. "It stopped the memories."

Spencer held Ashley tight feeling anger well up inside her. She didn't understand the rock star's logic. How could she not see cocaine was the cause of everything bad in her life? Close to tears, Ashley told her she gave a guy a hand job for the drug, and yet, the rock star still wanted the white powder. Wanted the high that got her in so much trouble. The rock star yawning in her arms brought her back to reality. "It's late Ash." She urged them down on the bed, Ashley still wrapped in Spencer's arms, "Let's just get some sleep."

**xxxxxxxx**

Paula brushed her hair in front of the bathroom mirror, glaring at any visible strands of gray, she had to chuckle at herself. She was getting old but didn't look too bad for a grandma. Good diet and exercise, she assumed. Arthur on the other hand was starting to gain a stomach and lose the black hair she had fallen in love with. "Gray isn't so bad on him." She told herself turning to stare at herself from the side. She wasn't having too much trouble keeping the weight off. "Speaking of weight," She murmured know there were people to feed. Walking out of bathroom, she wondered what Arthur was in the mood for. He was always picky about his breakfast, hating to have the same meal two days in a row. "Eggs are out of the question." She decided staring at her sleeping husband. His loud snores filled the room as he slept soundly on the bed. Paula envied him. He could sleep until 9, unlike herself. She got up at 5, made breakfast, and then left for work having to be at the hospital by 7. She hated the mornings.

The older blonde stepped out of her room and headed toward the kitchen. She held her robe closer to her body as she padded down the stairs. Pancakes sounded good, she though while stepping on the cold tile floor. She fought back a shiver as she opened the pantry door and got out the pancake mix. "Just add water." She smiled as she set it down by the stove. She walked over to the refrigerator and paused.

She closed ice box door and walked over to the window above the sink. Her eyes blinked several times not believing what they saw. Ashley Davies on her front porch in only a t shirt and jeans. Her back was to Paula but that didn't stop the older blonde from noticing the cigarette in her hand. "Poor thing." She said moving towards the kitchen's exit. "She must be freezing to death out there!" She added know it was below 20 degrees outside.

Opening the front door, she stepped out side hugging her robe against herself. Ashley stood at the other end of the porch. Her eyes were far away as she slowly smoked her cigarette. Pensive and taunt, Paula was surprised the 17 year old wasn't shivering. The rock star also failed to notice her presence. Was she that faraway in her own mind? And what was she thinking of. The older blonde stood studying the rock star. Ashley Davies was more than a mystery to her. She just knew basic information. The teen was into drugs, she preferred girls over boys, she was in a band- but the blonde knew there was something more to her. Deep wounds that went far into her skin, down to her core, and controlled her. It was so easy to see, heartbreaking, Paula couldn't help herself. Like her daughter Spencer, she had this overwhelming urge to help her. Because without help, the drugs will have her again. Paula understood that from her sister Sherry, who Ashley reminded her of. Quiet and calm one moment, and then ready to explode the next, was that something else Ashley and her sister had in common? "Ashley." The rock star wasn't startled in anyway, Paula wondered if she was aware of her presence after all. "Aren't you cold? Being from L.A. I assume you're not use to this type of weather."

Ashley looked at her and shook her head. "It feels good out here." She murmured around the cigarette in her mouth. "Refreshing." She added unable to remember the last time she felt the freezing weather so directly. She never felt anything on her skin when she was on cocaine. Standing on the Carlin's porch, she felt alive as the hairs on her arms stood up. For some reason, the uncomfortable numbing freezing weather felt so fucking good to her. "I haven't felt this good in awhile." She added looking away from the older blonde. Her hand reached up and grabbed the cigarette in her hand.

Paula watched as she crumbled the lit stick in the palm of her hand, letting the ashes fall to the grass. "Where do you normally spend the holidays?" She asked conversationally getting Ashley's attention. "It's almost Christmas and your father's sick. I would assume you'd be there with him."

A puzzled look crossed Ashley's face. "How do you know about Pops?" She asked quietly.

"It's all over the news that he's sick." She replied and then realized her lack of manners. "I'm sorry your father's sick Ashley. It must be terrible for you."

"Not really." The answer automatically passed her lips before she could stop it. The confusion on Paula's face was easily noticeable. Ashley was torn between explaining the truth and keeping her great image with her father. Fuck him, she thought bitterly. "To be completely honest Ms. Paula. I hate my father." The confusion on her face immediately turned to horror/shock. How terrible the words must sound coming from a 17 year old girl about her own Dad! "He's a selfish bastard and I'm glad he's dying."

Her voice trembled. Paula wondered if it was from the cold air or the emotions running through her body. Either way- the blonde knew Ashley was finished with the subject. She could tell by the look in her eyes that she was shook up enough by it. "Why don't we go inside and you can help me out around the kitchen."

Now it Ashley's turn to be surprised. She thought Paula would send her packing for the hate filled comment. Who would want someone so fucked up in their home? The rock star didn't understand but didn't question it any further. It was giving her a head ache. "Sounds fun." She answered and then followed the older blonde inside.

**xxxxxxxx**

Gray eyes were open and newly awake as Spencer reached out for her girlfriend. Nothing. She swallowed down her disappointment and turned her head, thinking Ashley might be in the bathroom. Nothing. She sat up and yawned while her hand raked through her blonde hair. "Oh where could my little lover be?" She asked herself getting off the bed. She stretched thoroughly and then straightened up. She debated on changing her clothes or not. She wore a simple tank top with short cotton shorts. Perfect sleeping attire, Spencer had slept like a baby. "Oh." She murmured as soon as she opened the bedroom door. The smell of freshly cooked food filled her senses. She hadn't smelled anything so good in forever. Her feet quickly moved up the stairs and she found herself at the kitchen in record time, not believing her eyes as she stood at the door way.

Ashley and her mother stood by the stove talking while chopping fruits. Well her mother did most of the talking while Ashley nodded and continued working on breakfast. Spencer enjoyed the sight and smell of everything. Ashley feeling left out was her biggest fear coming to Ohio. She didn't think it was going to be a problem now. Walking up to the two, she looked at her mother."Good morning." She kissed her cheek and then pulled back. "Hey you." She told Ashley joyfully, a smile gracing her features as she moved forward and gave her a morning kiss on the cheek.

Ashley looked at Paula. She didn't seem fazed by her daughter's action. She looked at Spencer. "Morning." Her eyes scanned up and down her body. "You have to be cold in that." She met her lover's eyes again. Spencer chuckled. "Then warm me up if you're so concerned." She looked at the stove. "One of these delicious looking pancakes should do the trick."

The rock star had other ideas. Warming Spencer up with food was not one of them.

"Since you love these pancakes so much you can go ahead and take my spot here." Paula met Spencer's gaze holding the knife out to her. "Just keep chopping and give it to Ashley you're finished. I have to get ready for work."

Spencer took the knife with a playful gaze. "You really want me cooking for your family?"

"I'm sure you'll do fine with Ashley around. She seems to know what she's doing." Paula winked at the rock star before turning and exiting the room, leaving Ashley grinning at her lover.

"I guess she likes me." She tilted her head to the side a bit, contemplating something with a mischievous look in her eyes. "She's not that bad looking either…"

"Oh don't you go there." Spencer chuckled closing the distance between them. "There's only one Carlin in this house for you." She wrapped her arms around Ashley's waist, gazing into her dark brown eyes as Ashley wrapped her arms around her. "Fine by me." The rock star murmured. "I'm not into MILFs anyway." Spencer laughed burying her face into Ashley's neck. "You did not just call my mom a MILF!" She exclaimed against her lover's shirt. Ashley smirked. "She qualifies as one." Spencer looked up at her. "You're serious?" Ashley nodded. "They're everywhere in L.A." She kissed Spencer's cheek. "It's alright though." She said near her ear. "Brenda's one too. You'll get used to them."

"Them?" Spencer chuckled. "You make these attractive mature women sound like aliens." She slid her hands down Ashley's back. "Do you see my mom as an alien?"

"Not just your mom." Ashley nibbled along her lover's ear feeling Spencer's hands slip in her back jean pockets. "You too."

Spencer looked at her. "Me too?"

Ashley nodded. "You're foreign to me." She pressed her forehead against Spencer's, feeling their soft breaths mingle as they gazed into one another's eyes, Ashley fought hard to keep from kissing blissful lips. "So foreign yet familiar- I feel like I've known you for centuries when we've just met. And believe me it has nothing to do with drugs. I'm just so in love with you. Is that crazy?"

"Not at all." Spencer whispered. "I feel the same way." She pressed her lips softly against Ashley's. "And it has something to do with drugs." She murmured kissing her again. " Because you're my drug." She urged Ashley's against the counter as their lips met again, tender yet demanding, Spencer pressed harder against the rock star. "And I never want to let you go."

**xxxxxxxx**

Ashley watched her hands move along the strings of her acoustic guitar. The fresh smell of pancakes surrounded her as she sat in the kitchen. Sitting on a stool in the corner of the large room, Ashley looked up at Spencer. She sat on the kitchen table eating a couple of pancakes while doing a crossword puzzle in the newspaper. Everything seemed very surreal at the moment. The famous rock star couldn't believe she was sitting in her girlfriend's mother's kitchen with a full belly and sober mind. She stared back at her guitar while her foot unconsciously tapped along to the music. She was with Samantha this time last year. Doing drugs, having sex, and always partying- complete opposite of what she was doing now. Did she miss it? She couldn't help but wonder while stopping to tighten a string. After finishing breakfast, Spencer had grabbed her hand and led them to the table where they ate. Well, where she ate while listening to her girlfriend talk. Spencer mostly spoke of childhood memories, most of them Ashley couldn't relate too, but still managed to give feedback with a smile or chuckle. And then she finished eating and felt strangely out of place. It was then she decided to get her guitar out and play something. The guitar was the only thing she had kept from her past life. Past life, Ashley thought strangely. Were things really that different now?

"Where did you learn to play that?"

The sound of her lover's voice whipped her back to reality. Ashley's head snapped up and for a second she was confused by the amazement in vibrant gray eyes. It all came together when she realized the song her guitar was singing. 'Since you've been gone.' "Kyla." She answered over the music. "I played it for her a while back." She revealed with a thoughtful look on her face. "In mo- Brenda's kitchen." She laughed a bit shakily as her mother and sister came to mind. "I guess being in the same setting brought it back to me." She looked around, "Big kitchen, pretty girl-" She smiled at Spencer. "All that's missing is an annoying skater boy wannabe sitting at my feet."

Spencer noticed the way her brown eyes left hers and fell on the ground. She looked sad as she kept playing the song. "You miss them." Spencer realized as she stood from her seat watching Ashley nod a little. The blonde stopped in front of the rock and took the guitar off her lap. Setting it on the ground, she watched Ashley look curiously up at her. Spencer stood between her spread legs wrapping her arms around Ashley's neck and gazing into her eyes, she began stroking the back of her hair. "Give them a call Ash." She held the rock star tighter feeling her hands on her waist and face press against her stomach. "You'll feel a lot better." She promised.

"You're right." Ashley agreed as her hands slid up to the hem of her shirt. Her fingers moved on their own accord and slowly slid the blonde's tank top up, exposing the creamy skin over barely visible abs. "So right." She sucked lightly on the skin above Spencer's bellybutton, her fingers teasing the skin on the back of her thighs, she felt them quiver as her tongue ran into a red waist band. "Ashley," Her girlfriend whispered as her tongue slipped under the stretchy material and teased the top of her panties. Groaning her frustration, she watched Spencer move away from her and quickly fix her appearance.

Two seconds later Paula walked back in.

Ashley's heart all of a sudden sped up.

"It smells delightful in here." Paula exclaimed looking at the girls. She paused on Ashley noticing the scared look on her face. "Is something wrong? You look a little pale." The rock star immediately shook her head standing from the stool. "I'm just tired." She explained nervously. Could the older blonde see through the lie? "I was up pretty early- I'm just tired." She repeated.

"How about I make you some tea? You can go lie down on the couch or the room, which ever you prefer." Paula offered sounding very much like a concerned mother. The tone bothered Ashley. Anger welled up inside her, she bit her lower lip and nodded. "I'll go to the room. Oh and no tea. Thanks for the offer though." She walked out of the room and headed towards the basement. She hated hearing the concern in a mother's voice. How she craved it as a little girl, especially when sick. Ashley cringed at the thought as her hand wrapped around the door knob. Being sick on tour was hell. Her father never helped her feel better. No one did.

Ashley collapsed on the guestroom bed. Her mind didn't drift anywhere interesting, which was fine by her. For the first time in awhile she had nothing negative to think about. And the negative thoughts that floated in a black cloud over her head were being ignored. "Kyla." She sighed and then turned her head. She was missing her little sister more and more each day. Since she could remember, she had called the younger girl at least twice a week. Hearing her sister's voice always made her feel better. "Sorry ma but I can't stay away." She reached out and grabbed her phone. Dialing Kyla's cell number, her thumb paused on the 'talk' button. "Maybe I should text instead." She decided.

Spencer walked in with Ashley's guitar in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. She smiled sweetly at Ashley and placed the guitar on the floor. "Finally calling your mother?" She wondered placing the cup of tea on the end table.

Ashley shook her head. "Why would I do that? She doesn't want anything to do with me."

"She kept calling like crazy back at the hotel." Spencer answered reasonably taking a seat on the bed. "She obviously wants something to do with you."

The rock star looked back at her phone and began texting her sister. "I don't know Spence. She did forbid Ky from seeing or talking to me." She sent the short message and then threw her phone aside. "What could she possibly want from a person like me?"

Spencer reached out and began running her fingers through her lover's long bangs. "Person? Ashley you're her daughter. Not some random person."

The rock star sat up and crossed her legs, facing Spencer, she took her hand and intertwined their fingers. "I'll think about calling her." She stroked the back of her lover's hand enjoying the softness of her skin. They stayed quiet for a moment gazing into one another's eyes, Ashley reminded of how much she loved the blonde and Spencer reminded of how much Ashley loved her. It was all right there pooling in dark brown eyes. "I woke up a little disappointed this morning."

Ashley tilted her head a bit. "Why?" She asked curiously. Spencer fell back on the bed with her legs dangling off the edge. Her gray eyes looked up into brown. "I had a wonderful dream and you weren't there to hear it." Her voice was quiet and playful; Ashley couldn't keep her eyes off Spencer's lips. The urge to move down and taste them was overwhelming. "So tell me now." Spencer thought a moment before speaking collecting her memories from the dream. "You and I were on the beach and there was this terrible storm approaching. You didn't seem fazed by it but I was freaking out." The blonde had gotten up yelling at the rock star to do the same. Ashley was lying on her back on the sand watching the sky peacefully. "You finally did move but didn't get up. Instead you sat up and invited me to sit between your legs." She did so but very hesitantly. Only the confident strong look on Ashley's face kept her feet moving. "So I did and you wrapped your arms around me from behind and whispered near my ear to watch, that nothing was going to happen to us. And you were right. The storm passed and left behind this breathtaking rainbow. They say you don't feel anything when you sleep," Sensually moving forward, Ashley covered her girlfriend's body, smiling as Spencer ran her hands up and down her body."But being there with you felt amazing." The rock star dipped her head, her lips caressing her ear as she spoke. "Let me intensify the feeling…" Closing her eyes, Spencer buried her hands in auburn hair as Ashley rubbed her thigh between her legs.

The rock star moved her lips above Spencer's. Her tongue peeked out and began tracing her bottom lip, making both girls warmer. Giving into her need for the rock star's lips, Spencer cupped the back of Ashley's head and kissed her eagerly. Their tongues met as the kiss deepend, Spencer wrapped her arms around Ashley, bringing their bodies closer together.

Ashley whimpered as her aroused nipples pressed against Spencer's, sending delicious shivers throughout her body, the rock star ran her mouth down Spencer's smooth neck as the blonde moved against her thigh.

'Mama where's Spencer?'

'She's in the basement with Ashley.'

Ashley barely heard the muffled words and groaned while pulling away from the blonde. Being in a desire filled trance, Spencer reached out for her, needing more from the rock star and groaned her own frustration when she moved away. "Didn't you hear that?" The rock star sighed watching Spencer sit up with confusion written all over her beautiful face. "What?" Spencer breathlessly asked. Ashley looked up in thought. "I give her about 10 seconds." The confusion only depended. "What?" Spencer asked again. 'Spencer! Spencer!' She heard 5 seconds later. "Oh." She murmured and then smiled at the 7 year old standing at the doorway.

"Spencer!" The girl ran quickly onto the bed and wrapped her arms around her cousin. Spencer kissed her cheek and then watched her hop off and hug Ashley. The scene was simply adorable. Caitlyn's arms wrapped around Ashley's legs while the rock star patted her upper back awkwardly, Spencer couldn't help but chuckle softly. "What are we doing today?" The 7 year old asked taking a seat on the bed next to Spencer.

"I'm not sure." She answered honestly. "But the sky's the limit. I'm sure we'll figure out something."

Caitlyn looked at Ashley. "Oh! I just remembered you were on youtube! I saw you when I typed your name!" She exclaimed with excitement. It was becoming a nightly ritual to sneak out of her bedroom at night and use the computer. While watching a Dora the explorer video on youtube, Ashley came to mind and she immediately searched her. Tons of pages came up. Some music videos and some live shows a few interviews and a couple TV appearances. The little blonde was in total awe as she watched video after video. After awhile it finally hit her that Ashley was a famous rock star and not just some girl with a guitar.

Ashley tensed up. The youtube videos were no for the eyes of little kids. Their music videos were very creative, not overly bad, but the band's lyrics weren't all that clean. And then there was Glen's screaming and Ashley's habit of occasionally holding up her middle finger at the camera. "Oh…cool." She stated with an awkward chuckle. "Um," she looked at Spencer. The blonde seemed to have an opposite reaction.

"I would love to see that." She looked over at Caitlyn. "When did you see these videos?"

"Last night!" She answered happily. "I snuck out."

Ashley grinned. "It must run in the family."

"I don't see you complaining." Spencer shot back playfully. "Mom would be a different story I'm sure."

"What do you mean?" Caitlyn asked confusedly.

Spencer met her gaze. "I mean mama would be furious if she caught you sneaking around the house at night. Especially to be on the computer."

"Oh. Well don't tell her! I don't wanna be in trouble."

Spencer chuckled. "I won't tell. Promise."

Caitlyn looked at Ashley with a serious expression. It took the rock star a second to understand what she wanted. "Oh me too. I promise too."

The little girl smiled and got off the bed. "Good. Now can I play your guitar?" She pleaded up at the rock star. "Please, please, please-"

"Caitlyn." Spencer chided. The girl turned to look at her "What?" She whined. "Maybe Ashley will give you a lesson later." She yawned and fell back on the bed. "It's way too early for that right now."

"Promise?" The girl looked up at Ashley.

The rock star nodded. "I promise to give you a guitar lesson." She simply answered. The idea wasn't overly demanding, in fact, Ashley liked the idea of teaching someone else how to play. It'd make her knowledge of the instrument something positive. "You set the time. Anywhere from noon to midnight." She walked over and collapsed on the bed next to Spencer.

"Cool. What songs can you play? OH do you know Dora theme song? I love Dora!"

Ashley rolled over on her back with her arms folded behind her head. She peered down at the girl standing near her feet. "I have no idea who that is." She replied honestly. "But if you play it for me I'm sure I can figure something out and teach it to you."

"You don't know Dora!" Ashley shook her head. "She's soooo cool! Better than blues clues AND Backyardigans!"

Ashley was beginning to feel strangely out of place. It was the familiar feeling she felt when people around her spoke about things they assumed she knew, like everyone else in the world knew about it but her. She hated the feeling, it was a strange mix of frustration and sadness, she pushed it down and reminded herself that Caitlyn was just a kid. It was nearly impossible to be angry with her. She was too adorable. Like her cousin, Ashley thought with a smile. "What's so cool about her?"

"Everything!" She yelled. "But the coolest thing is she speaks Spanish!"

"Really?" The little girl nodded excitedly with a 'yep.' "Wow that does sound pretty cool. ¿Habla ella rápidamente? Or does she speak it slow?" The amazement instantly fell over the little girl's face, it put a smile on Ashley's. "¿Comprende usted lo que ella dice? Or am I confusing the fu- I mean the hel- I mean heck out of you."

The little girl giggled, Ashley looked at her girlfriend and was surprised to see her sleeping. "Can you teach me Spanish too?!" Ashley thought a moment. Guitar would be a breeze to teach but Spanish was a different story. There were many rules and most of them were confusing. "We'll see."

"Oh thank you! thank you! Thank you!" Ashley found herself awkwardly patting the little girl's back as she hugged her to death.

"No problem." She said as Caitlyn pulled back. "Spencer!" She whined falling next to the sleeping girl.

"Let her sleep." Ashley stood up. "Wanna play some more Guitar Hero?" Caitlyn nodded enthusiastically. "Cool. Set it up and I'll be there in a second."

"Kay."

Ashley watched Caitlyn leave the room and then turned her head. Her brown eyes landed on Spencer's sleeping face, drifted down her body, and then flickered back up with a disapproval. No pillow, no blanket, and shoes- Ashley didn't feel comfortable letting her sleep so poorly. She knelt down and removed her shoes, stood back up and gently shook her shoulder. A smile graced her features as her lover mumbled incoherently. Spencer, more awake than asleep, moved up the bed and collapsed against a pillow, Ashley wrapped her with a blanket, kissed her cheek and then left the room feeling much better.

**xxxxxxxx**


	4. This modern love

Chapter 5

"Holy shit it's cold."

A frozen hand reached out and opened the front door. The warm air felt good against his shivering face, he leaned back against the door, basking in it as he recalled the night before. Spending all day and most of the night with the guys practicing had felt great. They were slowly improving and becoming the best band North Grove High has ever seen. "And when I walk into you," He began singing under his breath walking into the kitchen. "I want to hold your hand and break your neck at the feel of your disgusting skin- Anyone up?" He called out and didn't care once he caught sight of the stacks of pancakes near the stove. "Shit yeah," He hurried over and grabbed a plate. "Oh fuck who made these?" He wondered outloud shoving half a pancake into his mouth.

He hopped up on the counter and drowned his pancake in syrup. 'Mmmm' he hummed while chewing. The breakfast was fit for a king, he thought while eating another. He had never had anything that good, even the syrup was different than before. He wondered briefly if his aunt had hired a cook. And then he realized she would never let a stranger into the house. "But fuck," He swallowed the food in his mouth. "This is really good." The chain in his belt loop chimmed as he hopped off the couter top. Putting 5 more pancakes onto his plate.

"Denis."

He turned around and straightened up. Arthur stood at the doorway looking deeply upset. Denis knew he was in mad trouble by the way he calmly took a seat at the table and covered his face with his hands. He sat like that for a good 10 second, sighing, he finally dropped his hands and looked at his nephew. Caitlyn had no problems calling Paula and Arthur 'mama and papa' but her brother, Denis, was a different story. The quickly rebelling teen referred to them as Aunt and Uncle. "Aunt Paula said to be home by 10, 11 at the latest. Not only did you disobey her but you didn't even bother calling! I want a good explanation." The boy brushed his long dark brown hair out of his face. "I'm sorry." He murmured quietly refusing to make eye contact. "I just lost track of time and fell asleep at Kenny's." He lied instead of telling the truth. Getting high at Kenny's was more along the lines but he wasn't going tell him that. He had to bite back a smile as last night played in his mind. He had gotten far with the object of his affection. Jessie.

"That's no excuse, Den. I'm sorry but you're grounded. No internet or leaving the house for a week."

Denny nodded not really caring. He hardly used the computer and going out this time of the year was suicide. "That's fair." He agreed and then dropped his plate in front of Arthur. "I'm not all that hungry anymore." He walked out of the room and then called over his shoulder, "Enjoy!" His voice was bitter but the softened in his throat. It was moment like these that made him wish he was with his mother. She was on every drug on the street but that didn't mean she deserve him. Denny loved his mother and Sherry loved him. He hated that they weren't together. "Caitlyn." He walked into the basement and watched his little sister play a song on guitar hero. His demeanor changed as he dropped on the couch next to her. "You're getting good." He complimented watching his little sister hit every note.

"Ashley says I'm the best she's ever seen!" She boasted loudly.

Denny's brow furrowed for a second. He didn't think his sister knew anyone named Ashley. And then it hit him. She was Caitlyn's new imaginary friend. "Where is this Ashley at? I have to prove her wrong." He played along. Caitlyn always had a new imaginary friend and he always pretended to see them.

"She had to change her clothes. She said they were getting annoying."

"I hope she's not changing in here." He feigned worry. "I don't want to make her uncomfortable."

Caitlyn giggled. "Do you see her in here?"

Denny looked around. "No I don't." He smiled at her. "Where is she changing at then?" The guestroom door opened getting his attention. He looked up and got off the couch when Spencer filled his vision. "Spencer!" He exclaimed crushing her in his arms. The blonde smiled against his shoulder as she hugged him just as tight. They had always been close, Denny was her brother, being close in age, they did almost everything together while growing up. "Hey big man. What's up?" Denny pulled back and opened his mouth to answer but then paused when his eyes flickered to the right. He had to do a double take and even that didn't help him believe that the person standing behind his cousin was Ashley Davies.

"Ashley!" The rock star's arms unconsciously dropped down to pat the girl's upper back as she hugged her legs. She didn't have time to ponder on it as she stared into dark green eyes. The boy that stood before her was around her age, very tall, 6'1 or 2 Ashley guessed as she stared at his long brown hair, black hoodie and black jeans. Converse covered his long feet. His style was very similar to hers, she had a feeling he liked her, guessed he was a fan of her music by the way his jaw dropped. The look was very common in teens she'd come across. A mixture of awe and excitement, Ashley enjoyed putting it there.

"You can't be serious." Denny finally spoke looking down at Spencer. "You…you brought home Ashley Davies?"

Spencer chuckled and nodded. "I forgot you were a big fan. Sorry I didn't tell you earlier."

"I'm going to grab some water." Ashley chimed in and then looked down at Caitlyn. "Wanna help me?" The little girl eagerly nodded. "Good." Her hand was grabbed by both of Caitlyn's as she pulled the rock star towards the staircase. Ashley chuckled, looking up at Denny as she passed, she offered him her hand. "It's nice to meet you…."

"Denny." He nervously filled in taking her free hand with both of his. "And it's a honor meeting you." He added with a slight stutter. "You're coming back right."

Spencer swatted playfully at his hands, watching them drop, she smiled up at him. "She'll never leave with your giant paws holding her back."

"Come on Ashley. I wanna show you my room also." Caitlyn whined.

"Alright, alright. Lead the way. Cool meeting you Denny," She looked back at Spencer. "Another Carlin has got me whipped." She joked before being dragged away by a very determined Caitlyn.

"Dude, Ashley Davies is in our house. How sick is that?" He asked his cousin.

"Very." Spencer yawned covering her mouth. "Sorry." She said dropping her hand. "I'm tired."

"Take a nap." Denny suggested sitting on the arm of the couch.

Spencer shook her head. "I just took one. I'll be fine after a can of coke." She reasoned with a smile.

"Too bad the only ones Aunt Paula gets are sugar free." Spencer sighed while Denny chuckled. "You're gone a few weeks and you already forget how this house operates." He grinned. "I recommend magic memory pills."

"Buy me some."

"Psh. You're the one with the cash now. Speaking of cash, where is Ashley sleeping?"

"Cash and Ashley sleeping have no connection what so ever. But to answer your question my tall younger boy cousin- she's sleeping in the guest room." She simply answered.

A look of confusion washed over Denny's face. "Why in the guestroom? The bed in my room is so much bigger and comfortable. She should sleep there," He suggested and then added with a sly smile, "With me."

"Denny!"

"No not like that! Come on Spencer you know she's into chicks. Right?" He quickly asked. Spencer rolled her eyes. "Of course. That was one of the first things you told me before I ran off with Aiden."

"Oh yeah." He mumbled.

"Now who needs the magic memory pills?" She teased.

"You." He retorted. "So can she sleep with me? Nothing physical will happen. It'll just be like a sleep over."

She placed her hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eyes. "Denny, Ashley is fine sleeping in the guest room." She ruffled his long brown hair. "With me."

"That makes no sense." He laughed. "She'd actually do you." Spencer blushed as she removed her arms. "But then again, I guess Aiden would be considered a cunt block."

"Denny!"

"What? Come on Spencer we're all adults." He laughed a little harder falling back on the couch. "Wow I just made that up on the spot. Cunt block, sounds way cooler than cock block."

"They're both equally stupid terms, Bro and Aiden doesn't serve as a…a cunt block." Denny looked curious over at her. "We're not together anymore."

"No!" Denny stated with disbelief sitting up. "Are you fucking serious?"

"Watch your mouth and yes I'm serious. We broke it off and he's with someone else now."

"That dick."

"It's fine Denny. I'm glad he's happy with someone else. It saves me a trip down the aisle."

"A trip down the aisle? He wanted to get married." Spencer nodded. "What a dick."

Spencer sighed. "His intentions were nice but I found better things to look forward to."

"Like what?"

Ashley. "A future in California."

**xxxxxxxxx**

The rock star stepped foot inside the kitchen with a silly smile on her face. Caitlyn had a fun personality that she enjoyed being around. Who would have known a famous rock star hooked on coke could bond with a 7 year old? Ashley found it strange but didn't dwell on it. Her demeanor instantly changed from joyful and excited to taunt and cautious as she caught sight of the tall man with dark hair standing near the sink. He wasn't much taller than Paula but Ashley thought he looked older. The couple was both in good shape, lean and healthy, but Ashley noticed the small belly on Arthur's midriff. It was obvious Paula was more fit than him. Not by much though. "Papa!" Ashley watched Caitlyn run over and hug him.

He turned around and hugged the girl back. "Hey barbie doll." He greeted affectionately. "Whatcha been up to this morning?"

"Playing with Ashley!"

"Playing with Ashley?" He repeated dumbfounded.

"Yep! My new best friend!"

Arthur looked up and noticed the rock star for the first time. Her appearance wasn't too flamboyant, in fact, it was overly casual. The rock star stood wearing a band shirt with black gym short and socks. She stood with her arms casually draped at her sides. If she was nervous, it didn't show. She stood staring boldly into his eyes. "Hello. You must be Ashley."

The rock star nodded. "I take it you're Spencer's dad..."

"Arthur." He smiled smally walking up to her. "Arthur Carlin." He offered his hand and Ashley took it. He had a closer view of her face, it was strangely clear, nice and smooth actually. He would never guess she was into drugs, in fact, she could pass as one of Denny's friends. Minus the lesbian part. "Are you responsible for the wonderful breakfast?" He asked pulling his hand back.

"Yeah, I'm glad you like it." Her hands occupied themselves patting Caitlyn's back. The girl had chose that moment to run up and wrap her arms around her legs.

Arthur didn't know what to think of his little girl bonding with Ashley. She didn't seem mean, overly vulgar, or butch, but there was still something disturbing about the idea of a drug addict around his family. He wasn't going to judge Ashley on her past but he didn't want her influencing his family. Not that Ashley seemed the type to do that, the girl standing in front of him seemed very laid back and calm. Nothing like the crazy rebel rock star he predicted. "I enjoyed it a lot. Did you take cooking lessons?" He asked genuinely curious. This was the daughter of rock legend Raife Davies, Arthur couldn't help but wonder about her.

Time froze for a second, everything that came to mind was a punch in the stomach, Ashley even skipped a breath as Shannon came to mind. The red head cook hadn't been on her mind in forever, the pain she felt was unusually raw- why were the emotions so strong? She wondered angrily. "Um...yeah I took lessons." She blurted out trying to ignore her feelings. It was impossible and quickly becoming overwhelming. "Do you mind if I grab some water?"

"No go right ahead. Caitlyn get off the girl." Arthur chuckled. "She can't walk with you holding onto her like a little leach."

"What's a leach?" She asked while moving away from the rock star.

The words around her really didn't register in her mind as she moved around the kitchen. She didn't even realize her arms and legs moved familiarly around the kitchen. They knew where the cups were, where to get ice and where to find water. Ashley drained her first cup and then refilled it. How could Shannon still be a stab in the heart when she loved Spencer? Ashley didn't understand it. The pain that came with thinking about the cook was so intense that it scrambled her mind, it shook her up inside and out.

"Are you sure you're a rock star instead of a fish."

Ashley swallowed the last bit of water in the cup and then brought it down. Arthur and Caitlyn stared amusingly at her. She was clueless. "Excuse me?"

"That's your 6

th cup." He chuckled. "Are you always this thirsty."

Ashley wondered if the look of surprise was easily seen on her face. Had she really drank that much without noticing? "Sorry-"

"Don't be it's fine." Arthur said with a wave of his hand. "You could learn a thing or two from Ashley. Like how to drink water instead of sugar filled drinks."

Or alcohol, Ashley's inner voice grimly added.

"Kay." She ran over and took Ashley's hand. "See my room! See my room!"

"Caitlyn-"

"It's fine." Ashley interrupted Arthur's scolding. The man nodded, she looked down at Caitlyn. "Lets go see your room."

**xxxxxxxxx**

The snow fell slowly from the dark gray clouds that covered the sky and sun, hiding them from the rest of the world and taking their spot light. Ashley was lost as she stared at the hundreds of snow flakes falling around them. The room was cold, the biggest of men would shiver in the confines of the glass room, but not Ashley. She loved it; the coolness was refreshing against her naturally warm skin. The rock star felt a hand cover hers and looked to her left. Huddled in the corner of the daybed, wrapped up in a blanket, with a dark hood covering blonde hair and glasses over gorgeous eyes; Spencer smiled at the rock star. "You seem so far away." She quietly stated caressing her lover's skin. Ashley scooted back on the bed and shifted until their faces were inches apart. "Is this better?" Spencer kissed her and then slowly drew back. "Your lips are kissing distance. It's perfect," She kissed her softly again. "But that's not what I meant." She murmured against her lips.

Ashley reached up and carefully removed the sunglasses over Spencer's eyes. "That's better." She murmured caressing her lover's face before letting her hand drop. "How dare you deny me the pleasure of drowning in your eyes?" She quietly asked tasting Spencer's lips lovingly. "It should be crime."

Spencer laughed softly. "You're one to talk. You used to wear these things obsessively." She said referring to the sunglasses. Ashley took a closer look and realized those were hers. "That's different." She answered gazing back into her lover's face. "My eyes aren't half as gorgeous as yours." Spencer shook her head. "You're wrong. You're eyes leave me breathless Ashley."

"How?" Ashley quietly questioned. "They're brown. Hardly anyone finds brown special."

"Mmm, wrong again." Spencer kissed the tip of her nose. "You're eyes are not only special but sacred. Everything about you is sacred to me." She kissed the left corner of her lips. "You're my diamond and I'm never letting you go." Ashley moved her hand from Spencer's, running it over her thigh, her eyes never left her girlfriend's perfect face. "Those are loving words." She whispered seductively slipping her hand underneath Spencer's sweatshirt. Her fingertips caressed her tummy as she gazed into gray orbs. "Lets make love." Spencer turned her head blushing. "Ashley." The rock star leaned forward and nibbled lightly on her earlobe. "Lets make love Spencer." She made soft circles around her bellybutton. "I don't care where we have to go." Spencer turned and faced her. The rock star was dead serious, Spencer reached out and caressed her face. "You know I would love that but we can't just...can't just make love. Not with Dad and everyone else here."

"Then lets leave." Ashley suggested. "I'm sure there's a hotel somewhere around here."

Spencer moved forward and snuggled against the rock star. "Baby it's almost Christmas. We'll never find a room."

Ashley wrapped her arms around her. "True." She kissed the top of her head. "But I have all the money in the world." She reminded. "I'm sure I can convince someone to give up their room for us."

"And what would you tell them? I'm horny. May I please borrow your room to have sex with my girlfriend?"

Ashley internally grimaced. "That would sound kind of bad." She slipped her hands under her girlfriend's shirt, lightly messaging the small of her back, she pressed her cheek against blonde hair. "I don't want to leave this spot anyway." She murmured. "It's too perfect."

They sat silently in each other's arms watching the world around them. Ashley wasn't worried about anyone walking in on them. Arthur was busy upstairs in his office, Caitlyn and Denny were both passed out in their rooms and Paula was long gone. The rock star's eyes closed. Will it always be like this? She wondered sullenly. The idea of having to hide their relationship from everyone was frustrating. It wasn't only with Spencer's family, but the media too. They would always have to walk on eggshells around everyone. And of course, Spencer and Aiden would have to be seen in public to keep up their 'image.' Ashley hated it. "Hey Ash?" Brown eyes opened at the softly spoken words. "Yeah?" The rock star felt her girlfriend's blonde head shift, followed by the feel of her soft lips against her skin, kissing the hollow of her throat. "I love you." Her heart skipped a beat, Ashley couldn't explain the amount of happiness she felt at the moment. I love you. She heard the words plenty of times before but the affect they had on her never dimmed. "I love you too Spencer." She pressed her lips to her blonde crown, enjoying how the strands of gold caressed her face.

"Forever and ever."

**xxxxxxxxx**

"Uno!" Caitlyn declared triumphantly throwing her last card down on the pile.

The whole family sat around the kitchen table with cards in their hands. They had just finished dinner and were playing uno. Ashley found the whole fiasco awkward and strange at first but then loosened up. It was the first time she sat down with a family and enjoyed something as simple as cards. The rock star still couldn't believe she was there, living a normal life with normal people. Last year she was high and alone, this year she was surprisingly happy with her girlfriend and her family. Very surreal. "Are we finished?" Denny asked throwing his cards down. He was always known for being a sore loser in everything.

"Oh come on we only played 4 games." Paula cooed at the whinny teen.

"Oh right. I forgot 10 is the official stopping point." He groaned. "This game is stupid."

"Denny we never play more than three games." Arthur corrected. "I don't see why you have such an attitude."

"I don't have a attitude." He snapped with an attitude. "I'm just saying this game is so fucking stupid."

"Denny!" Paula scolded. "You're sister is here."

Ashley's eyes flickered over to the little girl. She sat staring silently down at the cards. Her eyes seemed sad.

"Sorry Cait." He said standing up. "I'm going to my room."

The air was tense as they watched him leave.

Arthur looked helplessly over at Paula. The older woman thought of Caitlyn and decided to get her out of there befor discussing her complicated brother. "Lets get the winner some candy and get her off the bed."

Like a switch, a light in her eyes instantly appeared, a smile over her face, "Candy! Candy! Candy!"

Ashley smiled as Caitlyn reached out to Paula. The ER doctor easily picked her up and carried her out of the room.

"Someone needs talk to him." Arthur sighed dreading their one on one sessions. They never turned out well. Denny usually just nodded and agreed to everything he said, not really meaning it, and Arthur just sat talking to a wall. He was literally running out of things to say.

Spencer who had been quiet the whole time, looked over at Ashley, and grabbed her hand from under the table. The rock star turned her head and met her gaze. "I think Ashley should do it." The 17 year old wasn't expecting that to pass her girlfriend's lips. She didn't mind going down there to talk to Denny. He seemed like all her other fans, if he acted like he looked, there should be no problems. "He really likes you."

She looked over at Arthur. He didn't seem indifferent about the idea. "Spencer's got a point. The kid loves ya." He smiled. "He even has you on his walls. Maybe you can talk some sense into him. If you don't mind that is."

Squeezing Spencer's hand, she said "It's fine," and then stood up. Her eyes fell on her girlfriend's face. Spencer smiled at her. She immediately started grinning back like a love sick school boy with a crush. They sat like that for over 10 seconds.

Arthur stared between the two. "Is there something I'm missing?"

The magic was broken. Ashley immediately looked up and unconsciously shook her head. "No. Everything's fine." She looked back down at Spencer. "I'll see you later." Spencer nodded and watched her exit the room. She turned her head and met her father's questioning gaze. "What?" She asked casually.

"You and Ashley...- Nevermind." He stood up and stretched. "I'm heading back to my office." A thought hit him. "Do you want to play a game of chess?"

The random words caused Spencer to chuckle. "Where did that come from?"

Arthur shrugged. "I just remembered you're an amazing chess player. Come on, play a game with your dear old dad."

"I would love to." She walked over to him and hugged him tightly. "I've missed you Dad."

He kissed the top of her head. "I've missed you too sweetheart."

**xxxxxxxxx**

The door was wide open when Ashley reached the teenage boy's room. He was sitting on the bed with his Ipod on his lap. His face was neutral as he played with the small white device. Ashley knocked softly on the door, getting his attention, he immediately lit up and invited her in. "What's up?" He asked watching the rock star take a seat on the edge of the bed. Ashley watched him casually. "Nothing really." She simply answered. "Just seeing what was up with you. You left kind of...angry?" She guessed and was rewarded with a small nod. "Sorry about that. It's just...I hate being here." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I love them and all but...I want to be with my mom." He looked away from Ashley smiling a little. "She was everything to me, still is really, and I want to be with her." He shrugged a little. "But they won't let me."

Ashley assumed 'they' were Paula and Arthur. The rock star thought back to everything she had heard about his mother. She couldn't recall much but did remember she was hooked heavily on drugs. "I'm sure there's a good reason behind them keeping you here." She stated calmly. "Your aunt would never intentionally hurt you this bad."

He looked at her. "How do you know how I feel?"

"It's real simple Denny." She cracked a bitter smile. "I know how much it hurts not having your mother around. Especially when she's all you've ever wanted." She shrugged at the sympathy washing over the younger boy's eyes. "The worst thing you can do is give into your anger."

Denny snorted. "Too late for that. I'm pissed that they won't let me go. I'm old enough to go live with my mom, but they refuse to let me see her."

"How bad is she?" She asked quietly.

"We talking drugs?" Ashley nodded. "She does a little bit of everything but mostly coke-"

Ashley laughed harshly. "Forget about her." She advised soberly. "She's not worth the trouble."

"Excuse me?"

The rock star didn't fail to notice his clenched fists and shocked eyes. He was angry at her, maybe she said the wrong thing, but then again, she had a point. Her words were honest having lived them. "If it's coke she's hooked on your better off here."

"What's the fucking deal?!" He snapped. "She just gets high, i've been high before and it wasn't that major."

Turning on the bed, Ashley faced the teen and crossed her legs. "And what have you been high on?"

"Pot."

The rock star smirked. "Are you really comparing pot to coke?" He nodded slowly. "I'm assuming you've smoked pot before, have you ever tried coke?" He shook his head. "There's a huge difference." She held out her arm and pulled up her hoodie sleeve. The gasp escaping the boy's lips was expected. Her arm was a mess of red cuts and faded scars, she looked back up at him "The fresher ones- I didn't feel. Remembering what happened that night is kind of hard, but I'll tell you this. Cocaine and pot are two different damages. I've been doing cocaine for over two years and it really messed me up. I didn't give a shit about the band, the fans or anything else, including myself, but coke. Even now, as I speak about it, how it ruined my life," She snorted, "How it's killing my father- if it was right here, in this room, right now, i'd be snorting it. It's just that powerful. Your mother is invalid as long as she's smoking, snorting, or injecting cocaine. You and Caitlyn don't mean anything to her." She pulled her sleeve back down. "You're better off here with your Aunt and Uncle, they're giving you everything an addict can't."

"Is that a lot?"

"More than you can count." She answered knowingly.

"You really do drugs?" His face was skeptical, Ashley nodded and watched it change to surprise. "You can't be serious."

"I'm dead serious." She answered finding the whole situation surreal. Here she was, sitting in a 16 year old boy's room with enough nerve to talk about drugs. The thought was horrible but everything leaving her mouth was honest. "I've been doing drugs for a long time..." too long. "and now I'm ready to stop."

He looked closely at her. "What changed your mind? Did you just wake up one morning and decided to stop?"

"No. It's complicated but overall Spencer changed my mind. She's helping me quit." Hopefully for good.

Denny nodded. "That's cool. Maybe someone will help my mom wake up and quit for good."

"Cross your fingers. It can happen."

"Are you living proof?"

Ashley looked away. "For now."

**xxxxxxxxx**

Ashley played around with the black guitar in her hands. Denny and her decided to grab their guitars and have some fun in the other room. She taught him a thing or two but wasn't gaining any new knowledge from the brown haired teen. She watched the teen leave the room as she brought the pick up and down the strings. Her foot tapped in time with the catchy music. Her left eye brow shot up questionably when Denny came back out with a video camera. "Are we making a sex tape?" The camera fell as the words filled the room. "Oh shit." He knelt down and picked it up somewhat shakily. "Relax, it was just a joke." She stated carefully watching as he placed the camera on the couch and nervously wiped his palms on his jeans. She stopped playing. "What's the problem?"

He stopped and looked at her. His face was full of fear, mirroring his trembling hands, Ashley didn't understand what was wrong with him. "You're like my hero." The rock star smiled amusingly settling back on the couch. "For a million different reasons. You play like a fucking God, you're really nice, and you're...you're gay." That got her attention. She shifted in her seat. Denny looked finished but she wasn't. "And why does that make me your hero?" She questioned softly.

He looked away and shrugged. His mouth opened and shut several times, finally frustrated, he looked at her and said. "Because I am too."

"What are you?" Spencer asked walking into the room.

The teens were surprised to see her standing near the staircase. Ashley's eyes flickered over to Denny. Shear terror fell over his face, he obviously didn't want Spencer to know, which was easily seen. Poor boy, Ashley thought, he looked so close to fainting. She met her lover's eyes with a playful smile. "He' s in love with me." She announced getting her girlfriend to chuckle.

"Is that so?" Spencer looked over at Denny. The teen quickly caught on and nodded. "Awww does little Denis have a crush."

"Yeah. A big one." He answered more relaxed. "What do you think Ashley? Would you switch teams for me?"

"You're cute." She teased, her eyes moving to Spencer, she became more serious. "But I have my eye set on someone else."

Denny laughed getting their attention. "I told you she wanted to do you." He told Spencer.

"What?" Ashley exclaimed staring at them.

Spencer rolled her eyes. "Inside joke." she looked back over at Denny. "bad inside joke."

"Hahaha." He blurted sarcastically before staring at Ashley. "Tell her you'd do her so it can be a factual statement."

"Okay." Ashley answered evilly meeting Spencer's gaze. "I would so do you in a heart beat."

"I told you!" Denny laughed.

Walking to the couch, Spencer moved forward and straddled a shocked Ashley's hips. Her hands grasped the back of the couch as she moved her body provocatively against her girlfriend. The rock star sat frozen under her, brown eyes stayed glued to swaying breasts as they teased her. She looked up at Spencer and smiled viciously. The blonde sent her a warning look, Ashley rolled her eyes and kept her hands from touching. "Come on rock star, do me then. I'm all yours." Spencer stuck her tongue out, fighting back a giggle as Ashley frowned. "Keep tempting me Blondie." She growled challengingly.

"Maybe later." Spencer blew out casually getting off the rock star. She walked over to a gaping Denny and ruffled his hair. "Give me hug, I'm going to bed." The boy got over his shock and wrapped his arms around his cousin. "Love you." Spencer said kissing his cheek and pulling back. "Me too." He replied watching her move back over to the couch. He smiled when she ordered Ashely to do the same. And his eyes widened when Ashley tricked the blonde into kissing her lips. His cousin didn't seem appalled or anything, she playfully smacked her upper arm and left the room with a smile. "I think she'd really let you do her."

Ashley pursed her lips in thought. "You know what Denny...I think so too."

**xxxxxxxxx**

The room was pitch black as she lied on her back, her head was turned and eyes glued to the wall. There were no windows, being in the basement, but Ashley didn't mind. The moon wasn't anything special, she could go a few nights without it's shining light. Spencer was a different story. Lying in the dark, her mind was far from being at ease as it yearned for her lover. The thought of wrapping her arms around her girlfriend's sleeping frame, caressing, kissing, whispering to her as she slept peacefully in her arms- it was all bliss. The idea of it kept Ashley awake, kept her heavy eyelids from closing, it drove the rock star to rolling out of bed and leaving the room.

She intended on getting a glass of water from the kitchen, but then her eyes fell on the staircase and her feet moved on their own accord. She walked silently up each step and stayed quit throughout her journey upstairs. The door made a sound as she pushed it open. She caught a glimpse of her girlfriend sitting up as she pushed it closed behind her. "I can't sleep." She whispered seeing the questioning look on Spencer's face. "I've been dying to see you and waiting til morning to do so is torture." She smiled shyly. "Is that crazy?"

"If it is then we're both insane." She smiled softly relaxing against the hundreds of pillows behind her. "I haven't been able to sleep either because of a certain someone." She watched Ashley lean against the door and decided she'd be more comfortable with her on the bed. "Come here and I'll tell you about her."

Ashley willingly obeyed and climbed on the bed with her girlfriend. Spencer welcomed her with open arms, she collapsed in them, feeling their bodies pressed tightly together, Ashley gazed into gray eyes with desire pooling in hers. "It sounds like you really like this someone. Does she like you back?"

"I hear she's in love with me."

Ashley leaned forward and brought their foreheads together, her eyes gazing playfully into Spencer's. "I feel bad for her then."

"And why is that?" Spencer asked playing with her lover's hair.

Her eyes closed as she tickled her girlfriend's soft skin with her nose. "You already gave your heart to me."

Ashley didn't have time think as Spencer's mouth connected eagerly with hers. She moaned deeply into the kiss feeling her girlfriend's thigh pressed against her. Spencer's hands roamed all over her back as their tongues met and danced, sending wave after wave of pleasure through her. The overwhelming urge to take her girlfriend was strong, threatening to consume her, she fought it thinking they weren't getting far. Spencer's parents were in the next room, breaking the kiss, Ashley's lips grazed Spencer's as she panted, "Your parents?" Spencer answered by urging the shirt off her body. "Just..." The blonde started forcing Ashley on her back, she covered her lean frame with her own, gasping as she felt her erect nipples come into contact with her shirt. "Don't scream."

Closing her eyes, Ashley threw her head back as Spencer began licking and sucking down her throat. Her hands griped the sheets as she felt insisted fingers tease her left breast, pulling and rubbing her erect nub, she bit hard on her tongue when she felt her girlfriend nip and suck at her pulse point, sending delicious shivers down her spine. "Oh...Spencer." She groaned feeling her lips on her breast, her tongue flicking wildly at her nipple, Ashley squirmed while feeling her hand trail down her abs.

Spencer sucked harder while undoing the button to Ashley's tight jeans. The rock star whimpered and sighed as she slipped inside them, feeling her lover's desire coat her fingers, she began teasing her swollen clit with her thumb. Spencer moved up and captured her lips, swallowing her cries and moans as she moved against her hand. Ashley turned her head and broke the kiss, "Spencer." She pleaded moving harder against her touch.

"Yes my beloved." She answered moving her lips down her throat, enjoying the taste of the rock star's skin as she licked and sucked.

"Fuck me, just fuck me already," She groaned feeling Spencer nip at the hollow of her throat. The blonde continued down running her lips over an erect nipple as she entered her lover, giving into her pleas, she entered her quickly with two fingers while sucking hard on her breast. Ashley screamed out as Spencer began moving faster and deeper inside her, slender hips rose up to meet each thrust, her thighs began quivering as she felt her clit being brushed. Ashley wrapped her arms around her lover while screaming her name.

Spencer held her as she continued to shudder, kissing her lips, cheeks, and forehead, she buried her face in Ashley's neck and closed her eyes, listening to her lover's heavy breathing, she lightly kissed along her collar bones, up her neck and around her jaw. "I love you," She kissed her chin and then brought her hand up, pushing strays of hair out of her face, she gazed down into tired brown eyes with a smile. The smile died when she heard knocking on the door.

"Spencer? Is everything alright?" Her mother asked.

"Everything's fine. Ashley just had a nightmare." She casually answered.

"Oh...Ashley's in there." She heard her mother murmur. "Okay sweetheart. Goodnight you two."

"Night." They answered in unison.

"She...," Ashley's yawn cut her off. "Totally knows what we're doing." She stated quietly.

"It doesn't matter." Spencer kissed her gently. "I don't care anymore. If they figure it out, they figure out." She ran her finger along damp auburn bangs. "They can't take you away from me." She kissed her again. "You have my heart." Spencer laid her head on her chest and closed her eyes feeling Ashely soothingly stroke her hair.

Feeling exhausted, she slipped her hand out of Ashley's jeans and snuggled deeper against her. "I love you Spencer."

The whispered words were the last thing she heard before falling into a blissful sleep.

**xxxxxxxxx**

Birds, chirping, sun- Spencer groaned as she turned her head away from the sunlight. Waking up was the last thing she wanted to do, she thought feeling around for her girlfriend. The blonde sighed as her eyes opened. Ashley was nowhere to be seen. "Why can't she just stay with me?" She yawned stretching in bed. Her arms immediately flew down to cradle her stomach as she whimpered. She had started her period the day before and was just now experiencing lower abdominal pain. The cramps were bad, she felt close to tears as she rolled out of bed and headed into the bathroom.

She took a quick shower then went back to her room, downed a couple Ibuprofen tablets, got dressed and then left. Her thoughts were on Ashley and how nice it would have been to wake up next to her. Spencer didn't dwell on it long, she just planned on holding the rock star a little tighter next time they fell asleep.

Spencer heard voices the second she stepped off the last step. She followed them into the kitchen and leaned against the door frame. Her mother and Ashley stood near the stove; Ashley was doing something with a spatula while Paula stood talking to her. Spencer didn't hesitate walking in and kissing her mother's cheek. "Morning mother." She turned her head and leaned forward, kissing Ashley's, she said the same thing.

"Mother." Spencer groaned watching Ashley dress an omelet. "Ashley's our guest not chef."

Paula met her gaze and chuckled. "I assure you my dear, Ashley enjoys being both. Tell her Ashley."

The rock star met her girlfriend's gaze. "I enjoy being both." She repeated with a smile.

Spencer poked her playfully in the upper arm. "You have to stop doing that."

"Doing what?" Ashley questioned lightly.

"Repeat what my evil relatives tell you to repeat."

Paula reached out and grabbed one of the five plates Ashley had set up on the counter. "You know what's really evil?" She asked her daughter.

Spencer looked at her. "What?"

"Hair straightners."

"Hair straighteners?"

"Hair straighteners." Paula repeated nodding towards a blushing Ashley. "She'll tell you all about their evils." She reached out and grabbed another plate. "Thank you Ashley. You're an amazing cook," She winked at Spencer. "and guest. Arthur and I are going to enjoy this immensely." She kissed Spencer's forehead.

"What is she talking about?" Spencer asked after watching her mother leave.

Ashley's hand immediately shot up to the pulse point of her neck. "She's talking about the burn mark I got from the straightener." She answered showing her girlfriend the hickey she gave her. Spencer chuckled shakily as she quickly caught on.

"Oh the burn mark..." She groaned burying her face in Ashley's neck. The rock star wrapped her arms around her. "She knows you're full of shit."

Ashley sighed. "I would have covered it with make up but your mother saw it before I did. Are we fucked?"

The blonde pulled back and cupped her cheek. "We were fucked from the moment we stepped inside this house." she chuckled. "But everything seems okay. My mother loves you and so does everyone else in this house. Especially Denny."

Ashley smirked. "'He knows I would do you' smart boy."

"Not anytime soon." Spencer groaned. "Period and my tummy hurts really bad." She explained.

"I'm sorry." Ashley kissed her forehead. "Want some soup? Tea? Lower back rub?"

Kissing the skin closest to her lips, the blonde shook her head. "I'll take you, me, bed and cuddling. Tea is fine as long as you don't mind making it."

The rock star didn't find the requests too demanding, in fact, she was looking forward to them. "I don't mind making you tea Spencer. Just go relax and i'll be there in a sec."

Spencer looked at her. "You know where the tea is?"

Ashley nodded somewhat bashfully. "In the pantry."

Spencer chuckled. "My terrible mother. All the cooking you're doing for her..." She kissed her cheek. "I'll be lying down in the basement."

Smiling, Ashley leaned forward and kissed her lips softly. "I'll see you in a little bit."

**xxxxxxxxx**

"Oh man this is good." Arthur moaned taking another bite of his breakfast. The omelet on his plate was quickly disappearing as he continued to shovel it into his mouth. Every bite was pure bliss, he enjoyed the different flavors he was experiencing. Looking around the table, he noticed Denny and Caitlyn eating just as enthusiastically as he was. "Where is the chef hiding away at?" He asked the older of the two kids.

Denny swallowed down his mouth full before answering. "They're in Ashley's room working on some music stuff."

"They had the door locked cause its super secret information." Caitlyn added eating another mouthful.

That got Arthur's attention. "They're in Ashley's room with the door locked?"

Denny nodded. "Yeah, Spencer said we couldn't see any new material they come up with." He noticed the quizzical look on his uncle's face. "It's a rock star thing. They want everything to be a surprise until it comes out on an album."

"That makes sense." Arthur nodded taking another bite full. "I'll just have to thank her for breakfast later."

**xxxxxxxxx**

Spencer watched the hand on her tummy with mesmerized gray eyes. She lied on her back, shirt pulled up to her bra with Ashley curled up on her side. The rock star's hand gently messaged the muscles on her abs while they watched TV. The blonde stared at her lover's tanned hand. It caressed her lovingly, easing much of the pain. The rock star was blossoming into a wonderful lover, Spencer mused turning her head. She kissed the top of her auburn hair, enjoying the smell of lavender as she nuzzled against it. "Thank you for the tea, Baby." She murmured enjoying Ashley's tender touch. "Do you feel better?" The rock star asked softly. "You always make me feel better." Spencer kissed the top of her head again, turning to rest her cheek against it, she stared at the TV with her thoughts solely on her girlfriend. Ashley was becoming a much better person without drugs and Pops in her life. The rock star was gentle and quiet but also had a sense of humor, perfect smile and active libido. Spencer couldn't have asked for a better lover. Ashley was simply perfection to her. There was something there between her and Ashley that was missing between her and Aiden. The heavy feeling she got in her chest when ever Ashley held or kissed her, even the rock star's smiles made her dizzy with happiness, Spencer was surprised her feelings for Ashley weren't overwhelming. She was seriously falling for the rock star and it was one of the best feelings in the world.


	5. That haunts my days

**A/N: I don't know why I never posted this chapter on this site. I read Fame and then this story and found myself wanting to finish it. I think it'd be neat finishing something I started when I was 15. The support has been really great, I went through some stuff that kind of took me away from fanfiction and it was really awesome reading the feedback. I thank everyone who read and enjoyed my writing. I know it's not the best and there were plenty of mistakes but I think it's great that there are people out there who liked it. I liked writing it and I want to work towards finishing. I don't know if it'll have much of a following now but either way, I think it's worth finishing. I copied and pasted this chapter from a forum and it's so long I'm praying I have it right. Haha  
**

* * *

Ashley sat outside with her back against the brick house enjoying a freshly lit cigarette. The last two days had passed on quietly for her and everyone else under the Carlin roof. She continued waking up early and heading outside for a cigarette where Paula always found her. They exchanged small talk until the older blonde invited her inside to make breakfast. The rock star wouldn't hesitate walking over to the fridge and grabbing whatever ingredients she needed to make a wonderful meal. Paula started helping less and less as they days passed on, preferring to stand and talk to the cooking teen rather than pick up a knife. Ashley didn't mind. She enjoyed the extra work. She was finding cooking to be very therapeutic. It took her mind off most her problems and was fun, especially when Spencer joined. The groggy blonde would always walk in yawning and kiss her cheek after greeting her mother. Predictably, Paula would choose that moment to leave. Ashley was becoming suspicious of the older blonde as she became suspicious of her and Spencer. To Ashley's relief, there was never any tension to go along with it. After hanging out in the kitchen, the rock star would usually be dragged away by either Denny or Caitlyn. The siblings surprisingly wanted her for the same reason. Her guitar playing was something they both enjoyed, with Spencer's help, she managed to give Caitlyn lessons while giving Denny her opinion on his playing. Ashley would spend the rest of the day either hanging out with Spencer or her cousins.

The door opening got her attention. She turned her head and watched a very tall darkly dressed teenager softly close the door. There was no doubt in her mind that the figure was Denny. Her eyes scanned him from head to toe as she took a long drag off her cigarette. "Where are you going?" She asked before he could step off the porch. His long frame froze for a good 30 seconds, Ashley wondered if it had anything to do with the cold weather. She got her answer when he turned around. His face held nothing less than fear but it eased up when he looked hard and realized it was just her.

Broad shoulders rose and fell as the 16 year old sighed his relief. He was extremely happy it wasn't Paula on the porch. "You scared the living shit out of me." He said moving toward the sitting figure. His shadow covered her entire body, he fought back a chuckle. Ashley Davies was a lot shorter in person. The petite size was adorable, he admitted watching her smoke more of the cigarette between her fingers. "What are you doing out here anyway," He hugged himself tighter, his breath easily seen in the air, he gaped down at the rock star. Nothing covered her bare arms, she sat wearing a gray tank top with boxer shorts and her slip ons.

Peering up at Denny, she removed the cigarette from her lips and smiled at him. "Spencer and I just got finished fucking." She took another drag off her cigarette loving the shock over the younger boy's face. "I just needed a cigarette after that." She shrugged blowing smoke away from him.

Denny stood still staring at Ashley, waiting for her to burst out into laughter, it never happened. She can't be serious, he thought looking her over. Her hair was messier than usual, he guessed it could have been from lying in bed...or from his cousin's hands. "Are you serious?" He asked kneeling down beside her.

"Nah." She answered throwing the small bud in the snow. She looked at him. "Wishful thinking."

"That makes more sense." He chuckled crossing his long legs. "I'm sorry but Spencer and lesbian sex- I just don't see it happening."

If only he knew. "Why not?"

Denny laughed. "Are you seriously asking me that?" She nodded. "Come on Ashley. Spencer's as straight as my finger." He said holding his index finger straight up.

Ashley rolled her eyes. "That doesn't mean anything. Most of the groupies I've slept with were 'straight' and that didn't stop them from escorting me to bed." She spoke before the onslaught of questions left his mouth and filled the cold air. She wasn't in the mood to talk about the whores she had been with. "Why are you sneaking out?" She asked a question of her own.

Denny didn't hesitate telling the truth. Ashley was cool and would understand why he had to leave. "My boyfriend's party is still going and I want to crash it. He text me and according to him it's a party I can't miss. Joints and Jesse, my two favorite J's." He finished grinning.

Ashley's face was far from mirroring his. There was a frown over her lips, she hated that Denny was getting into drugs, making her feel like a hypocrite. She thought back to everyone from Glen to Spencer and wondered if her feelings were similar to theirs. The disappointment along with the fear of him getting high and doing something he'll regret later. And then she felt bad knowing she had put everyone through that bullshit. A surge of determination ran through her. She wasn't going to let Denny ever feel that way. In the end, the drugs weren't worth the emotional drama. Ashley was learning that the hard way. "Remember what we talked about the other day?" She started casually. "About your music."

Denny nodded. "Yeah. You said you liked my songs and I had potential to be big if I wanted to." Which he did. All Denny could think about while playing his guitar was being on stage, in front of hundreds of people, it was his dream to be the person Ashley Davies was. He even had a CD cover design ready. The only thing holding him back from fulfilling his dream was high school. But that wasn't going to be a problem for long. The tall 16 year old was going to be a senior next year. Only one more year, he thought happily.

"I won't help you if you're doing drugs." Her voice was all business and it wasn't hard for him tell she was serious. The rock star didn't feel anything as she watched his happy expression slowly change. There was no way in hell she was going to let this potentially great musician, who she was beginning to like, lose himself to drugs. She refused to let Spencer deal with another ruined loved one. "I have all the hookups you need to become successful. Hardly anyone starting out has that. You don't want to lose me."

Denny looked away finding the rock star's words ridiculous. He thought a moment and then smiled sarcastically, shaking his head, he met brown eyes again. "I don't see the big deal." He laughed a little. "I mean come on, it's just pot!" He laughed harder. "Nobody OD's on pot. What's the big deal?"

"I didn't wake up one morning and decide I wanted to snort cocaine." Ashley looked away. "For awhile I just smoked pot, but then, I wanted to do more, try something harder because if the pot highs were good, imagine what cocaine would do to me." She smiled bitterly. "Pot is considered a gateway drug for a reason. If you get hooked then the chances of you moving onto harder stuff is high." She looked at him. There was great interest in his eyes, she could tell he was actually listening. She took that as an advantage and hoped her words would help him change his mind about drugs. They weren't fun. "You don't want to end up like me or your mother, Denny." He looked away somewhat ashamed. "It's just best to avoid that shit completely."

There was a brief but comfortable silence between them. Sighing, Denny broke it."You're right," He scooted back against the wall next to the rock star. "I don't want to end up like her." His head fell back against the cold brick as question after question filled his young mind. Was that the reality he was facing? Ending up like his mother? Abandoning her two children for a lifestyle that will end up killing her? Denny didn't want to come remotely close to that. "I'll try Ashley." He turned his head and met her gaze. "No, scratch that. I won't do it anymore. I won't ever do it again." The emotion in his voice and eyes was clearly visible, Ashley leaned forward and urged the taller teen into her arms. Denny closed his eyes. "I never want to end up like my mother." He whispered into the embrace.

I never want to end up like my father. "You're better than that Denny. You're going to be amazing."

And nothing like me.

* * *

Paula sat at the kitchen table enjoying a fresh cup of coffee. She was savoring every second of her day off, not having had one in a couple of weeks, she was happy being able to spend the whole day at home. Her eyes flickered up to her husband. Arthur sat at the opposite end of the table reading the newspaper while eating his oatmeal. Paula looked down at her own bowl and wondered how Ashley would have made it. She chuckled at the thought sipping more of her coffee. After throwing on her robe, she had walked outside, intent on getting the newspaper, and immediately realized Ashley was nowhere to be seen. The disappointment she felt surprised her. She then realized how much she was beginning to like the girl. She was smart, a great listener and an amazing cook; breakfast wasn't the same without her.

Arthur looked up at his grinning wife. "What's so funny?" He asked eating more of his breakfast. Paula was no Ashley but she did okay. The food was good and wouldn't kill him. Spencer on the other hand, Arthur wouldn't take a bowl of cereal from his daughter. The 17 year old knew absolutely nothing about food. He learned that after allowing her to make spaghetti one night. The noodles were all stuck together in giant chunks, the sauce was too salty, and it was overall watery.

The older blonde shook her head. "Nothing. I was just thinking about Ashley." She met her husband's amused gaze. "I feel bad for taking advantage of the poor girl. Well, I take that back. She likes cooking for us but I'm starting to feel spoiled." She sighed. "Is it wrong to treat our guest like a house chef?"

Arthur shrugged. "I don't see a problem if she enjoys it." He smiled. "And so be it if we're getting spoiled along the way. We're hard working people, we deserve a bit of bliss."

Paula laughed. "Is that how you see Ashley's cooking? Blissful?"

The older man thought a moment before nodding. "Pretty much. The kid has talent."

Paula agreed. "And you were having second thoughts about letting her stay."

"I'm still a little uneasy when it comes to her." Arthur admitted. "I mean, her and Spencer are never apart-"

"Ashley's her guest. Of course they're going to be together-"

"I know Paula but It's more than just hanging out, I think. This morning I walked by Spencer's room and she wasn't in there."  
"She slept downstairs with Ashley." Paula answered knowingly. The laundry room was also part of the basement. On her way to bring a basket of dirty laundry down, she had come across Denny. The tall boy was sound asleep on the couch. She hesitated before walking over to the guest room, remembering Spencer's room being empty, she took a peek inside and made out two sleeping bodies on the bed. She closed the door with a sigh, her emotions all over the place- she reminded herself that she was once young and had no right to be angry or upset. "Arthur I'll be honest with you and say I do believe there's something going on between them-"

"We have to get her out of here." Arthur hissed standing up. The whole idea of Ashley seducing his little girl was sickening. It was his job to protect Spencer in every way possible, he wasn't going to allow Ashley to brain wash her.

"Sit down." Paula commanded sternly. The anger on her husband's face was understandable. They both grew up respectively in church going homes, Arthur had every right to be angry at Ashley. But it took two to tangle and Spencer was too smart to blindly follow someone, including Ashley or anyone else in the world. Concluding that her daughter wanted Ashley as much as the rock star wanted her, Paula knew throwing Ashley out of the house wouldn't solve anything. "Arthur we're not finished talking."

"I'm finished allowing our daughter to be seduced-"

"Enough, Arthur! Just listen to me if you won't sit down." Paula sat up straighter in her seat preparing herself for a long memorable confession. "We're not throwing Ashley out," She held up a long elegant finger, stopping Arthur from talking. "Spencer invited her to stay and I gave her permission to do so. I'm not a liar, I told Spencer she could bring home Ashley, knowing she was a lesbian and a drug addict because I trust our daughter's judgment. And we don't even know if they're really doing anything, they could just be good friends. But I would still love both Spencer and Ashley if they were more because I was their age once," She hesitated before continuing. "And I know what it's like to be...curious."

Arthur slowly retook his seat. "Curious?"

"Yeah." Paula answered casually. "I dated a girl back in high school and we lasted two weeks before I met you, fell madly in love and got married. That was the end of that and I'm sure it'll be the same for Spencer," She smiled reassuringly, "Just a phase."

Arthur stayed quiet for a moment, taking in everything, he sighed. "I don't like it Paula."

"It's a part of growing up for some people."

"What if it's not a phase?"

Paula didn't hesitate answering, "She's my daughter and I'll love her regardless."

* * *

_The world was spinning, brown eyes could see it, everything moving in circles in her mind. Her hands clutched on harder to the counter top she sat on. There was a blank look in her hooded eyes as she watched the room twist and turn, change colors, and even shake. If she were sober she'd realize she was the one shaking. Shudder after shudder wracked her young body as she sat in the nice bathroom. Her body soaked in sweat from playing the show, her hair drenched, she felt the salty liquid slither into her eye but didn't feel it burn. Ashley didn't know what she was tripping on. All she remembered was being offered it back stage, small and white, she didn't hesitate swallowing the pill down. Leaning back, her head hit the mirror with a thud as an incredible warmth swept through her. Her eyes stared up into the bright light above her head. For a moment, she swore she was in space, staring at the sun, she reached out to touch it, but then quickly drew her hand back as a series of tingles swept through her. She cradled her arm and stared down, thinking it had been burned off, she settled back against the mirror with a silly grin on her face. Everything felt amazing, her body was warm, her mind in ecstasy, everything was just perfect._

"You're crying."

The words entered her mind, Ashley lazily turned her head, meeting the owner of the soft words, she strained her eyes to make out her face. Frustrated, her teeth clamped down on her bottom lip when she realized she couldn't see anything more than a blur, her visitor's whole body was one big blur, all she could make out was a hazy outline; long brunette hair, slim body taller than herself, and the softest voice she had ever heard. "Am I?" She asked and heard her own voice echo inside her head. "I don't feel it."

"Can you feel anything?" The voice asked, coming closer, Ashley looked harder, wanting more than anything to see the woman's eyes. "Hey," The girl cooed cupping and stroking her face, Ashley closed her eyes tired of trying. She focused on soaking up the comfort the stranger was providing. "Relax Ashley, you're biting too hard on your lip, you're going to hurt yourself."

"It doesn't matter." She mumbled loving the soft skin against her face, the feeling was intensified with the drug she had taken, her eyes opened and she stared up into the stranger's face. Still nothing, Ashley hated it but the feeling was covered by her racing heart and dizziness that had all of a sudden plagued her. She felt light headed, she was border lining passing out, but felt no fear. Feeling the hand caress her face, she knew the woman would keep her safe.

She would always keep her safe.

But then she heard other voices, familiar voices, and whimpered when she felt the hand leave her face.

She blacked out.

Brown eyes opened as Ashley groggily lifted her upper body, moving off her girlfriend, she rolled over and searched around for her cell phone. Once again, the ring tone was obnoxiously loud, Ashley made a mental note to switch it to vibrate and keep it that way. With a groan, she crawled over to the edge and felt around under the bed. The phone had stopped ringing the moment she found it, with a frown, she rolled over on her back and stretched with a yawn. She didn't remember falling asleep but apparently did, turning her head, she was met with Spencer's back. The blonde was sleeping on her side now with a pillow over her head, obviously trying to block out the sound of her phone. The rock star moved over and removed the pillow, kissing her cheek, she allowed her lips to linger on the flawess soft skin, thinking she was the luckiest girl in the world, she got off the bed and headed towards the door. "No," She heard her girlfriend croak as she reached out for the doorknob. Ashley looked over her shoulder and met hooded gray eyes. "Don't leave."

"I don't want to disturb your sleep." She explained watching Spencer yawn deeply. There was a smile on her beautiful face as she blinked her eyes awake. "Come back to bed." She chuckled briefly. "You're never here when I wake up." She said snuggling up against a pillow.

Never refusing her girlfriend a thing, the rock star walked over to the bed and easily crawled over to her. "Does this make you happy?" She murmured sampling her lips. There was a soft smile on Ashley's lips as she gazed down into her lover's eyes. Gorgeous gray orbs were fogged over with enough love to leave her speechless, Ashley cupped and stroked the side of her face with her thumb, relishing the soft, subtle skin under her caress, the rock star moved down and took her lips once again. "You're kissing me," Spencer murmured between kisses, "Of course I'm happy."

Ashley smiled, nuzzling her nose against her girlfriend's, she felt a warm hand on her neck followed by fingers stroking the hickey staining her skin. "Did you enjoy putting that there?" She quietly asked watching her girlfriend move her head to get a better look at it. "Hmmm," Spencer playfully hummed fingering the dark mark, "It looks like I did." She met Ashley's gaze with a teasing smile. "It's the biggest one I've given you."

The rock star gazed down into happy gray eyes, feeling gentle fingers on her neck, she forced a smile feeling somewhat confused. There was a time, not too long ago, when waking up to a hickey meant the start of a bad day. Warning her bed friends about leaving hickies was usually the first thing she'd do before engaging in any type of sexual activity. But that would never be the case with Spencer, Ashley realized strangely. She loved everything the blonde did to her and her body. From the hickies on her neck, to the scratches down her back- Spencer could light her on fire and she'd still be head over heels in love with the girl. The thought was overwhelming, Ashley looked away as the reality of everything seemed to hit her for the first time. "What's wrong?" Her girlfriend questioned from underneath her.

"Nothing feels the same. Every thing is just…" She looked at her trying to find the right words for the feelings she couldn't comprehend. "Different?" Spencer looked just as confused, Ashley moved off her and sat on her knees. Her hands occupied themselves with flipping open and close her cell phone. "I've never felt like this." She admitted looking up at Spencer. "It's just overwhelming I guess. I feel like a totally different person now. It's kind of scary."

Spencer sat up and took her girlfriend's left hand in hers. "You are becoming a different person now." Her thumb gently messaged tanned skin, "Drugs and sex have corrupted the last two years of your life. What you're feeling is completely understandable. A lot is different now. Instead of being in L.A. doing drugs and having sex, you're here with me." She leaned forward and urged her girlfriend in her arms, hugging her tightly. "Change is a scary thing Baby, but I promise you, in the end, when the drugs are gone for good, and your mind and body are free from them, it'll all be worth the confusion and fear you're feeling now."

"I hope so Spencer." She sighed closing her eyes and enjoying the warmth surrounding her. "I hate feeling like this." She added silently vowing to ignore her ridiculous feelings. Here she was, lying in bed with the most beautiful girl she had ever laid her eyes on- what was there to be afraid of?

* * *

The brown haired teenager leaned back against his seat watching the dark haired man drum his fingers against the kitchen table. Everything about the blue eyed muscular man aggravated the boy. He regretted answering the front door two hours before. Denny couldn't explain it but for some reason Aiden always bothered him. He thought it was jealousy at first, this prick was living his dream of being a rock star, but then he realized he just didn't like him. Even now as they sat quietly in the kitchen, waiting for Spencer and Ashley to make an appearance, his fingers were driving him crazy. He clenched his fists and fought hard to keep from yelling at his cousin's ex. Paula would murder him for cursing out Aiden, she was practically in love with him and Denny didn't want to be grounded for another eternity. "I should go down there and check on them myself." Aiden suggested for the 10th time since entering the Carlin home.

Denny immediately shook his head from side to side. "I told you they're doing some secret music shit that's meant for their ears only." He shrugged. "Sorry." It was the first thing he could think of to tell Aiden. The truth was Ashley and Spencer were peacefully asleep in the guest bedroom, Denny didn't want Aiden to ruin their little nap.

Aiden didn't buy the lie for one second. He knew if Spencer and Ashley were in the basement alone music would be the last thing on their mind. "Denny I assure you it's fine if I go down there and check on them myself." He smiled reassuringly. "I'm apart of the biz too. I know how these things work."

The teenager sighed his annoyance. "Just sit there and deal with having to wait."

"I've been waiting for over an hour. I promise you working on music doesn't take that long-"

"Ashley's very passionate about her music and perfection takes time." He stood up. "I'm grabbing something to drink. Do you want something?"

Aiden frowned. "Yeah, thanks."

Denny walked over to the fridge thinking of ways to get Aiden to leave. Grabbing two cokes, he threw all ideas out the window. It would take a fire to get the thick headed asshole to leave. "Here." He said sliding the can of soda over to Aiden. Watching his big hands open the can, he hoped it would explode all over him, frowning, he opened his own can when his hopes were shattered. "So Denny how's school?"

The teenager took a large gulp before setting his can down and meeting expectant blue eyes. "Cool. It's easy to score drugs there." He said taking another gulp of soda.

"Drugs aren't cool Denny." Aiden said seriously, watching the younger boy fight back a giggle. "It's not funny either. Drugs are bad for you."

The brown haired teen rolled his eyes. "Yeah I know. It stuns your growth." He looked down at his 6'3 frame. "I don't think I have anything to worry about."

"Stuns your growth?!" Aiden repeated incredulously. "Denny it ruins people's lives!"

"Like you would know." He laughed. "Aiden you don't know anything. You're too big of a pussy to even touch the shit."

Ashley stood at the door way staring at the two. She had caught the last bit of their conversation and couldn't help but wonder how the word 'pussy' became involved. Hearing it out of Spencer's cousin's mouth made it comical, she found herself smiling as she walked into the room thanking god Spencer was in the bathroom. She knew Denny would have been in for a verbal scolding if she had heard him. "What am I walking into?" Ashley asked Denny.

He looked over and met the rock star's amused gaze. He had no idea how much Ashley had heard so decided to fill her in. "Pussy- I mean Aiden tried to give me a lecture on something he knows nothing about."

"Is that so?" She looked at Aiden and the smile on her face slowly died when she noticed the grave expression on his naturally handsome features. It didn't take much to realize something was seriously wrong. He didn't say anything for seconds, and then looked down, Ashley could tell he was conflicted. She looked at Denny. "Can you give us a couple seconds?" The tall boy gave her a strange look and then looked at Aiden. With an eye roll, he muttered something about being a pussy and then got up and left the room. Ashley focused her attention back on Aiden. "What's wrong?"

He took a deep breath before looking up and meeting her gaze. "Ashley I just came back from L.A." He paused a moment. "I paid a visit to Pops in the hospital and he's in pretty bad shape." He looked around. "What are you doing here?" His eyes found hers again. "You should be over there with him. He's...he's dying Ash."

Ashley's eyes slightly narrowed at the appalled look on his face. He almost seemed disgusted at the fact that she wasn't holding her father's hand as he slowly died, but what did he know? Absolutely nothing, Ashley answered her own question finding the entire situation stressful. No one knew anything, no one understood how she really felt. What everyone knew was a lie. Fueled by what the media portrayed them as, she knew it wouldn't be easy convincing others that she could careless about her father. Well showing them wouldn't be hard, convincing them not to hate her would be. "Are you saying I should just pack my shit and leave?"

The rock star's tone was neutral, Aiden didn't detect any nasty sarcasm, but there was a bit of carelessness in her voice. "That's exactly what I'm saying Ashley. He needs you, his daughter, especially now that he's sick." Ashley sighed deeply looking away. "He did ask for you," He added watching as she brought her hands up to her face, her fingers messaging her temples- the stress was easily seen on her face but it wasn't enough to get him to stop. "He asked me when were you going to visit and I had no idea what to tell him-"

"Well let's solve that problem now." She muttered dropping her hands. Her head turned and she stared boldly into his eyes. For some reason hearing those words pissed her off, she couldn't explain the anger but it was there consuming her mind and flying out her mouth. "Next time you see him, tell him I'm never going to visit, okay? Because that's the truth Aiden." She turned away and headed toward the refrigerator. "I'm never going to visit."

Aiden sat dumbstruck watching Ashley grab a soda out of the ice box. Had those words really left her mouth? He couldn't believe them. Sure there had been some tense moments between the two Davies, but nothing overly major, he couldn't wrap his mind around Ashley's attitude towards her father. They had been close for as long as he could remember. "How-"

"Aiden?!"

His head turned and he was met with a smiling blonde. The taller man didn't hesitate getting up and scooping Spencer up in a large hug. "Hey you," He greeted placing her back down on the ground. He took a couple of steps back sizing up his ex girlfriend. She looked good wearing a pair of jeans with one of Ashley's band shirts. Her hair was newly fixed and eyes vibrant nearly leaving him speechless. "You look good." He complimented casually.

"You do too." She replied taking in his newly shaved face, longer hair style and nice outfit. "Where's Darcey?"

"I left her back home with her family." He answered with a shrug. "She wanted to spend the Holidays with them."

Ashley leaned against the kitchen sink slowly sipping her diet coke. "You should be thankful." She murmured against the can remembering the pain in the ass that was Darcey. She couldn't have been more relieved knowing the bitch was back at home and not anywhere near her presence.

Hearing Ashley's low voice, Aiden turned his attention toward her. She gave him a look that demanded he watch what he say, he slightly bit down on his lower lip and looked away. He was going to talk to Ashley about Pops later, his eyes landed on Spencer. He assumed the rock star didn't want to have the conversation in front of her. "Where's the rest of the Carlin clan?" He changed the subject and asked the question with a smile.

Spencer looked from Aiden to Ashley with a curious gaze. She couldn't help but wonder if there was some sort of problem. Ashley's eyes were on the floor, her mind on a totally different planet. The blonde looked back at Aiden. "I have no idea." She answered running her hand through her hair. "Are they not here?"

Aiden shrugged. "I asked Denny and he told me not to worry about it." A taunting smile spread over his lips. "You guys sure spent a lot of time in the basement. What was it Denny told me you were doing...oh yeah. Making music?" He looked down at his watch. "At 12:15 PM." He looked at Spencer. "That's kind of early..."

"Making music?" Spencer chuckled. "Denny is becoming quite the liar..."

Aiden leaned forward a bit. "Sooooooo what were you two really doing?"

"Does it matter?" Throwing the empty diet coke can in the trash, she walked over to Spencer and lightly pecked her lips. "I'm going outside for a bit."

Spencer leaned over and placed another kiss on her lips, sensing something was wrong, she pulled away. Ashley smiled briefly and then moved away. "Did I miss something?" Spencer asked after watching her lover leave the kitchen.

Staring into his ex's gray eyes, Aiden didn't have the heart to lie. "I told Ashley about Pops."

"What about Pops?" She carefully asked.

"He's in the hospital." He answered quietly. "Dying."

* * *

The cigarette in her hand soon became nothing more than a tiny bud slowly wasting away. Ashley didn't realize this until the skin on her hand burned. "Shit," She hissed dropping the small bud. She stood still and stared incredulously down at it. She didn't remember taking more than a couple of drags off it, brown eyes watched as a converse covered foot moved out to step on it's remains. With a sigh, she stared out into the front yard. It was full of fresh white snow, Ashley had been staring at it for what seemed like hours, taking in the beautiful scene- it didn't do much to ease her mind. The cigarette seemed like a waste of time and money, Ashley thought with a frown. She didn't know why she even bothered smoking it, the white stick filled with poison and tobacco was something completely useless and would most likely be the death of her. All she wanted to do was get away, not from Spencer or Ohio, just from herself, her problems, her dad. "Shut the fuck up Ashley." She murmured walking off the porch. She knew where her thoughts were heading and it wasn't anywhere bright. No, her mind was drifting off somewhere dark. A place where cocaine ruled everything. And that was her life. Needing to escape reality, cocaine was her body's first impulse. She would normally give into it, usually with a smile, but not this time. "Not ever." She walked through the snow following the sounds coming from the back of the house.

The smile that tainted her lips was so automatic that Ashley was unaware of its existence. There, sitting in the middle of the snow covered lawn was Caitlyn, button up from head to toe in winter clothes, she moved around making a snowman Ashley assumed by the two big balls of snow.

"Ashley."

The rock star turned her head and was very surprised to see Paula and Arthur lounging on two chairs settled on the back porch. She all of a sudden regretted walking to the back not knowing what she had interrupted. "Hey," She said very timidly in a voice she did not recognize.

"Don't be shy," Paula said warmly responding to the tense teenager's quiet tone. "Come join us," She stopped talking, hearing shuffling beside her, her attention was directed to the chair next to hers. Arthur had gotten up and was heading towards Caitlyn. Paula fought back a sigh, she knew his leaving had something to do with Ashley, not wanting the rock star to pick up on it, she looked at Ashley with a wide smile. "Well, come join me."

Brown eyes watched Arthur step off the porch, Ashley didn't think anything of it, her eyes returned back to Paula's welcoming gaze. She hesitated but eventually walked over to the porch, up the stairs, and to the white lounge chair. Ashley immediately melted against the soft padding, it did her back amazing wonders, she sunk back with a deep exhale and tried her best to relax. "Comfy," she mumbled watching Arthur help Caitlyn build her snowman. The small blonde caught a glimpse of her and stood up, waving enthusiastically at the rock star, she yelled 'look Ashley, I'm building a snowman. Wanna help?!' Ashley shook her head and with a convincing smile replied, "Maybe later." The little blonde replied 'okay' and continued building.

Caitlyn's invitation didn't surprise Paula. The small 7 year old had instantly taking a liking to the rock star and Ashley was quickly becoming 'my best friend Ashley.' Paula turned her head and saw the smile on Ashley's face, not only on her lips, but in her eyes as she watched Caitlyn play in the snow. She wondered when Caitlyn would become 'my best friend Caitlyn' to her. If it wasn't already. "She really likes you." The mother mused trying to start up conversation.

"Yeah." The rock star answered absently-mindedly. "It must be the whole famous rock star thing."

For some reason the words didn't sit well with Paula. Ashley's tone was soft and somewhat dazed, she turned her head and stared at the rock star. "She hasn't mentioned your celebrity status since you got here." Ashley's facial expression changed to wonder as Paula's words seemed to sink it. "It has nothing to do with the friendship she has with you." Paula looked back at Caitlyn. "She just likes the person you are."

"That doesn't happen often."

"It happened with Spencer."

Ashley's back went rigid. She fought hard to keep from turning her head,wanting to see the older woman's facial expression. Paula's voice didn't hold any anger or hesitation, it was just casual, smooth, relaxed. "Yeah." She murmured. The minutes of silence that followed seemed like hours to the rock star. She could feel Paula's eyes on her and the feeling wouldn't go away. The older blonde was staring, making Ashley paranoid. Her head turned and she boldly met her gaze. "Is there something wrong?"

Ashley's tone wasn't rude or mean but Paula could hear the apprehension in her voice. Her face didn't hold the nervousness her voice held. There was even a slight quiver in the short question. "How did you and my daughter meet?"

The random question took Ashley by surprise. She opened her mouth and then closed it, biting her tongue. How would she answer that? The truth was she was high, Spencer was in her hotel room, and they had sex. "Um," She broke Paula's gaze and allowed her eyes to fall on the older woman's shoes. "She introduced herself in my hotel room on Aiden's birthday." She looked back up at Paula. "That's pretty much it."

Paula didn't believe Ashley. There was a lot the rock star wasn't telling her. She watched a slender tanned throat swallow nervously, there was more to the story than what Ashley was giving her. She wasn't going to interrogate the girl for any answers. She seemed pale enough. "Well, I'm glad she did." The older blonde smiled. "Caitlyn would be missing out on a great friend if she hadn't." Her gaze turned away from the rock star and landed on Caitlyn. Arthur had gotten up and walked around to the front minutes before leaving the little girl working alone in the snow. "Hey Cait!" The 7 year old turned her head. "Still need some help?" She eagerly nodded. "Alright babe we're coming." She looked at Ashley. "Ever build a snowman?"

* * *

"Spencer he really wants to see her." Aiden pushed remembering Raife's parting words to him. The memory sent shivers down his spine. Ashley's father wasn't looking too good. Pale skin and dark circles beneath his eyes painted the manager's face. He spoke softly and somewhat drowsily from the medication he was on. He nearly begged him to convince Ashley to pay him a visit. They both knew it could be the last. "You need to talk her into seeing him." He turned his head to look at her. The two sat in the living room sharing hot chocolate while chatting on the couch. The conversation was far from being pleasant. The past 20 minutes was filled with details of Raife's critical condition. The more Spencer heard the more heartbroken she was. The worst part was hearing what Raife wanted the most. Ashley's presence.

"Aiden you don't understand." Spencer leaned forward and placed her hot chocolate on the coffee table, settling back against the couch, she allowed her eyes to fall shut. "Ashley hates the man and I'm sure she would rather have her teeth pulled out than leave to see him-"

"You have to at least try Spencer. The guy doesn't have much time. Maybe you should remind Ashley of that." Aiden stood up subtly and pulled out something in his back pocket. The quick movement got Spencer's attention. Her eyes opened and stared questionably up at Aiden. "Mom wrote up an invitation for you and everyone else to come over for Christmas. She heard you guys were skipping out this year."

Spencer nodded. "Caitlyn's been sick and Mom didn't want to hassle with the Holiday. It's a pain in the ass really."

Aiden chuckled. "Yeah, well. Hopefully coming over to our place will take some of the strain off. Remember last Christmas?" His eyebrows lifted and fell suggestively. "Christmas at around 2 in the morning when everyone was asleep."

The blonde rolled her eyes. "Quit picturing me naked." She teased. "And you can hand that over to Mom yourself." She pointed to the glass sliding doors. "She's out there."

Blue eyes flickered over to the backyard view and filled with surprise when he caught sight of the scene. "I didn't know Ashley was into snowmen."

Spencer turned her head and then stood up to get a better view. "I didn't either." She mumbled with a small smile. She couldn't help but think her girlfriend was adorable playing in the snow with Caitlyn and her mother. She held up the small girl long enough for her to place the two black buttons over the snowman's white face, instantly becoming the eyes.

"Who is she and what have you done with the real Ashley Davies?" Aiden mocked horror as he turned and faced his ex.

Spencer grinned. "That is the real Ashley Davies." Just without the drugs and crazy rock star lifestyle.

"Bull." Aiden looked back out the glass. "The real Ashley Davies never looked so happy." He looked back at Spencer. "You're good for her, you know that?"

"She makes me happy and I'm in love with her." She looked at Aiden. "She's good for me too."

Aiden looked down at the card and handed it over to her. "I have to get going. You know Christmas is in a couple of days and Mom needs help getting the place ready. Give Paula my love, Okay?" He pulled Spencer into a brief hug and felt her nod against his shoulder. Pulling away, Spencer silently walked him to the front door.

* * *

The glass door quickly slid open and was quickly closed shut. Ashley fought back a shiver as she removed Caitlyn from her back. The little blonde was set down with a giggle, Ashley straightened up and looked down at her with a full out smile. "You're getting heavier, what does Ms. Paula feed you? Miracle grow?" She teased rubbing her hands up and down her arms. She was beginning to regret never wearing a jacket outside. Her arms were numb from the intense weather, the small hairs standing erect, she fought back shiver after shiver while being stared up at.

"No!" The little girl giggled back shaking off her jacket.

The door slid open again, Ashley turned her head and was met with Paula's 'I told you so' gaze. "That's the last time I let you go outside without a jacket," She said motherly. "I don't care how adapt you think you are to cold weather, your lips are purple and your shaking." She began feeling her forehead, pausing when she noticed the strange look the rock star was giving her. The coldness against her hand was forgotten as she lowered her arm. "You okay?"

Ashley nodded, her eyes briefly glancing away before meeting Paula's examining gaze, her lips parted, "I'm F-fine." She answered with a slight chatter in her mouth. The coldness seemed to have caught up with her, outside, in the freezing weather she was too distracted to realize it's toll on her body, now inside, with the warm air shocking her body- she felt the freezing weather deep within her bones. "Just...cold."

Paula felt guilty as she stared into dark brown eyes. She should have made Ashley go back inside and put something over her bare arms. Now the teenage girl was paying a price she could have prevented, should have prevented- but then her thoughts froze. Would Ashley have listened to her? This wasn't one of her daughter's old friends, wasn't a family member, and sure as hell wasn't your average teenager. The girl before her was like no one else. She got whatever she wanted, did whatever she wanted, and always got away with it. No real parental guidance- Paula began to feel angry. What Ashley really needed was someone to guide her, and not some fucking manager, but someone who could careless about her money and more about her. Like a mother.

"Go upstairs," She ordered softly brushing damp bangs from Ashley's tanned brow. "It's warmer up there than the basement. I don't think Spencer would mind if you stayed in her bed for awhile. I'll bring you something warm to drink while you're up there."

"Me too?" Caitlyn asked from the otherside of the room. She had planted herself on the couch with the TV on Dora.

Paula looked at her and nodded. "You too." The little blonde smiled her satisfactory and turned her attention back to the TV. Gray eyes returned back to brown.

"Y-you don't have to." Ashley argued her eyes following Paula's head shake.

"A cup of hot chocolate will help warm up that cold body of yours." She watched the rock star's hands as they rubbed up and down her arms. "Now head up to bed."

Ashley didn't move. "I-I need to get my wallet d-down stairs."

"Your wallet?" Paula questioned with confusion. And then it seemed to hit her a second later "Ashley you don't need to pay me a penny! Have you never been cared for for free?" She wondered outloud beginning to rethink Ashley's reality.

"Spencer."

Paula couldn't believe the one word answer as she stared into Ashley's honest brown eyes. She wasn't okay knowing Spencer was the only person that truly cared for her and not her money. For some reason, Paula couldn't accept the idea of it. Sure her daughter meant a lot to her but was that really enough? Was family not an issue at all with the young girl? Did she not crave a mother's love? A family she could turn to whenever she needed a shoulder to cry on? Whenever she needed help? Was her daughter really all that and more to her? The one word answer opened a flood gate of questions. "There's more to you than I'll ever know."

Ashley seemed confused by the words. "Is that a question?"

"No." Paula answered softly. "It's a statement." She cleared her throat. "Come with me to the kitchen. I have some medicine that'll help you fall asleep faster. That should help you."

Ashley nodded and followed her into the kitchen.

* * *

The sound of fingers rushing over a keyboard filled the room, the noise deaf to the person responsible for it. Spencer sat at the computer desk in her room. Her laptop was wide open, email page filling the screen, her eyes saw but didn't really focus on what she was doing. Her mind wasn't attached to the messages she read. Her mind was too busy obsessing over Aiden's words. His description of Pops' worsening condition painted a horrible picture in her head, chilling, saddening- her heart went out to the man who took her in and treated her like another daughter. Spencer's eyes closed a second longer than usual. Better than his daughter.

But he was sorry for it.

Aiden had made that perfectly clear, hell, he was a hairs breath away from death and he was just beginning to feel sorry for how he treated Ashley. Spencer wasn't sure of the extent of his bad parenting but it didn't take a rocket scientist to realize he did something wrong. Taking a small child from her mother, living on a bus, growing up around groupies, drugs- and then there was the sex. Ashley's life was surrounded by it.

Pops didn't do a good job raising Ashley, that much was obvious, but he was sorry. She wondered if Ashley would be able to accept his apology.

No.

She would never accept it. The name alone always put her girlfriend in a bad mood and she found great joy in her father's condition. Spencer nearly winced at the thought. Pops' death would be happy news for Ashley. She would be the one crying at the funeral, not her girlfriend. No. She could see Ashley standing near his casket laughing, cursing, hell, maybe even boasting, thrusting the fact that he was dead and she was still breathing in his pale face.

"Hey,"

Spencer turned her head and gasped when she noticed her girlfriend. The rock star walked towards her bed with purple lips and chattering teeth. Her hands still ran up and down her arms furiously, trying to generate heat, the rock star reached out for the bed sheets before her hand was taken by her girlfriend's. "Are you alright?"

Ashley met her concerned gaze, "N-not really." She answered honestly allowing her girlfriend to urge her into the bed. The warm thick comforter felt good against her shivering body but it didn't compare to the fingers running through her hair, messaging her scalp- her eyes were hypnotized shut as she focused on her girlfriend's tender touch.

"Oh Ashley," The words were whispered quietly. "You need to learn to take better care of yourself."

A kiss to a tanned brow followed the words. Ashley slightly frowned realizing her stupidity. "I'm not very good at that." She mumbled. "Am I?" Her eyes opened and she looked up at Spencer. The blonde shook her head moving down to kiss her girlfriend's face again. "Y-you should go back to the computer. Your mother will be here soon."

"I'm more worried about you than what my mother will think."

"I'm fine." Ashley insisted weakly. "Just cold."

"I see that." Spencer replied lightly running her finger over purple lips. Dipping her head, she whispered softly in her girlfriend's ear. "Let me in there and I'll warm you up with a nice, tender cuddle."

"And how would you explain cuddling with a drug addict to your mother?"

Spencer pulled back surprised. Her eyes bore down into her girlfriend's face. Her eyes were tightly closed, jaw still trembling, lips purple. "That's not how I see you. That's not how anyone sees you."

"Bullshit." Ashley murmured. "T-that's all I am to P-pops, all I am to Brenda, how I'll die."

"That's not what you are to me. I love you so much," Brown eyes opened and stared confusedly up at her. She almost seemed delirious to Spence, dizzy maybe, and very disoriented. "My darling girlfriend, I want you to fall asleep remembering I'm so deeply in love with you." She softly kissed her cheek. "I love you Ashley Davies, not a drug addict." she kissed her again. "Just Ashley."

"I know. " The rock star whispered as her eyes slowly began to close. "I love you too."

Spencer continued caressing her lover's face. Ashley was obviously under something strong. Spencer had no idea what her mother had given her but it was heavy. It didn't seem like Ashley was aware of her words but she did respond to everything she said. It bothered the blonde how hard her girlfriend was on herself. Ashley was gorgeous to her but to Ashley, she was disgusting and not worthy of anything good. Did her parents make her feel like that? She wondered as her fingers moved over soft skin. It puzzled her how the skin on her face was so perfect. Drug addicts usually had terrible skin, but then again, Ashley wasn't your average middle class drug addict. She was rich and could afford the best skin care products along with the worst drugs.

A sound at the door caught Spencer's attention. She slowly turned her head and met her mother's gaze as she walked into the room carrying a coffee cup. "I brought her some hot chocolate." Paula placed the cup on the night stand as Spencer stood up.

"She fell asleep pretty fast." Spencer commented staring down at Ashley. "Whatever you gave her really worked." She walked over to the computer desk and took a seat. Staring at her mother she added. "Aiden was here earlier today."

"Oh yeah? How's he doing?"

"He's good." Spencer answered briefly. "He invited us over to his place for Christmas. They're having a party."

"You, Ashley, and Denny can go for sure. I'll have to see how Caitlyn feels before I can consider going."

"She's doing a lot better since the transplant."

"Yeah." Paula agreed. "She's recovering a lot faster than I had guessed." She looked over at Ashley. "Her too. It doesn't look like she ripped through a box of grape Popsicles anymore." She looked back over at Spencer who was nodding her head in agreement. "I'm going to get started on dinner. I'll call you two when it's ready."

"Alright. Thank you Mom, love you."

"Love you too sweetie."

Spencer watched her mother leave before getting up to close door. Locking it, she turned around, leaned back against it, and watched Ashley sleep. Her jaw still trembled weakly, it was barely noticeable, Spencer slowly approached the sleeping rock star and knelt down. Her eyes examined every detail of her lover's face. The clear, smooth skin always put her in a state of awe. Ashley was amazingly beautiful to her, no other girl could compare, even her lover's voice was special, making her heart flutter at every whisper near her ear. She ran her finger down her cheek knowing no one would ever replace Ashley. There would be no one else like the woman in her bed in her life. It was impossible. Leaning forward, she placed a lingering kiss on her lover's brow thinking Ashley, and only Ashley, would ever have her heart.

* * *

Her vision was blurry, blinking several times, it cleared as her eyes adjusted to the soft lighting in the room. Her heart was pounding in her chest,swallowing hard, she gritted her teeth in frustration as she recovered from another memory. They all effected her mentally. She thought it was fucked up how they randomly invaded her mind, ruining a peaceful sleep. The cocaine was supposed to make her forget, and it did, but what was buried long ago was now being revealed in sunlight. She hated it. She hated thinking about her first time with Mike. It made her sick. She was 15 and ignorant to prove she wouldn't like dick after sleeping with Samantha. Mike had convinced her he could fuck her better than any girl, turn her straight, and make her his. She took up his challenge, snorted cocaine, and went into the back room with him. The thought made her stomach churn, Ashley refused to relive it again. With a sigh, she moved, preparing to get off the bed, and then froze when she noticed the body holding hers. Her body immediately went limp against the warmth caressing her small frame. Spencer's arm lied protectively over her abdomen, Ashley moved her hand over her girlfriend's, stroking the soft perfect skin she found there. A smile crossed her lips the more she relaxed against Spencer, she felt secure and loved, happy, she wanted the feeling to last forever, but she knew better than that. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew it would never last forever. A strong wave of doubt fell over her as she caressed her girlfriend's hand lovingly. How long would things stay perfect? Nothing in her life lasted long, especially the things that made her happy.

Ashley smiled bitterly.

Negativity always wrapped up her thoughts. Even as she laid content in her beautiful lover's arms, she pictured the end of their relationship. Why couldn't she smile and convince herself everything will be okay with her and Spencer? Convince herself that they were going to be together forever? Even if it was a lie, it was still positive, it was still better than picturing the end. But it was also foreign to her. Nothing in her life turned out that great. Absolutely nothing.

Why would Spencer be any different?

Ashley slipped out of bed without waking her slumbering girlfriend. She walked out of the room silently and continued down to the basement. Her mind seemed almost blank as she grabbed her cell phone and flipped it open. She had new text messages and voice mails. The urge to throw the cell phone aside and walk away was strong. Ashley didn't want to hear from anyone outside the safe confines of her new 'home.' It was strange how she beginning to feel at home in her girlfriend's family's house. She hadn't known any of them for that long and yet, she liked them more than her own family.

She almost laughed out loud at the thought. It was far from the truth. Kyla was her family, and only Kyla. Everyone else didn't matter to her. Not even Brenda. Ashley's eyes scanned text message after text message, reading but not really processing the words. She had no reason to care about her mother. Her mother abandoned her without any reason at all. She had no excuses. She lived in a beautiful house, came from a rich family, and would have had her father's child support check for the extra help.

"Fuck her," Ashley spat while listening to her voice messages. She never hated her mother, if anything, she always felt guilty when the older woman entered her thoughts. She felt like a major disappointment around her mother, far from lovable, because of her drug use and sexual appetite. But the guilt was now replaced with rage.

Her mother had always known about the drugs and not once did she care enough to help her. The more she dwelled on it, the angrier she became. Her thoughts paused as Mike's voice floated through her mind. His voice message was short and simple. He invited her to a party and then asked, 'where are you?' Ashley knew partying was completely out of the question. Partying with Mike meant doing drugs and having sex- it wasn't something Spencer would approve of. The rock star closed her phone. Did she want to party with Mike? A part of her craved the carelessness that came with going to a party. Dancing, snorting coke, having sex- it made her feel normal. In a party, she was just another body, to some people, she was a celebrity they wanted to fuck, but that was it. She wasn't even Ashley at these parties, she was just nobody and she loved it. Ashley shook her head and walked out of the room. She would never feel like that again. She had to vow and promise and pray that she'll never slip back into bad habits. The drugs will not only destroy her.

They'd destroy Spencer.

* * *

Dinner came and went in a blink of an eye. Ashley watched her plate being taken away by Paula. "You didn't eat very much. Are you sure you're feeling better?" The rock star looked over her shoulder and made eye contact with the older woman. "I feel fine. Thank you Ms. Paula." The older blonde had trouble believing her but decided to let it go and continue on into the kitchen. Ashley had only picked at her food, was quiet during dinner, and had this distant look in her eyes. The older blonde wondered about her family. Why wasn't she spending the holidays with them? She didn't mind Ashley being in their home, she just found it odd that Ashley chose them over her family to spend Christmas with. She didn't want to think of all the possibilities. Especially the one that seemed most likely. She stopped thinking about it, smiled, and headed into the family room where Spencer and Caitlyn set up the board game.

Scrabble had always been one of her favorite games. She knew Arthur and everyone else also enjoyed it. Well, almost everyone. She didn't know how Ashley felt about the game. She looked over at the rock star. She sat next to Denny on the couch talking quietly to him. They paused their conversation as she walked over to them. "So Ashley, are you a fan of scrabble?" She voiced her curiosity.

Ashley looked confused for a second and then caught sight of the game her girlfriend was setting up. Scrabble was the board game they were about to play. She had never heard of it before that night, looking back at Paula, she simply answered, "I've never played it before."

"Oh." Paula answered unexpectedly.

Ashley noticed her surprise. "My Dad wasn't too big on board games."

The older blonde saw the statement as a way into the rock star's personal life. She couldn't deny her curiosity. She wanted to know more about Ashley's family life. "What about your mother-" Paula stopped as Ashley snorted.

"I wouldn't know. I don't know anything about Brenda. Even her birthday is a complete mystery to me."

Spencer looked over at Ashley. Her voice didn't hold any anger, it was quiet and smooth, casual, but Spencer could tell her girlfriend was angry. She sat staring down at her fiddling hands, jaw clenched, shoulders taunt. "The game is ready." She interrupted her mother from speaking. The conversation was obviously bothering her girlfriend. She didn't understand why but figured it had something to do with Brenda. Had Ashley talked to her? She wondered. Her mother was leaving her messages to call her back, did she finally contact her?

"I think I'll skip out." Denny said watching Paula explain the game to Ashley.

The older blonde looked at him. "Denny you're part of this family, why not be part of the game?"

He shrugged. "This game got boring the first thousandth time we've played. Uncle Arthur doesn't have to sit through it, why do I?"

Spencer looked at her mother. "Dad's not playing?" She asked curiously. Her father had been quiet during dinner, him and Ashley were both in their own worlds, the blonde couldn't help but worry about them. "He's the one who enforces these family fun nights."

"Your father is just tired." Paula answered convincingly knowing Arthur was still reeling from their earlier conversation. She looked back over at Denny. "Come on and get set up we're about to start."

"Come on Denny!" Caitlyn pushed when her brother refused to move. "Play with us!"

Denny chuckled and moved with an eye roll. "Fine. But that doesn't mean I'm going to have fun."

"You're playing Scramble with Ashley Davies." Spencer reminded playfully. "It's bound to ooze fun."

Ashley met Spencer's gaze and forced a smile. "Yeah, you'll all have fun making fun of the newbie."

The game started and Ashley quickly caught on to the rules. The game was surprisingly easy and fun. Ashley sat on the couch next to Denny, the game was set up on the coffee table, Paula sat on the other couch across from Ashley while Spencer and Caitlyn sat on their knees on the floor. Laughs quickly filled the room as the atmosphere became fun and playful. In the end, Paula won due to her doctor vocabulary. The rock star didn't know half of the words she used but assumed they existed. After helping Spencer pack the game up, everyone began saying their good nights. Ashley watched Paula give both Denny and Spencer kisses on their cheeks and was surprised when the older blonde leaned in and gave her one too. Spencer quickly followed, whispering a good night, she kissed the opposite cheek and followed her mother and cousin upstairs.

"It's just me and you now." Denny said playfully watching Ashley turn her attention toward him. "Let's have a penetration party!"

Ashley grinned. "Only if I can do the penetrating."

The two headed toward the basement with silly grins on their faces. Ashley was beginning to love Denny's company. He always seemed to put her in a good mood with his weird jokes and wide smiles. He was different than most of her other guy friends. She could have a good time with him sober, he didn't think of her sexually, and they were both gay and into guitars. "You can penetrate me anytime Ashley Davies." Stepping off the last step he turned and met her gaze. "Are you tired yet?"

The rock star nodded. "Pretty tired."

"How?!" The boy asked loudly. "All you and Spencer do is sleep! You two remind me of ferrets. Just sleeping all the time."

Ashley chuckled. "What the hell are ferrets?"

"Cute rat, cat, dog looking things." He answered with his own chuckle. "Why do you two sleep so much?" He asked getting back on subject. "And are you two really sleeping when you guys sleep?" He pushed suggestively.

"What else would we be doing?" Ashley answered with a question of her own.

"You want some hand gestures?" He asked making a 'V' with his two fingers.

"That's quite alright." Ashley answered and then became serious. "All we do is sleep Denny. You have no idea how tiring touring is." Especially when you're doing drugs and never sleeping.

"I would love to have an idea." He quickly replied. "You know I want more than anything to experience that. Playing my music all over the country, hell, maybe even all over the world. I want that more than anything Ashley."

Ashley could see and hear the determination in his voice. She never felt the same way about being a rock star. If anything, she wished she had lived her sister's or Denny's life. A normal life. "I know you do Denny. Just don't give up, don't do drugs, and graduate. We'll see what happens when you finish school."

"That's fair." He replied brightly. "You need to hear me and the guys play sometime. I think you'll be proud."

"You've been able to impress me so far. I'm more than willing to listen to your band play."

"Awesome. We'll have to set up a play date when I'm not grounded anymore."

"You don't have any CD's?" She asked curiously.

The brown haired teen nodded. "Yeah but I want you to hear the real, raw, live stuff first."

"Sounds great." She replied with a yawn. "Is this the part where I lean in, kiss your cheek and say good night?"

Denny laughed. "I'll settle for a hug."

Ashley easily complied and hugged the taller boy. "Good night Denny." She said while letting go of him.

"Night Ashley."

* * *

Spencer quietly opened the door, slipped inside the room, and then closed it behind her. There was a tiny window at the top of one of the walls, the sunlight strained to fill the room with its essence, gray eyes fell on the bed. Ashley's body was hidden under a thick, white comforter, and only strands of hair could be seen peeking out from underneath. Spencer walked over to her sleeping lover and moved on to the mattress. It was very early in the morning, around 6 or 7, and the second the sun awoke, her eyes had shot open, the urge to be with girlfriend drowned her thoughts, urged her out of bed, and guided her down to the basement, to her rock star.

Grasping the edge of the comforter, the blonde eased herself underneath it and slowly moved closer to her sleeping girlfriend. Spencer wasn't surprised to find her girlfriend sleeping nude, it was more of a shock to find her sleeping with clothes. The rock star slept facing her, reaching out, Spencer began lightly stroking the skin on her face, running her index finger down her smooth cheek, it wasn't long before brown eyes greeted her. "Hey," Spencer whispered as her hand continued caressing her face.

Ashley didn't say a word as her hand rose up to her face, covering her girlfriend's, it moved down. Her tanned hand took hold of her wrist, thumb briefly stroking the smooth skin, Ashley watched the curiosity and wonder fall over her girlfriend's face. A ghost of a smile kissed her lips, she sensually moved forward pinning her girlfriend's hand next to her smiling face, she hovered over her, letting her forehead fall to meet Spencer's. "Hey." She whispered back allowing their breaths to mingle. Their eyes stayed locked, Ashley brought her lips to brush against her love's, sampling a brief kiss. "Did you sleep well?" She asked freeing her lover's wrist.

"It could have been better." She moved up and captured Ashley's lips, her hands sliding down her back, exploring the warm skin they found there.

"How could it have been better?" She breathed between kisses. The feel of Spencer's breasts against her own was driving her crazy, the hands on her back increasing her arousal, she kissed down her neck, placing her thigh firmly between her girlfriend's legs.

Spencer gasped unexpectedly at the contact. "You could have been sleeping next to me," Her hips began to slowly rock against her lover, "But I wouldn't have gotten any sleep, would I?"

"Do you really have to ask?" Ashley smirked before moving up to take her lips again. The kiss was passionate, fast, and only intensified when the rock star's tongue entered her girlfriend's mouth. Their tongues danced sensually against each other as Ashley's hand began kneading Spencer's breast through her shirt. Spencer moaned into the kiss feeling her nipple harden against her lover's hand, thankful she decided to sleep without a bra the night before.

"I want it off," The words were ragged, spoken against moist lips, Ashley's eyes open as she grasped the hem of her girlfriend's night shirt. The thin white hello kitty tank top was eased off her girlfriend with little effort. Throwing it aside, brown eyes focused on the marvelous body beneath their gaze. Her hand reached out and began skimming the perfect fair skin, Ashley watched gray eyes flutter shut as her fingertips slid across an aroused nipple. "Gorgeous," She whispered dipping her head. Using her teeth, tongue and lips, she tasted and nibbled her way down the sleek expanse. Nipping lightly at the hollow of her throat, she moved down and hovered over her other nipple. Looking up, she began teasing the hardened bud with her tongue, lightly flicking it while her fingers continued to caress the other.

Spencer's hands roamed over her warm tanned back as her body arched, offering more of her breasts to the rock star. All the attention on her body was driving her mad with arousal. The pounding between her legs was all she could think of as her hips began moving more fervently against her girlfriend. "You feel wonderful, my love." Ashley breathed near her ear, "I love you so much." She added kissing the skin beneath her ear. The rock star continued kissing down her jaw feeling her lover's hands lower. They ran over her bottom and stopped at the top of her thigh, pulling her closer to her aching need, Ashley kissed her a final time and then looked into her flushed face. Gray eyes were tightly shut, swollen lips parted, her breaths came in quick quiet pants, Ashley began moving harder against her lover, feeling her wetness coat her skin. "Look at me, love." Gray eyes fluttered open, passion and desire pooled deeply in hooded gray eyes, mirroring Ashley's brown. "God I love you so much," She rasped bringing both her legs to settle between Spencer's. The rock star urged the blonde's legs wider, their wet mounds coming into contact, Ashley gasped as her lover began slowly moving against her, closing her eyes, she began moving back, nearing the edge.

"Open your eyes Ashley." The rock star did so and met dark gray orbs. There was a small subtle smile on her lover's lips as they began moving faster. Ashley leaned forward and took her lover's smile, kissing her deeply, she moved one of her hands down and parted her and then her lover's lips, causing their clits to make direct contact. "God Ashley," Spencer moaned arching her back into her lover's quick, blissful thrusts. Ashley groaned deeply as she felt her orgasm near, "Cum with me, Baby, God, cum with me." She panted staring deeply into her lover' eyes.

The intensity of her gaze and her raw, ragged voice immediately pushed the blonde over the edge. Closing her eyes, she screamed her lover's name as wave after wave of bliss washed over her. Moments that seemed like years to the teens passed before they were both nothing more than a pile of exhausted, limp limbs. Ashley's head tiredly fell on her lover's chest as she continued lightly panting. It wasn't long before she felt her lover's hand playing in her damp hair. "Tomorrow's Christmas, Baby." The blonde softly stated fingering her lover's auburn hair. "Aiden invited us to his mother's house for Christmas. They're having a party."

"Mmm," Ashley hummed sleepily. "What kind of parties does Aiden throw?" She asked yawning.

"There all pretty casual. His last Christmas party was fun. It's a fun mix of teens, adults and children. Music playing, friends hanging out. His mother lives in a pretty big house on a pretty big farm so it won't be crowded. We'll have fun."

Ashley didn't give it much thought. Aiden's parties were most likely clean- no drugs, no whores, no Mike- it wouldn't be an issue for her. Plus, Spencer would be at her side. She was looking forward to it. "Sounds good. Can't wait."

* * *

Denny walked inside the kitchen and wasn't surprised to see Spencer and Ashley missing from the kitchen table. He looked at the clock and wondered how the two girls could sleep so late. It was near noon and the girls had yet to make an appearance. "What are we eating?" He asked curiously taking a seat across from Arthur. His little sister sat next to him chewing on a slice of pizza. His face lit up. "Alright, pizza. Where'd you get it from?" He asked shooting up from his seat to get his own slice.

"The freezer." Paula chuckled walking to the table with her own slice.

The disappointment on Denny's face was noticeable as he got his own slice. "Yum. I just love frozen pizza." His voice was all sarcasm, Arthur responded with his own sarcasm. "Maybe you can use your magical powers to get someone to come out here in this weather with a nice, newly baked pizza."

The boy smiled evilly. "Don't worry, I'll have that ability sooner or later." He took a bite out of his pizza. "Who can turn down America's next big thing?"

"America's next big thing?" Arthur wondered out loud meeting his gaze. "What do you mean by that?"

"What I mean is, my days of frozen pizza will soon be replaced with better day. Days filled with hot, fresh, Dominoes pizza." He took another bite. "I'll be the next big thing. Me and the guys."

Arthur laughed. "You and the guys? You're not actually going to try and make a career out of music, are you?" Denny nodded staring at his uncle. "Oh God Denny, what kind of future is that?" He asked harshly. "I thought we were sending you to law school?"

"I never said I wanted to do that!" The tall boy argued. "I want to write and play music for a living. What's so wrong with that?"

"Everything!" Arthur answered loudly with Ashley on his mind. The teenage girl didn't represent anything good. His fist clenched unconsciously at the thought of the rock star corrupting his children's mind. First Spencer, now Denny?! He was beginning to regret allowing Ashley to stay in his home. The girl was nice, polite, and an amazing cook, but that didn't matter. She was also full of sin. "Denny that lifestyle is not for you."

"What do you mean not for me? It's what I want to do!" He yelled.

"Enough you two!" Paula cut in watching the girls walk into the kitchen. They both had very confused expressions on their faces. Arthur looked at Ashley and then Spencer. They were both freshly showered and dressed. He looked away not wanting to wonder if they had showered together or not. The obvious answer was yes.

"I'm going over to Billy's." He stood up from the table and ignored everyone as he walked out of the room.

The silence that followed was thick and awkward.

"What was that about?" Spencer asked shattering the silence. No one in the room looked happy, even Caitlyn's small young face seemed disrupted. The blonde looked at her mother for answers.

"Your father's just going through something right now." She explained poorly. The explanation wasn't enough for Spencer. She knew something serious was wrong. "Well, what is he going through?" She questioned further. Her mother sighed. "I don't know, Spencer. I just don't know." She lied standing from her seat. "Lets go watch some Dora, Honey." she told a now very excited Caitlyn."YAY Dora!" The little girl yelled following her mother out the kitchen.

"Man, there is something seriously wrong that guy." Denny commented sourly. "I can't believe he actually wants to send me to law school! What the hell is up with that?"

"Is that the conversation we were walking in on?" Spencer asked wanting answers.

The tall teenager threw his plate in the trash and then turned to look at his cousin. "You walked in on Uncle Arthur telling me to go to law school instead of pursuing my dream." He laughed bitterly. "I don't get it. He's letting you do it! Why can't I?"

Spencer sighed. "It wasn't easy convincing him to let me go, Den. It took a lot of pleading and begging from both Mom and Dad. If Aiden weren't on the same tour they wouldn't have let me gone. Just stay strong, I'm sure Dad will warm up to the idea."

"Yeah I hope so." He ran a hand through his long hair. "Are you guys just getting up?" He asked changing the subject.

"Well, no," Spencer answered moving towards the pizza on the counter. "We showered first."

Denny's wide eyes found Ashley's. The rock star smirked and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. He shook his head in disbelief. "I didn't hear the upstairs shower going. Did you guys take one together?" He looked at his cousin. The blonde faced him with a slice of pizza in her hands. "Yeah, no big deal. Girls shower together all the time." She blew out casually feeling the beginnings of a blush paint her cheeks. Images of her and Ashley in the shower together played in her mind. She remembered the rock star's hands and mouth on her body. How she pinned her up against the cold tile wall- "Spencer?" The blonde's eyes snapped up and met her girlfriend's amused gaze. "You completely zoned out." The rock star grinned. "Where'd you go?" Spencer looked over and met her cousin's expecting gaze. He stood next to Ashley waiting for her to answer. "I didn't go anywhere. I was just thinking." She moved away from the two and took a seat at the table. Spencer began eating her pizza, chewing a small amount, she looked at Ashley. "Grab a slice and come join me." She playfully requested. "I could use some company."

"Right, because you're soooo lacking Ashley's attention." Denny teased. "Was seeing her naked, wet, and soapy not enough company for you?" He laughed. "Any closer and you two will be scizzoring."

"Wouldn't be the first time." The rock star mumbled walking past the tall teen.

"What?!" He exclaimed staring at her retreating form.

Ashley took a seat at the table with a small smile. Her eyes fell on the blonde sitting next to her. Her gray eyes were casted down at her plate as she blushed furiously. Brown eyes moved and fell on Denny's shocked face. "What did you just say?" He asked with curiosity lacing his deep voice. The rock star shrugged and mocked confusion. "I have no idea what you're talking about." Ashley looked at her food, reaching out to grab the small slice of pizza, she stopped when she heard her cell phone go off.

"Who is it?" Denny asked watching the rock star flip open her cell phone.

"I don't know." The rock star answered standing. She immediately walked out of the room and out the front door. "Hello?"

The tall teenager turned his head. "Who was that?"

Spencer looked at him. "I don't know." She continued eating. The urge to stand up and follow her lover was strong. She had a feeling the phone call didn't mean anything good. The look on her lover's face said it all. She wondered if the call had anything to do with Pops. Was he...dead?

"Spencer." She looked up at her cousin again. "You completely zoned out." He grinned at his impression of Ashley. It slowly died when he noticed the sober look on her face. "Hey, what's wrong?" As if reading her mind, he added, "You don't think it's about her Dad, do you?"

"It could be about anything." She reminded herself and Denny. "I pray to god it's not that phone call."

"Will that phone call kill Ashley?" He asked with all seriousness.

Spencer thought deeply about the question. She had thought about it before, asked herself the same thing more than once. How would Pops' death affect Ashley? Would it bother her at all? Surely it would impact her somehow, the blonde just didn't know how. And then there was herself. She knew Pops' death would make her incredibly sad, she didn't want him to die, in fact, she wanted more than anything to hop on a plane and hold the older man's hand. "I can't answer that." She replied honestly. "But it'll kill me."

* * *

Her knuckles were white from the grip she had on the phone. All the muscles in her thin frame tense, the blood running through her veins boiling, her jaw locked as the voice invaded her mind, going on and on, rambling about the one person she hated the most. Pops. What nerve the woman had calling and assuming she cared anything about the old man, about her father's sickness. The words flying out of her sobbing mouth hardly registered in her mind, the only thing she was aware of was the pounding in her chest, the anger increasing her blood pressure, the adrenaline she felt from it all. "Ashley, Baby you have to see him. You just have to-"

"I don't have to do a fucking thing you tell me to do." She snarled cutting off her mother. It was the second thing she had said after a very timid hello. The urge to ignore another one of her mother's calls was strong, but she ignored it and decided to see what the bitch wanted. A feral grin painted her lips. "How does that sound coming from your 'Baby?' I'm surprised you're even crying for the bastard. You should be happy. You get a cut of the life insurance."

She was met with silence, her words having put her mother in a state of shock, stopping the tears from flowing. "H-how- Ashley we need to talk."

"I don't want to talk to you." The rock star replied harshly. "You've had plenty of time to talk to me." She bitterly reminded. "It's too late now." Stepping off the porch, she added, "I don't think I can tolerate your voice anymore, or your presence. In fact, I never want to see you again."

"What did I do wrong?" Brenda desperately demanded. "I'm just trying-"

"Trying? Trying to what? God you fucking bitch you never tried to do anything with me!" Her self control was slowly slipping away, consumed by anger. "You were never there for me! Not even when I was snorting cocaine every night and fucking every whore I came across! You never offered to do anything! Why weren't you there for me?! Why weren't you ever fucking there for me?!" Her voice cracked, arm began to tremble, breathing quicken- she was beyond angry. "Answer me!" She demanded furiously.

"I thought you were in good hands." Her mother answered helplessly, the sadness evident in her voice.

Standing in the middle of the cold, snowy, lawn, Ashley let her head fall back, face tilted up toward the sky, she took a deep, shaky breath. "The last 3 years Brenda, since I was 15 years old. That's been my life. Cocaine, sex, and depression. You never once tried to help me, not only did you ignore me, but you fucking banned me from your life for it. Instead of wanting to help me, your 'Baby,' you ignored me-"

"Ashley-"

"No!" She quickly cut her off, her voice losing its calmness once again. "I hate the sound of your voice, just shut the fuck up and listen to me. I haven't done anything in over two weeks, I've had a lot of time to think with my new sober mind. I used to feel guilty, disgusting, and worthless around you because of the drugs. But I'm fucking done feeling guilty. I want you to go through that hell. There was no reason for you to give me up to Dad, not one fucking reason and you did it anyway. Just gave me up. And look at me now. I'm a total fuck up and you've never cared enough to help me through anything. I hate your fucking guts and don't expect a visit from me when it's your turn on the hospital bed." She laughed bitterly. "You really think I'm going to go see that mother fucker?! You think I give a fuck that he's dying?! I could careless." Her eyes opened. "Give Kyla my love." She murmured before closing the phone.

* * *

Her eyes burned from the strain of keeping them open and focusing on her fast moving fingers. She watched them move over the thin, silver strings, the glorious music filling the room deaf to her ears. She couldn't hear anything, her mind was completely blank, even the pain in her arms were nothing more than a numb sensation. She couldn't feel anything as she sat on the bed in the basement playing her guitar. Two hours earlier, after getting off the phone with her mother, she felt raw and alive, her anger was still there, but she felt more satisfied than anything else. Walking into the kitchen, she stood near the doorway and briefly talked to Spencer and Denny. Reassuring them she was okay, lying about the phone call, and then quickly leaving. She needed to do something with the emotions she was feeling. All she could think about standing in the kitchen with her beautiful girlfriend, staring into her gorgeous gray eyes, lying to her face, was fucking her. Ashley closed her eyes tightly, feeling them burn, she began to play harder. The thought scared her. She wanted more than anything to lead Spencer into the bedroom, throw her on the bed, tear off her clothes and fuck her senseless.

"You've been playing for over an hour."

The rock star looked up, her fingers never pausing, she met her lover's gray eyes. "You've been watching me for over an hour. You enjoying the show?" Spencer lied with her head on the foot of the bed, her feet near the headboard watching her girlfriend. Ashley sat next to her against the headboard with a black acoustic guitar on her lap. There was something different about her, Spencer realized. She seemed almost tense, her eyes looking for trouble, her voice sarcastic- Spencer didn't know what to think.

"You seem upset-"

"Then come over her and make me feel better." She challenged coldly.

The change in attitude took Spencer by surprise and then there were those brown eyes hypnotizing her. She could see how much Ashley wanted her, it was so clearly visible in her gaze, in her voice- Spencer sat up and moved to her. The rock star's fingers slowed and then stopped. Spencer reached out, gently cupped her face, and closed her eyes. Her face slowly moved forward, her lips touching Ashley's. The kiss was slow and tender at first, their lips lightly brushing against each other, and then Ashley smoothly removed the guitar off her lap, blindly placing it on the ground. Her hand shot up to Spencer's face, stroking the fair skin, she deepened the kiss. Her tongue pushed passed supple lips, desperation expressed as they kissed harder. Finally, they broke apart, opening their eyes, "Do you feel better?"

"No." Ashley answered moving forward to take her lips again. She eased the blonde on her back and then covered her body with her own, their mouths moving more eagerly as tongues danced and breasts pressed together. Spencer savored the pleasure she was receiving from her lover but there was something keeping her from fully giving into it. There was something bothering Ashley, and the thought bothered her. She wanted more than anything to get inside the rock star's head. "Baby," She breathed turning her head away from persistent lips. Ashley ignored the plea and continued down her neck, her hand taking hold of her left breast. "Ashley." She tried again wrapping her hand around her wrist. The rock star paused and then looked up at her with annoyance. "What's wrong, Baby? Please tell me."

The left side of her lips tilted up in a small, half smile. Ashley moved up, placing her hands on each side of Spencer's head, she mounted one of her lover's thigh and firmly placed one of hers against her sex. "You're right," She lowered herself, "There is a problem." She softly kissed Spencer's lips, "You," She kissed her chin and then cheek. "Your mouth," She moved to her ear, "It's keeping you from enjoying me." She sucked lightly on a fleshly lobe as her hips began moving, seductively teasing Spencer. "Don't think," She whispered, "Just feel."

"Ash-" Her mouth stopped moving as she watched Ashley sit up. Still straddling her thigh, the rock star reached down, grabbing the hem of her shirt, she removed it in one quick motion. Her head fell back as she reached up and cupped her breasts, playing with her nipples through her bra. Spencer lied motionless watching her touch herself while her hips continued moving against her thigh. The blonde couldn't deny the sexy scene was arousing her to no end. Her concern with Ashley was soon forgotten as desire corrupted her thinking. Reaching out, she ran her fingertips over Ashley's hip bones and down to the button of her jeans. Undoing them with one hand, she sat up and unclasped her bra with the other.

The rock star helped remove the bra and then cupped the side of Spencer's face. The kiss was hard and passionate as hands began to wonder over various body parts. The blonde's hand hovered over an aroused dark nipple, Ashley whimpered as she felt her nipple between two fingers, she moved away from the kiss and placed her mouth on Spencer's shoulder, gently biting while feeling her lover pinch and pull at the hardened bud. "Take it off." She breathed against her ear pulling at the material of her shirt. Ashley moved off Spencer and helped removed her shirt and bra, her mouth found her lover's again as she unbuttoned her jeans and pulled down the zipper. "I want you so bad, Spence." She huskily confessed as her hooded eyes gazed into gray, her hand slipping in the front of her jeans, into her underwear, teasing a very sensitive clit. Their lips brushed against each other as Spencer gasped and panted, their warm breaths mingling. The two girls sat on their knees, Ashley kissed her lover's cheek and then moved down her neck, biting and kissing along the smooth expanse as her hand moved faster against her lover's wet sex. "Ashley, Ashley, Ashley," Was all her lover could chant as she nibbled down to her nipple and played with her pussy. "Baby, Baby-" The blonde pleaded on the edge of an orgasm and feeling her lover's hand leave her.

The rock star kissed her hard urging her on her back, she quickly removed her jeans and panties, then settled herself between her open legs, thrusting her hips against her wetness. "Ashley," She whimpered turning her head away from her lips. The rock star kissed her face several times as her hips began moving faster against her, "Baby," Spencer pleaded placing her hands on her body to stop her, the sensation becoming to much for her take. The rock grabbed her wrist and pinned her hand up above her head enjoying the sound of her lover's loud pleasureful moans and breathless pants. Burying her face in Spencer's flustered neck, she began sucking on the skin closest to her mouth, pumping faster and harder against her. "Ashley!" The blonde cried out as she arched her back and came, her body quivering all over as Ashley continued to thrust against her sopping pussy, her lips kissing and sucking on her neck. With three slow, sensual thrusts, she stopped and lifted her head. Spencer's face was red, damp, and her breathing quick as she tried to catch her breath. Tremors continued to wrack her body as her eyes stayed closed. Ashley kissed one side of her face lovingly while she released her lover's wrist and brought her hand down to caress the other. "Did you like that?" The hand on her lover's face slowly began to move down a flushed neck, over a taunt nipple, down a smooth abdomen, and into blonde damp hair. "You're so wet." Ashley moaned in her ear as her fingers stroked up and down her slick lips. "I need to taste you." She added moving off her girlfriend. Ashley quickly removed the rest of her clothing, moving forward, she took Spencer's lips in a brief kiss before running her lips down her jaw and neck.

Spencer weakly propped herself up on her elbows and looked down, watching the rock star kiss and suck down her body. The scene was very erotic and had major effects on her throbbing center. She moved her hand down and began stroking Ashley's hair as she teased her inner thighs with her lips; kissing, sucking, and licking the sensitive skin. "Oh God," She gasped throwing her head back as she felt her lover's tongue brush against her clit.

The rock star looked up watching the quick rise and fall of Spencer's chest as her mouth invaded more of her wetness. The blonde began moving eagerly against her tongue as she ran it up and down her slit, sucking briefly on her labia, she sat up and placed her hand over her sex, running circles over clit. "You taste so good, love." She began moving her hand faster enjoying Spencer's cries and whimpers. "I could lick you all day." She moved up her lover's body and kissed her hard. "You're too loud though." She murmured lifting her hand. "Baby, please. Don't stop, please-" Ashley silenced her with another kiss. "Don't worry, you'll come. I'll make you come my love. But first, taste yourself." Ashley gently eased her two fingers into her lover's mouth, feeling her tongue swirl all around them, she could tell the blonde loved it by the look on her face, "Good, isn't it?" She didn't wait for the blonde to answer before replacing her fingers with her lips. They kissed passionately, nearly bruising the other's lips as their tongues came together and danced. "Oh God!" Spencer moaned against Ashley's lips as she felt her lover enter her with two fingers.

"Mmm, you feel soo good," Ashley moaned into her mouth. "Nice and tight." She added as her lover shuddered under her and velvet walls tightened around her slender fingers. "I love seeing you like this, I love hearing you say my name so breathlessly. You make me so hot." She panted in her ear as Spencer began desperately meeting her thrusts.

"Oh...God...Ashley." She gasped feeling the rock star's thumb on her clit. Ashley kissed and sucked the skin on her neck as her finger brought her lover closer to the edge, she gently bit down when she felt her lover raise her thigh against her throbbing need, rubbing it. "Ashley," Spencer moaned feeling her love's wetness against her thigh. "You feel good, Baby. Soooo good."

"Fuck!" Ashley groaned deeply moving against the thigh between her legs, she began sucking hard on her lovers neck to keep from crying out while moving her wet fingers in and out of her lover, her thumb moving quickly over a hard, sensitive nub. "Ashley...Ashley...Ashley..." Her lover panted as her fingers rubbed a sensitive clit between quivering thighs and thrashing hips. "Spencer!" The rock star cried out when she felt the blonde replace her thigh with her hand, furiously rubbing her clit. "Oh fuck, Spencer," She moaned against her neck on the brink of an orgasm.

The room was filled with the scent of their sex, the loud cries of each other's name, and their fast shallow breathing. The blonde placed her free hand on her lover's back and impaled her fingernails into her tanned damp skin as she cried out," Ashley!" Feeling wave after wave of a powerful orgasm consume her. Ashley quickly followed screaming out Spencer's name as her orgasm overtook her body, causing every muscle in her body to freeze until she collapsed against her lover quivering. Spencer immediately held her tightly against her as they laid spent. Her eyes stayed closed as she felt Ashley place light lazy kisses on her neck. "I love you, Ashley." She murmured running her hands up and down her back.

The rock star lifted her head and captured her lips in a slow deep kiss. "I love you, too." She whispered opening her eyes and meeting her lover's honest gray orbs. "Tell me what's wrong," The blonde cupped one side of Ashley's face and began wiping away the lazy tears spilling from her eyes. The rock star closed her eyes and buried her face in Spencer's neck, her tears continuing to silently fall. "I don't want to talk about it right now." She mumbled against her skin. "Not ever." She mouthed to herself. "Then we won't talk," Spencer gently reassured stroking her damp hair as she cried quietly against her. Her comfort soon lured Ashley's into a deep, tiring sleep. The same could not be said for her. She stayed up thinking about the woman in her arms, wondering what her problem could be. She listed all the possibilities and sighed when she realized how long the list was. Deciding to just be patient, she fell asleep praying Ashley would want to talk soon.

* * *

A knock on the door awoke the two slumbering teens. Ashley groggily moved off her girlfriend and collasped face first onto a nearby pilllow. "Yeah?!" Spencer called out half asleep. She was not ready to be awake again. Her whole body was exhausted, including her mind. "You coming to Dinner?" Denny asked on the other side of the door. "I can't believe you guys are actually sleeping again." She heard him mutter under his breath. "Mmm," Spencer groaned realizing how long they were in the basement. She could only imagine what her parents thought they were doing. "We'll be there in a sec." She replied yawning. She heard Denny walk away and then sat up. Turning her head, she gazed down at her sleeping girlfriend. The rock star slept on her stomach with her head facing away from her. "Ashley, Baby you need to wake up." She quietly said fingering the pink scratches on her back. They were right under her shoulder blade, Spencer leaned forward and placed light kisses over them. "Mmm," She heard the rock star hum. "Wake up, love." She whispered in her ear. "My parents are going to start wondering about us. We spend a lot of time down here."

"Are you complaining?" The rock star mumbled rolling over on her back and stretching her body. The blonde sat on her knees watching her completely naked body arch. She decided it was a good time to get off the bed before she pounced on her girlfriend. Ashley sat up against the head board and watched her. She internally cursed when she noticed the marks staining the light skin on her neck. "You might want to start practicing my hair straightener explanation."

The blonde looked up at her with a playful glare. "You're lucky I love you, Ashley Davies." She began picking up her discarded clothes off the floor. The pieces were scattered all over. "I would forbid Aiden from putting his mouth on my neck when we were dating."

Ashley smirked. "Are you saying I'm special?"

Spencer began tossing articles of clothing her way. "Yes, and I love you more."

"Prove it." Ashley playfully replied wanting one more taste of her before they left.

"I don't think so." Spencer quickly began putting her clothes on. "I have to make an emergency trip to my room and cover up your love marks."

Ashley was slightly disappointed. "You can prove it to me later than."

Spencer playfully rolled her eyes and headed towards the door. "Get dressed." She blew her a kiss and then walked out the room.

* * *

The dinner table was anything but enjoyable. Ashley observed everyone with a mixture of curiosity and worry. Denny sat across from her, listening to his Zune while shoveling small fork fulls of spaghetti into his mouth. On Denny's left was Caitlyn. The little girl ate silently and was uncharacteristically reserved, the rock star could tell there was something on her young mind. At the head of the table was Paula who mostly stared at her food and moved it around her plate. She looked at Spencer who seemed to be observing everyone as well. Both the blonde's hands were under the table, Ashley reached under for one and clasped their hands together. Spencer looked at her and smiled briefly resting their hands on her thigh. The spell was broken by the sound of the front door opening and closing. Everyone but Denny looked at the doorway. Arthur walked in not really meeting anyone's gaze. "Hey, everyone." He said out loud grabbing a plate of spaghetti. Ashley looked at Paula and noticed the hard look she was giving him.

"Why are you late for dinner?" She casually asked hiding any trace of anger in her voice. But Ashley could tell the older woman was fuming.

He shrugged. "I guess I just lost track of time." He grabbed a fork and headed towards the other room.

"Where are you going?!" Paula asked watching him stop at the doorway.

"Living room. There's a game on." The older man continued walking ignoring the disapproval on his wife's face.

She sighed and then looked closely at Denny. "Denis what are you doing?!" Caitlyn patted her brother's upper arm.

The taller boy looked around and was directed to his aunt's outraged face. He took out his ear buds. "Yeah?"

"You know I don't allow those things at the dinner table."

"Sorry." He turned it off and placed it on the table. "It's not like I was missing out anything."

"You missed out on Dad acting like a complete ass." Spencer boldly replied and then regretted it when she noticed Caitlyn's small face looking at her. "I'm sorry, Babe. I didn't mean to say that."

"Yes you did." Denny retorted. "What is up with this family and constantly watching what they say. Words are words."

"I don't appreciate foul language." Paula answered sternly. "It makes a person look ugly."

"So you're saying Spencer looked ugly just now?"

Spencer threw a meatball and then laughed when it splattered all over his face. "Ew." He immediately exclaimed with his sister laughing hysterically next to him.

Ashley also began chuckling finding Caitlyn's laughs contagious.

"Spencer!" Paula scolded.

"He asked for it, Mom." Spencer stuck her tongue out at the glaring boy.

"I'm going to get you back." He threatened laughing. "This is so nasty. May I be excused?"

Paula agreed and watched the tall boy stand up and leave. She found herself laughing as well. "I think he needed that."

"He did seem more polite." Spencer observed.

"Well, feel free to use that technique on your father." She sighed. "It would do him some good."

"We can throw food at Daddy?!" Caitlyn asked excitedly.

"Yep." Spencer answered brightly.

"No." Paula laughed looking at the smallest blonde. "We can't throw food at Daddy. Your sister is just crazy."

"Aww man." Caitlyn picked up her fork and continued eating. "It looks like fun."

"It is fun." Spencer encouraged. "In fact, next time you see Denny you should do it too."

"Spencer, stop it." Paula looked at Caitlyn . "Don't listen to her." The older blonde pushed her chair back and picked up her plate. She paused a moment and stared at her girls. "You know we have tons of ice cream. How about you girls join me upstairs and we can all hangout and watch a movie."

"YAY ice cream!" Caitlyn immediately screamed. She looked at Ashley. "Do you wanna Ashley, huh, do you wanna?!"

"Sure." The rock star replied smiling. "How could I pass up ice cream and movie night with Caitlyn?"

* * *

The master bedroom, like all the other rooms in the house, was nicely decorated and very organized. A king sized bed occupied the space in the middle of the room with a headboard that matched a massive dresser and vanity table. Ashley walked In holding Caitlyn's hand and then watched the little blonde run and jump on the bed the second her hand was released. She smiled as she began jumping up and down on the expensive looking comforter. "What movie are we watching, guys?" Spencer asked walking past Ashley and stopping in front of the entertainment system. She opened a drawer full of rows and rows of DVD's. "Come see." She beckoned Ashley and urged her to look with her. "How about this?" She held up a movie with Jack Black on the cover, the rock star shook her head having seen the movie a million times. And then she looked at Spencer. "Unless you really want to see it I don't mind." The blonde also shook her head putting it back. "I've seen too many times already."

"Ice cream! Ice cream!" Both teens turned their heads and watched Paula walk inside with a tray full of bowls of ice cream.

"What are we watching, Mom?" Spencer asked while Ashley continued browsing.

The older blonde set the tray on the end table and then walked over to where Ashley and Spencer stood. "I know what you girl's will like." She closed the drawer and turned on the TV. "It's already in the DVD player." She explained while finding the right channel.

"Ohhh, mystery movie." Spencer chuckled while grabbing a bowl off the tray. "Better make it good, Mom." She handed Ashley another bowl full of Vanilla ice cream. She looked down at her strawberry and began eating it. "Mmm," She hummed her delight savoring the taste. "It's really good." She scooped up another spoon full and turned to her girlfriend. The rock star was standing next to her eating her own ice cream, Spencer smiled at the small amount of vanilla staining the corner of her lips. She unconsciously reached up and wiped it off with her thumb. "Try this." She grabbed the spoon again and brought the strawberry ice cream up to her girlfriend's mouth. Ashley easily accepted it and nodded her head in approval. "Yummy," She grinned and scooped up a spoonful of vanilla for her girlfriend, feeding it to her, she timidly removed the spoon from her mouth and placed it back in her bowl. She could feel Paula's eyes on her as the older blonde walked towards them.

"It's a good thing I got both flavors." Paula teased grabbing the bowl with both vanilla and strawberry ice cream inside. "It looks like you two really enjoy them."

Ashley looked up and saw the smile on her face, she eased up a bit. "Ashley can you give me mine please?" Caitlyn asked sitting on the far end of the bed. The rock star grabbed the last bowl on the tray and brought it over to the little blonde. "Aren't you a lucky girl?" She smiled handing her the bowl. "You got chocolate and strawberry."

Two pairs of identical gray eyes watched Ashley and Caitlyn interact. Spencer found it completely adorable how good Ashley was with children. Or at least Caitlyn. Standing near the left side of the bed, she watched her girlfriend laugh along and play with Caitlyn, obviously enjoying it. She thought back to her relatives who would force themselves to get along with Caitlyn, or even their own little children, not really interested in what they had to say. But Ashley wasn't like that at all. She enjoyed interacting with the small blonde. "She's really good with her." Startled, Spencer's eyes snapped over to her mother's face. The older blonde stood next to her with the DVD remote in her hand. She had this strange, almost surprised, fascinated look on her face. "I've never seen you stare at someone like that."

Spencer stood speechless, caught off guard. The expression on her mother's face freaked her out. She seemed so captivated, enthralled. The blonde had no idea what it meant, what her mother was searching for as she gazed into her eyes. "Like...what?" She finally got out. The noise in the room was gone. Spencer moved her gaze and focused on Ashley's curious expression. She watched her brown eyes move from her to her mother and then back to her.

"Nevermind." She looked back at Paula. Her mother smiled and then wrapped one of her arms around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head, she released her and then moved back over to the bed. "Everyone pick a spot." Somewhat relieved, Spencer quickly turned around and headed to the light switch. Turning off the lights, she quickly made it back over to the bed and hopped on. "I'm starting the movie."

* * *

The room was filthy from the blue carpet on the floor, to the vast amount of dust on the ceiling fan. Denny stood at his doorway surveying the mess that was his room. He was tempted to turn back around and find somewhere else to be and then talked himself out of it. His only options were Arthur and the girls. He didn't give the first choice any thought and hanging out with the girls just didn't seem right. Plus the movie they were watching seemed boring as hell. 'Premonition' with Sandra Bullock. Total chick flick he convinced himself while moving around the room picking up the mess on the floor. "Hey," He picked up a small rectangular paper up against the wall. "Oh, I have to show Ashley this." He stood up while smiling down at the old concert ticket. It was a little over a year old but Denny remembered the show like it was yesterday. '16 Candles from Hell' live downtown, he had talked Spencer into going with him and they both ended up having a really good time. The ticket was signed by everyone in the band, including Ashley Davies. "Man this is going to blow her mind." He murmured sticking the ticket back on his wall. He stared at it a second longer thinking how hard it was to convince Spencer to drive him there. He had begged and begged until she finally gave into her frustration and agreed. He found it ironic that Spencer ended up in the same band, became good friends with Ashley Davies, and spending a lot of time in the basement with her. "Sleeping." He shook his head slowly. "A lot of sleeping."

* * *

A bright hue from the TV momentarily blinded fluttering brown eyes. A tanned groggy face turned away from the light, blinking several times, Ashley stared tiredly at the bathroom door. The rock star lied on her side, her back facing everyone else as she slowly began to recognize her surroundings. A sense of déjà vu ran through her as she sat up on the bed. Waking up in unfamiliar places, seeing unfamiliar faces, it wasn't new to her. She was used to it, used to it to the point where she stopped being scared when it happened. The only difference was, waking up back then in an unfamiliar place meant getting up and finding more cocaine. Back then it just always wanting cocaine.

Sitting up against the headboard in deep thought, Ashley felt an arm drape over her thighs and moved her gaze, watching Spencer roll over on her stomach, meeting her sleeping face, she reached out to softly stroke her soft skin, and then realized she had something better than cocaine now. Someone better. Waking up every morning to her glorious girlfriend was better than the finest cocaine in the world. Ashley moved her hand as Spencer's face showed a bit of aggravation. She looked away from Spencer and her eyes landed on the TV screen. The DVD player no longer occupied the screen. Now, Ashley watched regular TV, channel 4, the news. Her breath caught when she noticed the topic they were highlighting.

Her father.

The TV was muted so nothing could be heard, but Ashley knew what was going on. The sad facial expressions, the pictures of her father on the hospital bed, the short interviews the band members participated in, crying as they spoke into the microphone- Raife Davies wasn't going to last much longer. Her father was on the brink of death. She wanted more than anything to get up and turn off the screen, but she was mesmerized. She couldn't stop watching, stop thinking, and stop feeling every time she watched another picture of her father appear on the screen.

And then, in a blink of an eye, they were gone. Everything was gone, including the words running on the bottom of the screen, as the subject changed. Ashley looked away from the TV, her eyes landing on Spencer's arm, she lightly grasped her wrist and gently removed her hand from her lap. She didn't want to think of her father anymore. She hated thinking about him. All he ever caused her was pain and neglect, she hated him, that wasn't ever going to change, nothing on TV would ever convince her to love him. His death wasn't even enough to get her to love him.

The rock star lied further back into the bed, sighing as she rolled over onto her side, her back facing Spencer. She stared at the wall, forcing herself not to think of anything, anyone. She fought the assault of her mother entering her mind, and her father, and stared until her eyes were too heavy to stay open. And then she passed out.

* * *

_Brown eyes followed the pictures on the screen, stared down the pretty actress' and handsome actors, followed their movements without blinking once, and couldn't help but reach out from time to time, wanting to touch these beautiful people, wanting to be them. They all seemed so happy under one roof, being a family, being perfect, she wanted to feel it- and then she laughed, cutting of her fucked up train of thought. She stopped seeing people on the screen, stopped seeing anything as she continued to stare, her mind somewhere else soaring high into the sky. Her body felt amazing as she sat on the edge of the king sized bed, surrounded by expensive decorations and various appliances cut out for royalty, the hot tub being one and the plasma TV being another. She didn't notice anything but the TV screen, and even then, she didn't really comprehend what she was doing. She couldn't repeat any of the scenes, couldn't name the characters, and had no idea what the name of the show was- she just knew she wanted to be there, behind the screen, with that perfect family._

And then she stopped seeing them completely. Her dazed eyes had something new to watch, something she absolutely hated, even in her high state, she still hated this man. Nothing would ever change that, it was expressed so clearly on her face, the hate pooling in her eyes, the snarl over her lips, anyone could see it, but nobody ever did. Her chin was grabbed between two fingers as identical brown eyes stared into her blank gaze. "What the fuck are you on?!" The words were demanded harshly as the hold on her chin tightened. "Fuck you." She mumbled staggering off the bed and into the next room.

Her father followed her into the luxurious living room fuming. She ignored him completely and collapsed face first onto the couch, closing her eyes, she groaned as she noticed the pain in her head seemingly for the first time. There was also a dull ache in her eyes from keeping them open for so long, she thought about the cocaine she still had in the bathroom, she knew a couple lines would fix her but didn't dare go to it now. Pops was still watching her, pissed the fuck off, she lied there with her eyes closed hoping he'd assume she was falling asleep and leave. But that didn't happen.

Two hands grasped her upper arms, brown eyes opened as Ashley was lifted off the couch. "You're bleeding all over the fucking place," She winced as the pain in her head reacted to her father's yelling. She watched her father's brown eyes move to the white couch, the grip on her arms was too much for her, she struggled to move away from her Dad, not wanting his hands on her. "Get the fuck off me!" She screamed as he led her out of one room and into another. "Ashley stop it!" He demanded as she struggled to get away from him. The rock star wasn't any match for her father, the blonde haired man had no problem keeping her in his grasp. "Stop it Ashley." He repeated and then lifted her up onto the sink, knocking everything off the hard marble countertop, he struggled to keep his daughter on the sink.

Having heard the silver platter fall on the ground, Ashley freaked out. The rock star did everything in her power to get passed her dad, to drop to the floor and save whatever cocaine she could collect to save her from the pain of coming down from her original high. Her head was on the verge of exploding, tears of frustration rolled down her cheeks, colliding with the blood all over her face. The two hands were back on her upper arms, she was forced back a bit and forced to look into her father's eyes. "Calm down!" He demanded gently pressing a damp towel to her face. Ashley allowed her head to fall back as her father kept the towel pressed up against her nose. "All this bullshit for nothing." She heard him mumble. "Do you see how fucking pathetic you are?!"

Ashley winced as the words assaulted her throbbing head. "Shut the fuck up." She hissed with her eyes tightly shut. "You owe me more shit." She added referring to the ruined cocaine. Hearing her father's bitter chuckle, brown eyes opened and looked at him. Her chin was grabbed again and her eyes leveled with his. "You really are pathetic." The hand was gone from her face. She watched him walk out the open door way. "Be a pathetic little bitch and snort the cocaine off the fucking floor like a low life junkie."The hotel door was opened and then closed.

Ashley immediately moved to the floor on her hands and knees.

"What's wrong?" The rock star asked her girlfriend sleepily. Spencer hovered over her with concern written all over her face. They were still in Paula's bedroom, Ashley lied on the right side of the bed with her girlfriend sitting next to her. Ashley remembered feeling Spencer gently shake her shoulder, urging her awake. She had no idea what the problem was and was beginning to feel her girlfriend's worry. "Nothing's wrong." Spencer forced a smile on her face and leaned down to kiss her lips softly. Ashley watched her with a strange expression. "You're lying." She gently accused watching Spencer move off the bed. She reached out and took her hand. Spencer turned back around and met her gaze. "Please tell me what's wrong."

"Breakfast is ready…" Paula trailed off noticing the mood of the room. Both set of eyes were on her, she watched Ashley quickly release her daughter's hand, the older blonde watched Spencer put some distance between her and the bed with Ashley watching her. She could tell there was a problem, but something kept her from inquiring about it, fear. She was scared to know what plagued the two girls, she was scared to know the truth of their relationship. She decided not to ask. "If you two girls are hungry there's breakfast on the table." She moved away from the open doorway and then remembered something. "Oh Spencer I was wondering if you and Ashley could do me a favor and pick up Caitlyn's medicine from Wal-Mart. I already called and they're open."

Spencer looked at her girlfriend. Ashley easily nodded and met the older woman's eyes. "Sure, no problem." She honestly accepted.

"Thank you, girls." Paula replied before leaving the room.

"You were talking in your sleep."

"What?" Ashley looked at her girlfriend. Spencer stood leaning up against her mother's dresser.

"You were talking in your sleep." She repeated. "That's why I woke you up."

The rock star looked down at her lap thinking about her dream. She couldn't describe the shame and embarrassment she felt the more she thought about it. Scooping the white powder into a small pile and then making rows out of it, snorting it all like a desperate junkie, she hated herself for it. "What was I saying?" She asked looking back at Spencer.

The blonde shrugged. "I couldn't really make anything out." She didn't tell Ashley about how bad she was whimpering or how scared she looked as she tossed and turned. "What were you dreaming about?" She couldn't stop herself from asking. Her girlfriend seemed terrified as she slept.

The rock star didn't want to answer, she didn't want to talk about it, but staring into her girlfriend's gray eyes, she decided to give her a glimpse of her problems. "I dreamt about Pops." She wanted more than anything to seal her lips shut and not say another word, she ignored the urge and continued uncomfortably. "It wasn't really a dream, well it was I guess because I was sleeping, but it was also a memory." She tilted her head slightly to the side. "Do you get me?"

Spencer nodded. "You fell asleep and dreamt of a memory. Was it a bad one?"

"It wasn't too bad." She lied and then realized her girlfriend didn't believe her. "You're face says it all, you think I'm lying."

"Then tell me the truth, Ash." The blonde started running her hand through her blonde bangs, waiting for Ashley to open up. She felt frustrated with the rock star. She knew she had some serious issues to talk about but couldn't get it out, Spencer wanted more than anything to help her, but she wouldn't let her.

"Alright." Ashley moved off the bed and stood near her girlfriend. "I got high this one night and just hung around my hotel room. Pops walked in and started fucking with me when I wasn't feeling too hot. I was coming down and was not in a good mood. My nose started bleeding and he dragged me into the bathroom and knocked my stash off the sink. All my coke fell on the floor and I was angry because that was supposed to cure my come down. He called me a junkie and then left. I got on the floor and started making small piles, and then lines, from there I spent the rest of the night high until I passed out." She smirked. "That was my dream. See? Not so bad." She folded her arms across her chest boldly staring into gray eyes.

And there it was again, Ashley's challenging posture. The bitchiness in her voice, the cocky look on her face, the way her brown eyes stared into hers waiting for the wrong words to spill from her lips. Spencer stood staring at the spoiled brat Ashley that had to have things her way. She could tell Ashley never wanted to talk about her dream and when she finally did speak, she spoke with a bad attitude. That was the attitude that always started fights between her and other people, especially Pops. But the older man never handled the situations right. Spencer knew you couldn't argue with Ashley and expect anything to be solved. The rock star had way of bending the situation in her favor and making the other person feel stupid. "Can I ask you something?" The rock star was caught off guard by the softly spoken question. "Ask me anything." Spencer didn't know how to take Ashley's attitude towards the dream. She stood smiling for a second, saying it wasn't a big deal- it confused the blonde. "If you had cocaine right now, would you take any?"

The rock star could tell her girlfriend was confused. Her face said it all. Ashley's arms dropped and her shoulders slumped. She approached Spencer and took her hand, loosely holding on to it, she answered her girlfriend's question. "No." She briefly shook her head as her mind wandered back. She thought of the people she hurt while under the influence of the powerful drug, she thought of hurting Spencer. "I would never do that again to you." She reached up and cupped the side of her face with her free hand. "You mean too much to me, Spencer." The blonde responded by moving forward and wrapping her arms around the rock star. Ashley tightly hugged her back.

* * *

Denny walked into the kitchen, ignoring everyone else in the room, he went straight to the refrigerator. He eyed its contents and then grabbed the orange juice carton. Kicking the fridge closed with his foot, he opened the orange juice and drank it straight from the skinny carton. "That is so gross." The tall teenager removed the orange juice bottle from his lips and met his cousin's gaze. With a sly smile, he opened his mouth a bit and shot orange juice at her from between his teeth. Spencer moved away from the flying juice and gave him a playful shove. "Denis the Menace!" She replied chuckling as she walked towards the sink. Denny placed the juice on a nearby counter and walked up behind Spencer, wrapping his arms around her from behind, he bended his back and picked his cousin up off the floor. "Denny!" She shrieked out of surprise. Denny replied laughing. "I was five when you last called me that! Remember? The same day you locked me up in the closet!" Spencer laughed hard as the memory invaded her mind. Her five year old cousin had infuriated her by drawing all over her walls with Crayola markers. In return, she locked him up in the closet. "You deserved it!"

Paula and Arthur watched the two teenagers from the kitchen table. The air around them had been tense up until their daughter joined them. Arthur sat at one end of the table reading the newspaper and Paula sat at the other drinking coffee while flipping through a magazine. Watching his two older kids in the kitchen playing around made the older man so happy. He loved seeing Spencer as a part of the family again, where she belonged, and not out with Ashley. Not anywhere near Ashley. The dark haired man looked at the end of the table where his wife sat. He couldn't help his attitude towards her. She was the one keeping Ashley under their roof despite his feelings towards the situation. He didn't understand why his wife allowed Ashley to be close to their daughter, it made absolutely no sense to him and he couldn't stop disliking her for it.

Denny finally placed Spencer down on the ground grinning like a maniac. "Ow!" He playfully rubbed his upper arm having been smacked by his older cousin. "You had it coming Spencey Spence." He grabbed his orange juice and hauled himself up on the kitchen counter. He watched Spencer grab a cup from the washer machine and fill it up with water. "So, where's your other half?" Spencer choked on the water sliding down her throat. His eyebrow shot up in curiosity. "You okay?" She nodded and cleared her throat. "Ashley's downstairs taking a shower." He noticed her hair for the first time that morning. Her clean blonde hair was damp hinting that she also had a shower. "Did you guys shower together?" Spencer could feel her parents' eyes on her as she glared at the tall boy. Denny had no idea what he said wrong. If her remembered right, Spencer said two girls showering together was no big deal. "No, you pervert!" The blonde replied in a mock angry voice, winking before bringing her glass back up to her lips. He played along. "Well you guys are never apart. I just assumed you two did everything together. My bad." She waved it off while continuing to drink her water. "So what's Ashley doing for her birthday?" Once again, the blonde choked on water.

Ashley slipped on a black '16 candles from hell' T shirt, standing in front of the mirror in the guestroom, she ran a hand through her damp auburn hair. It was definitely growing out fast and losing its straight persona. She thought back to the last time she had her hair chemically relaxed, two months ago, Ashley knew it was time to pay a visit to the hair salon. Her hair was naturally curly, the curls were actually very pretty, but Ashley preferred straight hair. It was just easier to take care of. The rock star walked over to the dresser and grabbed her cell phone. She flipped it open and saw she had two missed phone calls. One was from AJ the other from Sammy. She didn't care to know what her cousin wanted, knowing it was Pops related, so called Sammy back instead. A very slurred 'Hello' greeted her after 3 rings. Ashley fell back on the bed and covered her eyes with her arm. "Sounds like you've been having fun."

"Mmm." Her friend hummed deeply. "You have no idea, Aly. I'm surprised you called me back. How's my darling doing?" She purred.

"I've been better." She replied sounding miserable. Everything from Pops to her mother wore her out. She wasn't enjoying her personal life very much, if it wasn't for Spencer, she would be with Sammy, drunk, high, and fucking.

"Sounds like you need a pick me up."

"Yeah, no kidding. What'd you have in mind?"

There was a slight pause. "Are you serious?"

The rock star smiled. "I'm curious."

"Fentanyl and it is quite delicious."

The smile slid from the rock star's lips. She had no experience with the powerful pain killer but had heard a lot of good things about the drug. She was familiar with its power, powerful than morphine and heroin, and was beginning to scare herself with how much she wanted it. "I bet it is." She murmured weakly.

"Get your ass back in L.A. and we can enjoy it together."

Ashley stayed quiet for a full minute. She should have turned her blonde friend down right away, she was finished with drugs, but she didn't. Instead, she lied there thinking about how amazing the Fentanyl high would be. How amazing she'd feel under its influence. "I can't Sam." She finally dragged out.

"That wasn't a very convincing no."

Ashley removed her arm from her eyes and sat up. "I have to go ,Sam. I'll talk to you later." She closed her phone and ran her hand through her hair thinking about the drug again. She was very curious about it, she wanted to get high and escape reality- she shook her head and got up from the bed. She couldn't do that to Spencer.

* * *

"When's Ashley's birthday?" Spencer asked her taller cousin.

Denny smiled down at her. "She didn't tell you it was coming up?" He asked amused. Spencer shook her head. "She's a New Year's baby. Born Jan first."

"She didn't say anything to me about a birthday." Paula commented from the kitchen table.

"Are you sure?" Spencer questioned her cousin. He nodded. "Yeah, go look it up on the internet if you don't believe me. Or better yet, ask Ashley."

"Well she should spend her 18th with her family. Don't you think?" Arthur asked his daughter from his seat at the table. "When is she going back to L.A?"

Spencer didn't know how to answer. They didn't really make officials plans to leave. They discussed leaving sometime after the Holidays, leaving together. Spencer didn't know how to break it to her parents that she was leaving with Ashley and moving in with her at the beach house. "We're going back after the Holidays."

Both Paula and Arthur stared strangely at their daughter. "We're as in you and Ashley?" She nodded. "Why do you need to leave with her again?!" Arthur demanded. "You're little music adventure is over! You should be focusing on school not…not…Ashley!"

"Arthur." Paula hissed. "Calm down." She looked at Spencer. "We'll talk more about this later."

"No!" The older man disagreed. He looked at Spencer. "We're talking about this now."

The older blonde sighed. "Arthur it's too early to be fighting over Spencer's future."

"What is wrong with you?!" He asked his wife. "Do you hear what you're allowing?"

"Yes." Paula answered. "I'm allowing my daughter a peaceful morning." She grabbed a small piece of paper and some money out of her purse. Standing up, she gave it to Spencer. "Here's the shopping list and some extra money for you and Ashley to grab something to eat." She leaned forward and kissed her daughter's forehead. "Tell Ashley thanks again for me. I'm going to have a bath now."

"Okay." Spencer replied and watched her mother leave the kitchen. Denny was soon at her side. "Did she forget you don't have a license?"

The blonde shook her head. "Ashley has one."

Arthur also stood up from his seat and left the kitchen without saying anything else. Both teenage eyes were on him as he left. The taller teen wrapped an arm around his cousin. "He'll get over himself sooner or later."

Spencer sighed and leaned into Denny. "Hopefully sooner than later."

* * *

The rock star reached out and opened the skinny glass door, allowing her girlfriend inside the warm breakfast place before herself. She was surprised the small diner was open on Christmas day but wasn't complaining. She was starving. They silently walked over to a nearby booth and took their seats across from each other. Ashley looked around and noticed they were the only ones there. The waitress quickly found them with two menus and a small note pad in hand. "What can I get you two to drink?" Ashley ordered coffee and two orange juice's for her and Spencer. The waitress left them their menus and then left. "You do that so automatically now." Ashley looked at Spencer. "Do what?" The blonde reached across the table and intertwined their hands. "Order for me." The rock star immediately panicked. "I'm sorry. Did you want something else?" The blonde immediately shook her head. "No, it's fine. I loved it." Ashley relaxed and brought her hand up to her face, kissing her knuckles, she replied, "And I love you." Noticing the waitress from the corner of her eye, Ashley brought their hands back down and then pulled away.

"Here you guys go." She placed their drinks on the table and then met Ashley's eyes. She tilted her to the side a bit and then smiled. "I know you." The smile died from her lips. "I'm sorry about your Dad. It's terrible what's happening to him."

"Thank you." Ashley forced a smile. "I appreciate your kindness."

"Anytime." She cleared her throat a bit. "I'll give you two a couple of minutes to look over your menus."

"Thank you." Spencer watched the waitress walk away before moving her gaze to her girlfriend. Ashley sat across from her absently playing with her hair, her eyes casted down on the menu. She moved her own eyes to her menu and began scanning its contents. Ashley had been unusually quiet the whole way to the restaurant. The radio softly playing in the background of the car was Spencer's only company. She assumed Ashley was just tired, maybe thinking about her dream, and didn't want to bother her. Deciding on pancakes, the blonde closed her menu and looked up. She caught Ashley staring at her and didn't buy the smile of reassurance she flashed her. "What's on your mind?"

The rock star stayed looked away and remained quiet. They were sitting by a large window that looked out into the parking lot. She stared through the transparent glass and watched the snow lightly fall. She didn't understand what was stopping her from telling Spencer the honest to god truth. What's on your mind? Such a simple question to a complex answer. There was a lot on Ashley's mind, she seemed to be drowning in her problems and her life jacket came in the form of clear liquid, pill, or white powder. She couldn't stop dwelling on the Fentanyl. She knew the right amount of the drug would fuck her up and she loved the thought of it. She wanted to get high, needed to get high, and she was frustrated that she couldn't. "Ashley?" She turned her head. "I'm fine, Spencer." She forced another smile. "Believe me." She reached across the table and took her hand. "I'm with the girl of my dreams, the girl that I'm madly in love with about to enjoy a wonderful breakfast. What could be wrong?"

* * *

The paper rattled in her hands as they shook, brown eyes closed, her lips parted releasing a series of shaky breaths. Her emotions were all over the place, she hated that they were there at all. She shouldn't have felt a thing, absolutely nothing as she tightly held onto the magazine. But that wasn't happening, Ashley thought opening her stinging eyes. Why am I so close to tears? She wondered staring back down at the picture. She stood near a magazine rack in the grocery store. On her way to the produce section, her eyes had fallen on the front cover of 'ENQUIRER.' Her stomach lurched at the sight, her feet moved numbly over to it, and then her hands shook as she turned the pages. There on the page, was her father, lying in a hospital bed. Tubes were running in and out of his body, his eyes were closed, skin pale, he looked dead but according to the article was still breathing. Ashley was angry along with so many other things. The thought of someone going into her father's room, taking a picture, and then selling it was sickening. But then again, why should she care? If it were her on the hospital bed, her in the magazine, Pops wouldn't have given a flying fuck.

"There you are." She felt fingers graze her lower back, followed by the sight of her lover's glowing face. Spencer stood wearing jeans and a white jacket with gloves and her slip ons. The rock star met her gaze and wanted to smile, reassuring her that she was fine, but couldn't. Her emotions got the best of her, expressed in her eyes, and made it impossible for her to smile. "What's wrong?" Spencer's eyes fell on the magazine. With a gasp, she gently took it from her lover's hands and gaped down at the picture of Pops. "Oh God." She looked at Ashley and noticed the careless look on her face. Her eyes were hard now as they peered into hers. "We have to see him."

"I don't have to do anything." Ashley stated flatly. "You can see him if you want." She moved over to the shopping cart and began pushing it towards the nearest check out lane. Her eyes focused on the contents she placed on the conveyor belt, avoiding Spencer. Her mind stayed on her father and the confusion that revolved around him. She couldn't tell if she cared or not, maybe she did but every time she leaned into it, her mind screamed at her for it, and she hated him. A hand on her forearm stopped her. She looked up into Spencer's eyes and was taken aback by the hug she gave her. The rock star instinctively wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, brown eyes looked up and met the cashier's curious gaze. "It looked like you needed a hug," The blonde whispered near her ear. Ashley smiled despite the war going on in her mind. "I feel like crap." She held her girlfriend tighter. "But it's not as bad when I'm in your arms. I'm sorry for acting this way. There's just a lot going through my head..."

"Don't be sorry, Baby." She kissed the skin under her ear. "This is hard on everybody."

Ashley closed her eyes and melted into her lover's body, feeling the warmth and security fall over her like a thick blanket. "I don't care if he dies, Spencer." She spoke low but her voice was still very convincing. Spencer held her wondering who she was trying to convince more: her or herself. "I know Ashley," She ran her hands up and down her upper back. "I know."


End file.
